senses and take in whatever comes. You should not watch too much what kind of message you are sending. Afterward you can analyze, but not at the time. What is attractive to the person you are dating is that you are present in all aspects: mind, body, and soul. That is a very good start.â
We sat and looked at each other for a moment, both a bit drained from the intense conversation, and me from the recognition that I felt far more exposed and unsure about my journey than I had ever realized. I gave him a big hug and thanked him sincerely.
As we walked back through the park to his car, we chatted about ânormalâ things: family, work, places we had visited. We strolled under the comfortable shade of linden and oak trees; it was a beautiful place and I hoped to come back one day when I was less preoccupied. The Love Professor had given me plenty to think aboutânot all of it easy to hearâbut Iâd have the chance to talk about it all tonight with Ann-Charlotte, over a large drink.
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I knew Ann-Charlotte from when sheâd worked for the Swedish tourist board in London. Iâd been sad to see her move back to her home city of Gothenburg the year before, but was reaping the benefits now. Not only had she promised to take me to the âonly locals knowâ funky parts of town, sheâd also done a great job as local Date Wrangler-in-Chief.
Back at my hotel, getting ready to meet her, I felt happy and relaxed, looking forward to the uncomplicated evening I knew weâd spend together. Iâd just started to realize how important it was to intersperse my 80 Dates with some normal socializing, preferably with female friends. Dating was really demanding: There was all the stress of preparation and anticipation. Then there was the date itself, fraught with revealing body-language and full of silent I canât believe he just said that moments.
We were obliged under the International Girlfriend Charter to reenact dating highlights for each otherâs entertainment, but, just as importantly right now, I needed relaxed, no-agenda fun with girlfriends to help offset the pressure of dating and stop me obsessing about the I canât believe I just said that moments of my own.
Avoiding the Avenue (the main tourist drag), Ann-Charlotte took me to a place in Linnégatan, a cosmopolitan area awash with trendy bars and chichi restaurants. It was next to Slottskogen, another of Gothenburgâs big parks, and close to Haga, the old town where tall Brothers Grimm wooden houses lined the twisting cobbled streets.
After we caught up with old news, Ann-Charlotte sat rapt with fascination as I explained the Love Professorâs scientific theories on love and compatibility. Wine flowed like wine, as we compared notes on how scarily accurate it all was: exes who had refused to be intimate; girlfriends with ready excuses about why their awful relationships really werenât that awful.
She asked if I was going to test what I had learned from the Love Professor on Anders, the friend of hers I was dating tomorrow. But since Anders had insisted everything about him and the date remain a mystery until the date itself (I was starting to see this as one of the ways Dates felt they could retain a degree of control; maybe it made them feel special and not just âone of eightyâ), it was impossible to know how I was going to be with him. But, in theory, âof course,â I told her. I would sniff him, mimic his movements, give him enough but not too much of my history, try not to talk too much, andâmost importantlyâlet it happen. BUT, I stressed to Ann-Charlotte, only if he was cute. The last thing I needed was more flirting flotsam, to attract another guy I wasnât seriously interested in, when I needed to concentrate my efforts on finding Mr. Right.
As we stumbled back to our beds at 4:30 a.m., the streets were full of people; the people were full of alcohol. Ann-Charlotte
Teresa Watson
Leia Stone
Stefan Bolz
Jesse Browner
Stephanie Jean
Bruce Wagner
Daisy Harris
Benjamin Hulme-Cross
Judith Tamalynn
Zoe Fishman