Read Online America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 1: Feeling Lucky by Walter Knight - Free Book Online Page B

detached spider
leg as Private Ceausescu attempted to put a dressing on his wound.
“Crab legs?”
    “ I don’t know. Maybe,” I
answered. “Williams! I want you to cook us up some crab legs. Or
maybe boil them like a lobster or something.”
    “ Do I look like a cook?”
complained Private Williams. “I am not eating spider.”
    “ Don’t you give me no crap
about cooking up some bugs,” I snapped. “You told me you cooked up
lots of bugs back in Tennessee. And I saw you eat a raw cricket
earlier in the tunnel.”
    “ That was crawdads I ate
back home, not bugs,” corrected Private Williams. “Besides, isn’t
it unethical to be eating the enemy? Aren’t there rules or
something against that sort of thing?”
    “ You will be remembered for
the rules you break,” said Corporal Lopez. “But Williams might be
right.”
    “ Does everyone in Tennessee
eat bugs?” asked Private Green. “Is that why you are so
odd?”
    “ Crawdads. Not bugs,”
repeated Private Williams.
    “ I’ve been to Tennessee,”
said Private Green. “I didn’t see anyone there eating bugs or
crawdads. What part of Tennessee do you come from?”
    “ Erwin, Tennessee,” said
Private Williams. “It’s in the eastern part of the
state.”
    “ And they eat bugs there?”
taunted Private Green, laughing.
    “ You better stop,” warned
Private Williams.
    “ All of us learn to write in
the second grade,” said Private Green. “Most of us go on to greater
things. But you went on to eat bugs?”
    “ What?” asked Private
Williams. “The Legion is enough for me.”
    “ I’m sorry,” said Private
Green, still laughing. “Seriously, tell me about Erwin. What is
Erwin’s claim to fame? Does Erwin have a statue of General Lee in
front of the Court House?”
    “ Who? I don’t know. A long
time ago they hung an elephant in Erwin,” said Private Williams, in
a low voice.
    “ No way,” said Private
Green.
    “ An elephant in a traveling
circus killed its trainer. No one in town had a gun big enough to
put the elephant down humanely, so they hung the elephant from a
railroad crane.”
    “ Lynched an elephant?”
commented Private Green, shaking his head. “Only in the
South.”
    “ The townsfolk aren’t all
that proud of it,” said Private Williams. “There is still a plaque
describing the hanging of Big Mary at the railroad
station.”
    “ Life is tough,” said
Private Green. “It’s even tougher when you are stupid.”
    “ Enough!” I said. “I’m so
hungry I could eat an elephant. Either find some food, or start
cooking spiders.” Looking up at the ceiling, I saw some vents.
“Private Kool! Run an antenna up that vent and try to make contact
with the Seventh Fleet. Download all our video camera data and send
that out too. Maybe the military intelligence geeks can use
it.”
    We had a feast that evening. Spider meat was
a bit salty, like sea food. There were lots of leftovers, so we
stowed meat in our backpacks for the hike out. I took a shower
under the waterfall and felt like a new man. Private Kool finally
contacted Seventh Fleet. They were glad to hear from us. I talked
to Captain McGee first.
    “ Where the hell have you
been?” he asked. “I thought you were dead a long time
ago.”
    “ We had to go underground
when we got nuked,” I explained. “We just fought a big battle with
the spiders. No one killed. Finally found a vent to run an antenna
up to contact Fleet and send data.”
    “ Right, we’ve been reviewing
your video. God damn, I’ve never seen anything quite like what you
have been through,” said Captain McGee. “You want to talk to the
press about your experiences? Of course you do. I’m connecting you
now.”
    “ Sure,” I said, slumping
down to sit on the cave floor. “Why the hell not?”
    “ Sergeant Czerinski, this is
Phil Coen, Channel Five World News. We meet again. Do you realize
the news sensation you have caused? The galaxy has been worried
sick about you being missing in