Read Online Are These My Basoomas I See Before Me? by Louise Rennison - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Louise Rennison
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them?”
“No, of course not. What is pleasure and travel and luuurve, compared to knowing how to say ‘I have broken my glasses’ in French?”
in my bedroom
The only blot on the landscape of luuurvenosityis sneaking Mum’s shoes out of her wardrobe without being thrashed to within an inch of my life.
I must not arouse her temperosity in any way. She has been in such a bad mood since the balloon party thing last night. I don’t know what Dad has done, but she doesn’t like it. I don’t like it and I don’t even know what it is.
Anyway, I must be like the wily fox.
Foxy and wily.
Here I go as a foxy-wily thing.
in the kitchen
I said, “Do you want a cup of tea, Mum?”
Foxy wily, foxy wily.
She looked at me.
“Have you got my perfume on?”
I resisted the temptation to strop off and said, “No, it’s just that well…I’m really excited about tonight, you know, making it up with Masimo and…”
She smiled at me.
“It’s lovely being so into someone, isn’t it? I remember when your dad used to…”
Oh no, she is going to talk about her feelingsfor Dad. I must stop her, and also get her to go out so I can get her shoes.
two minutes later
In a fit of hysterical madness, I have found myself agreeing to go to the Wild Park with her tomorrow.
How did that happen?
I just said, “You need to go out more.” Now I’m going out with her.
I meant to get her shoes.
in my bedroom
I have given myself a French manicure because that is vair vair European. And also because I don’t know what an Italian manicure is.
phone rang
Dad yelled up, “Georgia, it’s another of your mates again. I am trying to work out a new dance routine with the magnificent baldy-o-gram and am constantly interrupted.”
I didn’t bother to reply.
He is wearing shorts around the house.
What if a normal person unexpectedly pops round?
He has leg hair that stops at his knees.
How grotesque.
I am beginning to feel a bit sorry for Mum.
It was Rosie.
“Sven has just cooked me a Viking snack.”
“What is it?”
“Deep-fried Mars bar. I could paddle for miles now and still do a spot of raping and pillaging at the end of it.”
Just to check that my lecture on sophisticosity had got through to the ace gang I said, “What are you wearing tonight? There is no beard involved, is there?”
Rosie laughed, but not in a reassuring way.
“Toodle pip, see you at seven thirty.”
6:00 p.m.
Mum and Dad and Bibbs and Uncle Eddie have popped out to get a pizza in the loonmobile. I’ve just heard the roar of its massive quarter-horsepower engine phut phut off into the distance.
Before they went, I could hear Mum having a go at Dad in the driveway just under my window. She is deffo at No. 8, the quarter humpty (evils), on the Having the Hump Scale. Bordering on No. 9, the half humpty dumpty (evils and withdrawal of allsnacks). This started because he didn’t open the car door for her. She said, “Jim across the road has lovely manners—he opens doors for me.”
Dad said, “Come on, love, you’re a big woman, a very big woman. You can manage a little door. You could open it easily with one of your nungas.”
I didn’t hear the rest of it, but it was mostly Mum shouting and Libby yelling, “Bum bum, arsey ARSEEEEEEEY!”
Lovely.
7:15 p.m.
Got Mum’s shoes, although they are not what you would call comfortable. They are what you would call agonizing.
I’ll wear my ballet pumps till I get there.
Oh, I am so nervy. I nearly stuck the mascara brush up my nose. Oh God, I may be turning into Ellen. She’s only phoned me eight times to tell me that she is soooo excited about seeing Declan. I think that is what she said. Or something. What do you think? Or something? Shut up!!!!!!
met the ace gang at hennes
My worst fears are realized. Rosie is wearing a lurex catsuit….
She saw me looking and said, “Yes, it’s groovy, isn’t it?”
As we walked along, I said, “Please tell me that Sven has not got a
“No, of course not. What is pleasure and travel and luuurve, compared to knowing how to say ‘I have broken my glasses’ in French?”
in my bedroom
The only blot on the landscape of luuurvenosityis sneaking Mum’s shoes out of her wardrobe without being thrashed to within an inch of my life.
I must not arouse her temperosity in any way. She has been in such a bad mood since the balloon party thing last night. I don’t know what Dad has done, but she doesn’t like it. I don’t like it and I don’t even know what it is.
Anyway, I must be like the wily fox.
Foxy and wily.
Here I go as a foxy-wily thing.
in the kitchen
I said, “Do you want a cup of tea, Mum?”
Foxy wily, foxy wily.
She looked at me.
“Have you got my perfume on?”
I resisted the temptation to strop off and said, “No, it’s just that well…I’m really excited about tonight, you know, making it up with Masimo and…”
She smiled at me.
“It’s lovely being so into someone, isn’t it? I remember when your dad used to…”
Oh no, she is going to talk about her feelingsfor Dad. I must stop her, and also get her to go out so I can get her shoes.
two minutes later
In a fit of hysterical madness, I have found myself agreeing to go to the Wild Park with her tomorrow.
How did that happen?
I just said, “You need to go out more.” Now I’m going out with her.
I meant to get her shoes.
in my bedroom
I have given myself a French manicure because that is vair vair European. And also because I don’t know what an Italian manicure is.
phone rang
Dad yelled up, “Georgia, it’s another of your mates again. I am trying to work out a new dance routine with the magnificent baldy-o-gram and am constantly interrupted.”
I didn’t bother to reply.
He is wearing shorts around the house.
What if a normal person unexpectedly pops round?
He has leg hair that stops at his knees.
How grotesque.
I am beginning to feel a bit sorry for Mum.
It was Rosie.
“Sven has just cooked me a Viking snack.”
“What is it?”
“Deep-fried Mars bar. I could paddle for miles now and still do a spot of raping and pillaging at the end of it.”
Just to check that my lecture on sophisticosity had got through to the ace gang I said, “What are you wearing tonight? There is no beard involved, is there?”
Rosie laughed, but not in a reassuring way.
“Toodle pip, see you at seven thirty.”
6:00 p.m.
Mum and Dad and Bibbs and Uncle Eddie have popped out to get a pizza in the loonmobile. I’ve just heard the roar of its massive quarter-horsepower engine phut phut off into the distance.
Before they went, I could hear Mum having a go at Dad in the driveway just under my window. She is deffo at No. 8, the quarter humpty (evils), on the Having the Hump Scale. Bordering on No. 9, the half humpty dumpty (evils and withdrawal of allsnacks). This started because he didn’t open the car door for her. She said, “Jim across the road has lovely manners—he opens doors for me.”
Dad said, “Come on, love, you’re a big woman, a very big woman. You can manage a little door. You could open it easily with one of your nungas.”
I didn’t hear the rest of it, but it was mostly Mum shouting and Libby yelling, “Bum bum, arsey ARSEEEEEEEY!”
Lovely.
7:15 p.m.
Got Mum’s shoes, although they are not what you would call comfortable. They are what you would call agonizing.
I’ll wear my ballet pumps till I get there.
Oh, I am so nervy. I nearly stuck the mascara brush up my nose. Oh God, I may be turning into Ellen. She’s only phoned me eight times to tell me that she is soooo excited about seeing Declan. I think that is what she said. Or something. What do you think? Or something? Shut up!!!!!!
met the ace gang at hennes
My worst fears are realized. Rosie is wearing a lurex catsuit….
She saw me looking and said, “Yes, it’s groovy, isn’t it?”
As we walked along, I said, “Please tell me that Sven has not got a
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