I had been in years. I was not going to tell my husband about the job. I knew how he would feel about it and since I was going to be working while he was off at his own job there really was no reason for him to know. Alan had asked me to come into work the next day and I decided to do a little shopping when I left his office. I wanted to make sure I was dressed to impress on my first day of work. I spent a few hours shopping and thinking about that sparkle I had seen in Alan’s eyes. I wondered what type of man he was and I wondered how it would be working for him. I also caught myself thinking about how attractive he was on several occasions and had to force myself to stop. I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush which was actually a pretty good feeling considering the way I had been feeling lately. I knew that my husband was right about me. I had let myself go, but I also knew that it was not completely my fault. He was partly to blame as well. As I shopped, I thought about how I had struggled with my weight over the years and how each time I would begin to lose weight my husband would bring home sweet snacks, fresh baked cakes and pies. It was as if he did not want me to lose the weight after all. I wondered if he had purposely been sabotaging me, but I had to put that thought out of my head. I could not understand why he would complain so much about my weight if he really did not want me to lose the weight. On my way home that evening I was excited, but I found myself thinking a lot about my husband. It had been so long since he had touched me, since he had even wrapped his arms around me and just held me. It was as if we had become nothing more than roommates. Roommates that really did not like each other. Tears welled up in my eyes as I wondered if he was having an affair. I could not deny that it was a possibility and it was quite likely that he was. I pulled into my driveway and found that once again I would be home alone at least for a few hours but tonight this was okay with me. I did not want to have to explain why I had went shopping. It had been so long since I had bought any new clothes that I knew my husband would question my motives and I did not want to have to lie. I unloaded all of the new clothes I had purchased and put them away, then decided that I needed to make some dinner before jumping in the shower. I was so excited to start my new job the next day and to see Alan again that I knew I would have trouble sleeping. I knew exactly what I would wear and how I would do my hair and makeup. It had been years since I had anything to look forward to and I was going to enjoy the next day as much as I could. After I showered, I decided that I would go lay in my bed and read until I fell asleep. It was late before Josh came home and tonight I did not even open my eyes to greet him when he lay in the bed next to me. He smelled of scotch and cigarette smoke, a smell that I had become all too familiar with over the past few months. Normally I would have laid there crying knowing that my husband would rather go to a bar than come home and be with his wife, but instead I just went back to sleep ready to start my new life the next morning. I woke up to Josh getting ready for work, it was early, the sun was still not up but I got out of bed just as I did every other morning and made him breakfast. I did not sit down in the dining room with him as I normally did, though, I knew that he would have some smart remark and was not going to let him ruin this day for me. I had decided that this job was going to lead me into a new life, one that I would be happy with. One that would not make me hate living, but would allow me to enjoy it each day. I knew that if things did not change between Josh and myself, I would have to make a decision about our relationship. I was not ready to say that it was over at this point, but I knew that if things did end, I would not be able to simply rely on alimony to get me by. I