mascara, some blush, a spritz of fragrance and a dab of gloss later, I was cramming into a taxi with Karen, Jacinta and Eliza, on our way to the big hair awards thing being held in a derelict – and thus achingly hip – warehouse.
As we walked down a lit-up pathway covered in floral arrangements, I felt an urgent prod in my back. It was a Jacinta finger-jab.
‘Keep walking,’ she said through her lips. ‘I’ve just seen Jesse, but keep walking and he won’t see yo—’
‘Hannah!
Hannah!
Hi!’ Jesse jogged over to where we were standing. My heartbeat thundered and I flushed with the embarrassment and shock and utter surprise of it all. I quickly tried to think of some of my Hardcore Man Rules. Ofcourse, just when I actually had a real-life situation to engage them, they had slunk off to the part of my brain that handles Year Four maths equations and second-verse national anthem lyrics. I turned for support, but Jacinta had traipsed upstairs with the others. Thanks, Jay.
I licked my lips and tried to make sense of things. I couldn’t believe he was standing right in front of me. After weeks of thinking about him incessantly, now he was actually here
in front of me
. He was wearing a black suit and an open-collared black shirt. His eyes were shining, his hair was cut short, and he looked healthy, happy,
hot
.
‘Um, hi,’ I muttered, looking down, hating that he had popped up today when I’d dropped the vanity ball. Especially as I’d had such a tight grip lately. Since having an ex-boyfriend floating around the same town, I had become one of those girls who always ‘puts on her face’. When you see your ex, you’re supposed to look so stunning that they remember what they’re missing. But mostly when you see them, you will look like shit.
‘So,’ – deep breath – ‘how are you, Han? Are you…are you doing okay? I mean, you look great, you look awesome, what I meant was – how’s the new job?’ he said, stumbling over his words as though they were jagged rocks and he was barefoot.
I looked wistfully, desperately to my stroppy fellow employees and boss waiting for me at the top of the stairs, and mumbled that I had to go. I wasn’t equipped for this situation; I had to abandon ship. It was sinking anyway, so what would it matter. I belted up the stairs, got my name ticked off the list by a gorgeous girl who couldn’t have been older than fourteen, and tried to stop my body from shaking. I looked around tosee if he was in the room. The cocktail of adrenalin, shock, embarrassment and upset inside me refused to calm.
‘Honey, are you okay? I left because I thought you two might want to be alone, I wasn’t abandoning you…’
‘I know, Jay, it’s cool. I’m just a little rattled, that’s all. That’s the first time I’ve seen him, since, you know…’ I trailed off, knowing tears would surely follow if I kept going.
She squeezed my hand and promised she wouldn’t leave my side again. The lump in my throat snuck up another few centimetres.
Suddenly, from deep in the haze of loud, laughing, tipsy people, I saw Jill heading towards me with nosy questions and thinly veiled gossip-hunger. I leapt behind Karen to hide, and tried to focus on Jacinta’s calm, soothing words. I couldn’t help skimming the room for Jesse as I listened. I didn’t trust my composure at this point. It had a distasteful habit of skipping off at the exact moment I needed it.
As my mind spun, Jacinta kept on. ‘Hannah, you look beautiful, you do.
He
even said you look great. So what if you’re wearing flats? I think you look adorable.’
After three oily canapés and eighteen minutes of torturous chatter with happy people whose ex-boyfriends were not at the same party, I backdoored it. I quickly snuck down the stairs and out onto the pavement. I was aware that the consequence of my premature exit might be that Karen scratched my eyeballs out, but I didn’t care. As I walked at lightning pace to the cab rank
As we walked down a lit-up pathway covered in floral arrangements, I felt an urgent prod in my back. It was a Jacinta finger-jab.
‘Keep walking,’ she said through her lips. ‘I’ve just seen Jesse, but keep walking and he won’t see yo—’
‘Hannah!
Hannah!
Hi!’ Jesse jogged over to where we were standing. My heartbeat thundered and I flushed with the embarrassment and shock and utter surprise of it all. I quickly tried to think of some of my Hardcore Man Rules. Ofcourse, just when I actually had a real-life situation to engage them, they had slunk off to the part of my brain that handles Year Four maths equations and second-verse national anthem lyrics. I turned for support, but Jacinta had traipsed upstairs with the others. Thanks, Jay.
I licked my lips and tried to make sense of things. I couldn’t believe he was standing right in front of me. After weeks of thinking about him incessantly, now he was actually here
in front of me
. He was wearing a black suit and an open-collared black shirt. His eyes were shining, his hair was cut short, and he looked healthy, happy,
hot
.
‘Um, hi,’ I muttered, looking down, hating that he had popped up today when I’d dropped the vanity ball. Especially as I’d had such a tight grip lately. Since having an ex-boyfriend floating around the same town, I had become one of those girls who always ‘puts on her face’. When you see your ex, you’re supposed to look so stunning that they remember what they’re missing. But mostly when you see them, you will look like shit.
‘So,’ – deep breath – ‘how are you, Han? Are you…are you doing okay? I mean, you look great, you look awesome, what I meant was – how’s the new job?’ he said, stumbling over his words as though they were jagged rocks and he was barefoot.
I looked wistfully, desperately to my stroppy fellow employees and boss waiting for me at the top of the stairs, and mumbled that I had to go. I wasn’t equipped for this situation; I had to abandon ship. It was sinking anyway, so what would it matter. I belted up the stairs, got my name ticked off the list by a gorgeous girl who couldn’t have been older than fourteen, and tried to stop my body from shaking. I looked around tosee if he was in the room. The cocktail of adrenalin, shock, embarrassment and upset inside me refused to calm.
‘Honey, are you okay? I left because I thought you two might want to be alone, I wasn’t abandoning you…’
‘I know, Jay, it’s cool. I’m just a little rattled, that’s all. That’s the first time I’ve seen him, since, you know…’ I trailed off, knowing tears would surely follow if I kept going.
She squeezed my hand and promised she wouldn’t leave my side again. The lump in my throat snuck up another few centimetres.
Suddenly, from deep in the haze of loud, laughing, tipsy people, I saw Jill heading towards me with nosy questions and thinly veiled gossip-hunger. I leapt behind Karen to hide, and tried to focus on Jacinta’s calm, soothing words. I couldn’t help skimming the room for Jesse as I listened. I didn’t trust my composure at this point. It had a distasteful habit of skipping off at the exact moment I needed it.
As my mind spun, Jacinta kept on. ‘Hannah, you look beautiful, you do.
He
even said you look great. So what if you’re wearing flats? I think you look adorable.’
After three oily canapés and eighteen minutes of torturous chatter with happy people whose ex-boyfriends were not at the same party, I backdoored it. I quickly snuck down the stairs and out onto the pavement. I was aware that the consequence of my premature exit might be that Karen scratched my eyeballs out, but I didn’t care. As I walked at lightning pace to the cab rank
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