depressed. I don’t know … I kind of felt like I’d lost my dad all over again in a way. I kept thinking how much he would have liked you.”
Bodo reached out and rubbed my arm. “Thank you, Bryn. I know dat is very special for you to say dat.”
His being so nice just made me feel worse. “That’s not what I need to tell you, though.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“After you left, someone in the swamp kind of made it known that he … you know, wanted to be with me … like you were.” My face was flaming red right now, and it only got worse when Bodo’s hand went still and then left my arm.
“Continue,” he said.
“Everyone thought you were dead. He didn’t mean anything bad or disrespectful by it. He wouldn’t have done it if you had been there.”
“Who was it?”
“I’d rather not say.” There was so much potential for bad blood in this situation, I hoped to avoid it as much as possible by keeping his name secret.
“Dat’s okay. I know who it was. It’s dat Paci.”
I felt like I was going to throw up hearing the tone of Bodo’s voice. It was dead-sounding. No emotion. The love that was usually there shining through was gone.
“Yes. It was. He’s not a bad person, Bodo.”
“No, he’s not a bad person. I know dat. But he’s a person who wants to be Mr. Bryn, I know dat too. And if you want him, den I guess dat is your choice.”
“I don’t. I just have to tell you that something happened with him, and I’m not proud of it or happy about it. It just … happened.”
Again there was a long pause before he spoke. “Just tell me. I am imagining a lot of thingks und I prefer da truth.”
“We kissed. We talked and we kissed. One time.”
“What kind of kiss?” His voice was strained.
I didn’t want to answer. I wanted to lie. I wanted the truth to not even exist. But it didn’t matter. It happened, and there was no denying it.
“It was a big one. It was meaningful.”
“Oh. I see.” He rolled over and didn’t say another word.
I wrestled with myself about whether to keep talking. But I couldn’t think of anything else to say other than one last thing.
“I’m sorry, Bodo. If I could take it back, I would.”
No response.
It took me a long time to fall asleep, and when I finally did, nightmares of being left behind and abandoned by the boy I loved filled my head and left me crying silently in the dark.
***
When I awoke, I was alone on my blanket with only a sleeping kitten and Buster to keep me company. Peter was standing with a group of girls across the room and Bodo was nowhere to be seen. I left the ball of fur suffering under the poodle’s anxious attention to use the temporary latrine that Peter had a group dig out the day prior. On my way out I looked around, but still didn’t see Bodo anywhere.
When I emerged from behind the tarp that served as the latrine’s door, Rob was standing outside.
“Hey, Rob, what’s up?”
“Just draining the main vein. You know how it is.”
“Ew. Too much information, dude. Why are you using the outhouse, though? Can’t you just go anywhere?”
“Technically, yes. But Peter is making everyone go in the same place. He says he wants to control disease and sanitation or whatever.”
I laughed. “Awesome. Well, enjoy.” I gestured to the tarp as I walked by.
“Wait up for me. I’ll just be a second.”
I stood back a few paces waiting for him. He talked while he wizzed.
“We need to get going on our little rescue plan or whatever. There’s no reason to wait. Fohi’s not going no matter what he says, and the longer we wait, the more time we give those asshole canners a chance to get in there again and in bigger groups.”
I nodded absently, thinking about the nightmare of walking in on a recently fought canner war. The casualties would be horrendous.
“Yeah. I know. The logistics suck, though … I wish we could take Peter with us.”
“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” said
Bodo reached out and rubbed my arm. “Thank you, Bryn. I know dat is very special for you to say dat.”
His being so nice just made me feel worse. “That’s not what I need to tell you, though.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“After you left, someone in the swamp kind of made it known that he … you know, wanted to be with me … like you were.” My face was flaming red right now, and it only got worse when Bodo’s hand went still and then left my arm.
“Continue,” he said.
“Everyone thought you were dead. He didn’t mean anything bad or disrespectful by it. He wouldn’t have done it if you had been there.”
“Who was it?”
“I’d rather not say.” There was so much potential for bad blood in this situation, I hoped to avoid it as much as possible by keeping his name secret.
“Dat’s okay. I know who it was. It’s dat Paci.”
I felt like I was going to throw up hearing the tone of Bodo’s voice. It was dead-sounding. No emotion. The love that was usually there shining through was gone.
“Yes. It was. He’s not a bad person, Bodo.”
“No, he’s not a bad person. I know dat. But he’s a person who wants to be Mr. Bryn, I know dat too. And if you want him, den I guess dat is your choice.”
“I don’t. I just have to tell you that something happened with him, and I’m not proud of it or happy about it. It just … happened.”
Again there was a long pause before he spoke. “Just tell me. I am imagining a lot of thingks und I prefer da truth.”
“We kissed. We talked and we kissed. One time.”
“What kind of kiss?” His voice was strained.
I didn’t want to answer. I wanted to lie. I wanted the truth to not even exist. But it didn’t matter. It happened, and there was no denying it.
“It was a big one. It was meaningful.”
“Oh. I see.” He rolled over and didn’t say another word.
I wrestled with myself about whether to keep talking. But I couldn’t think of anything else to say other than one last thing.
“I’m sorry, Bodo. If I could take it back, I would.”
No response.
It took me a long time to fall asleep, and when I finally did, nightmares of being left behind and abandoned by the boy I loved filled my head and left me crying silently in the dark.
***
When I awoke, I was alone on my blanket with only a sleeping kitten and Buster to keep me company. Peter was standing with a group of girls across the room and Bodo was nowhere to be seen. I left the ball of fur suffering under the poodle’s anxious attention to use the temporary latrine that Peter had a group dig out the day prior. On my way out I looked around, but still didn’t see Bodo anywhere.
When I emerged from behind the tarp that served as the latrine’s door, Rob was standing outside.
“Hey, Rob, what’s up?”
“Just draining the main vein. You know how it is.”
“Ew. Too much information, dude. Why are you using the outhouse, though? Can’t you just go anywhere?”
“Technically, yes. But Peter is making everyone go in the same place. He says he wants to control disease and sanitation or whatever.”
I laughed. “Awesome. Well, enjoy.” I gestured to the tarp as I walked by.
“Wait up for me. I’ll just be a second.”
I stood back a few paces waiting for him. He talked while he wizzed.
“We need to get going on our little rescue plan or whatever. There’s no reason to wait. Fohi’s not going no matter what he says, and the longer we wait, the more time we give those asshole canners a chance to get in there again and in bigger groups.”
I nodded absently, thinking about the nightmare of walking in on a recently fought canner war. The casualties would be horrendous.
“Yeah. I know. The logistics suck, though … I wish we could take Peter with us.”
“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” said
Similar Books
