Chapter One
It had been five days since Connor had disappeared in the night in his wolf form, and each day I had felt more and more helpless, until I felt overwhelmed by the emotion, like helpless was all I was. But there was nowhere to go, nothing to do with that feeling. I couldn't contact Connor, I couldn't go after him. All I could do was pray that he found his way back to me.
But that didn't stop me from thinking, obsessing really, over what I would say to him if I could talk to him. I sat on the big wide window sill at the front of the house, wrapped up in a blanket and watching the rain fall, and rehearsed for the hundredth time the speech in my head that I feared I would never get to say out loud.
If Connor had come walking through the front door at that very moment I would have told him that I loved him, that he meant more to me than he could ever possibly know. I would tell him that he had rescued me, physically but emotionally and psychologically as well. And I would say that nothing could ever change that, that he had a place in my heart forever.
If only he would come back.
Just then I heard footsteps behind me and whirled around, thinking that maybe my thoughts and prayers had somehow summoned him back to my side. But it was just Marcus, treading lightly, seeming a little unsure of himself, like he didn't want to intrude on my private pain.
Which was silly, it was his mansion, he could go wherever he pleased in it. I still thought of myself as just a guest.
"How are you?" he said in a quiet voice, in to the silence that I had enveloped myself in for the last few days. It was almost strange to hear another person's voice.
"I'm..." I almost said 'okay' just on instinct, but I wasn't even remotely okay. "I just wish he would come back," I finally said. It was the most positive thing I could think to say in that moment.
Marcus didn't say anything in reply, but he came and sat down on the other corner of the big window sill, so that he was facing me.
"Do you think he's coming back?" I asked.
"I do," Marcus said without hesitation, "but if you had asked me if he would stay away this long when he first left, I would have been equally sure the answer would be no." He waited a long moment, and neither of us said anything. "It's funny, ever since I found him, he and I haven't been apart for more than twenty-four hours. I know I seem to like my loneliness," he looked at me, "but it was always a comfort to me to know that he was just a little ways away."
I knew that feeling well. After having been forced to be alone for so many years, being around others who I felt safe with was such a welcome relief. Even with Connor gone, just knowing that Marcus was still in the mansion, just a minute away if I needed anything, was a big part of what was keeping me sane while I held my silent vigil for Connor, waiting for his return.
But even so, the thought that plagued me was whether there was even a place for me in that mansion without Connor there. I had gotten a taste of something amazing with Connor, and while having Marcus there was a comfort, it wasn't enough. I was safe with Marcus, but safety wasn't enough. I needed love, and companionship.
I felt a few tears coming, and I was so accustomed to crying by that point that I didn't even bother to wipe them away. But Marcus saw them and he immediately got up and came over to me. He silently pushed me back from the side of the window sill and then squeezed himself in between, so that I was leaning against his big, warm chest, rather than the hard, cold wood.
And it was such a strange thing, to have Marcus comforting me, Marcus who was always so cold and distant, that I immediately stopped crying. He wrapped one big arm around me, like he had when he had been helping to teach me to shift at will, and pulled me back on to him, and I finally settled in, though it felt strange, like maybe I was somehow betraying Connor.
I couldn't help but think that if Connor had wandered
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