tears.
Daniel straightened, his eyes filling, too. âYouâre nice with him.â
âOne is easier than two,â she shrugged, laying the bottleâs nipple against Noamâs lips. âNothing can prepare you for two.â She slipped it in his mouth and he grasped the bottle and began to suck, sighing and shuddering. âThere,â she crooned. âWhat a clever boy.â She looked evenly at Daniel. âGrandchildren are easier than your own, too,â she said.
She was conceding something, Daniel realized. He fixed his eyes on Noamâs working cheeks, arms hugging his chest. âMom,â he whispered. âHow am I going to survive this?â
Her face broke and sagged, and then composed itself. She spoke to him sharply. âBy getting up every morning and putting one foot in front of the other, thatâs how. By faking it, until it gets real again. Thatâs what weâre all going to do.â
âOkay,â Daniel said in a small voice.
âAnd by taking care of these children. Listen.â Her voice had lowered, become conspiratorial. âWe will not let those Grossmans take them. I wonât have them raised in that house.â
âOne step at a time, Mom,â Daniel said. âLetâs get through the shiva.â He was suddenly dying to get away from this conversation before it got too specific. âThereâs no milk in the house. Iâm going to go out and get some.â
Lydia nodded. âAnd while youâre out, see if you can find something better than that awful Nescafé, okay?â
âOkay.â
âAnd what about some cookies, at least, for the shiva?â
âI donât think so, Mom,â he said. âWe have to trust Shoshi on this one.â She had told themâas Daniel had assumedâthat, according to custom, the family doesnât provide food for the shiva, that the visitors feed them instead.
He found his sandals and wallet, and looked for the key to Joel and Ilanaâs car for a long time, rummaging through every kitchen drawer, thrumming with the memory of Ilanaâs periodic tantrums, her bellowing, âI canât go on living in such a shit hole!â It occurred to him that Joel must have had their car keys with him, and there followed a moment in which Daniel tried and failed to ward off the thought that the bombâs impact had driven the keys through Joelâs pockets and into the flesh of his thighs, mashing them into his bones. A little starburst of horror went off in his chest, and he had to sit down. A few minutes passed, and he stood again and looked into the open drawer, which was spilling over with lightbulbs, batteries, hair ties, stamps, pens, and paper clips. Suddenly, his eyes lit miraculously upon a single car key, marked with a tag that said extra car key . He held it up with two fingers, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.
He closed the front door quietly on his way out. He was glad to leave his mother with the baby; she was being a marvel of strength, he thought, but if she didnât have the children to take care of, sheâd probably never be able to get out of bed again. She clearly assumed that she and Sam were going to take them, and for a moment Daniel regretted that Joel and Ilana hadnât made that happen. And yet it was hard to imagine that she and Sam would be thrilled to take on two little kids at their age. He considered calling Joelâs lawyer, Assaf Schwartz. He, Daniel, sure as hell wasnât going to be the person who broke the news. Let his parentsâ wrath descend upon a neutral person. He looked at his watch, and then realized heâd see Assaf at the shiva.
HE DROVE DOWN THE narrow street toward the center of the neighborhood, flooded by sense memoryâsun, stone, squeaking iron gates, narrow streets, little stores like caves crammed with goodies. Last September, heâd spent ten days with Joel and
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