Read Online All She Wants for Christmas by Jaci Burton - Free Book Online

him, that he’d wanted what Amanda could offer him.
    And she’d never spoken to either of them again. Hurt and rage had taken over, and she’d left town the next day without asking for explanations, without seeing Ethan again.
    It had been a knee-jerk reaction, a youthful reaction.
    “So she manipulated us both.”
    “I guess.”
    “Why did you marry her?”
    “She was pregnant. And it was mine. Or so she told me.”
    “You got proof?”
    “She showed me the pregnancy test. I had no choice but to believe her. You said it yourself. She was never around other guys.”
    Her eyes widened. “You mean she got pregnant after that night?”
    “Yeah, I guess, because I didn’t sleep with her again after that.”
    “So you did have sex with her.”
    He laughed. “I have no idea. I don’t think I did. If I did, I sure as hell don’t remember it, but I wasn’t one hundred percent confident, so I was kind of stuck. I couldn’t deny I was in bed with her that morning.”
    “What about her scholarship? Did she really lose it?”
    “Doubtful. I think she was just afraid she’d never be as good as you. And she’d taken me away from you, so that was her triumph. So I married her. And then she miscarried a couple months later.”
    “I’m sorry, Ethan.”
    He dragged his fingers through his hair and laughed. “You know what? So was I at the time. As hurt and angry as I was with her, I was still upset when she lost the baby. I didn’t love her, but I wanted the kid.”
    “You didn’t love her?”
    “No. I never loved her. I did what was right and took responsibility. I screwed up and I paid the price for making a mess of my life. But I was in love with you, not her.”
    Riley’s heart squeezed. She so wanted to believe that. “But you stayed married to her.”
    He let out a short laugh. “Yeah. I did.”
    “Why?”
    He lifted his gaze to hers, the pain in his eyes so raw she wanted to run from it. “Because when I commit to someone, I honor that commitment. I said I was going to be with her until death do us part. That meant something to me.”
    Riley blinked back the tears. That was Ethan. Once he had committed to her, he’d stuck by her side. Until she’d left him, hadn’t allowed him to explain what happened that night with Amanda.
    “Did you ever love her?”
    “I’d like to say yes. You knew her. She might have been a little spoiled, but she had her moments. She was fun and a little wild and crazy. And she could be so sweet and loving. And then we had Zoey.”
    Riley smiled. “Zoey is amazing.”
    “She is. I’ll always be grateful to Amanda for giving me Zoey. She’s the best part of my life. And Amanda was a wonderful mother. She seemed to settle after we had Zoey. It was almost as if she’d found what she was searching for.”
    “And then she got sick.”
    He nodded. “It devastated her, knowing she was going to leave Zoey behind. She felt as if that was somehow a punishment for all the lying and hurt she’d caused.”
    Riley’s throat constricted. “Oh, God. That’s not fair.”
    “She didn’t think it was, either. Neither did I. But we weren’t in charge. And Zoey lost her mother.”
    Riley felt sick inside. “I’m so sorry, Ethan. For you, for Amanda and for Zoey.”
    “I’m the one who’s sorry. There are so many things I could have done differently that night. When Amanda called, I should have called you to see what was up. I could have tried to find you to make you come over there with me. I didn’t do that. I just assumed what Amanda said, that you weren’t home. And when you ran off that morning after finding us together, I went after you. God, I spent days trying to find you.”
    Riley’s heart stuttered. “You did?”
    “Of course I did. I searched everywhere. I didn’t know where you went. I was crazy worried about you. But then I thought…you know what? Maybe you’re better off without me. Maybe this is for the best. I was such a fucking coward letting you go. I