his face for a moment, looking for some flicker that'll betray the truth. He's watched it. I know he has. “If you really haven't seen it,” I continue, “then you should. All of it. I give you permission.”
“Permission?”
“You know what I mean,” I reply. “Frankly, if you still say you haven't watched it at our next session, I almost feel like you're not doing your job properly. You can't help me without seeing it.”
***
“Anna! Hey Anna, hold up!”
Stopping with my key in the front door, I turn and see Karen running along the driveway.
“Hey,” she says breathlessly, smiling as she reaches me and leans against the wall. “Didn't you hear me calling you from down the street? Jesus Christ, I am so out of shape.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, opening the door and letting her into the hallway of Mum's house, “I guess I was in a world of my own.” As she steps through, I can't help noticing that she's wearing some kind of dark blue uniform. “Have you been at work?”
She turns and points proudly at a logo on one side of her chest. “I got a job a while back at the Maple Cornell Hotel in town. I told you the other night, remember?”
“Um... Maybe, yeah.” Shutting the door, I can't help feeling as if I'm in a complete daze. Still, it's a good job Karen is here, or I'd probably end up watching the video again. As I slip out of my coat and scarf, however, I can tell that something seems to be bothering her, and it only takes a fraction of a second for me to guess what's on her mind. “So you've seen it?” I ask.
“Seen what?”
“The video.”
She stares at me, her eyes filled with panic.
“It's okay,” I tell her. “I get it, the damn thing is -”
“All I saw was some screen-grabs,” she blurts out. “I'm sorry, Anna, I didn't mean to -”
“It's fine.”
“They were just on this tech site,” she continues, almost as if she's panicking. “They ran a news story about the video leaking online, but the shots were totally, like, pixelated in places to cover your face and...” She pauses. “It was just shots from when you were sitting around by some camp-fire, they didn't show anything from the bad parts.”
“Huh.” Leading her through to the kitchen, I'm momentarily gripped by the urge to scream. Still, that urge fades quickly, and as I set the kettle on to boil I realize that in some weird way I actually feel relieved. I knew the video would get out there, and at least now it's done.
“Are you okay?”
I turn to her. “I'm fine.”
“Being fine in a situation like this is definitely not fine,” she tells me.
“I found my spare nose,” I point out with a forced smile. “I guess it's not spare anymore. I've ordered a new spare one online. The company that makes them already has a scan of -”
“Aren't you freaking out?”
“About what?”
She stares at me. “Well, I mean... People seeing you like that.”
“I can't change anything,” I reply. “If screaming and ranting and having some kind of breakdown would undo what happened, or even just undo the video getting out, then I'd go right ahead and scream for as long as necessary. But it won't do a damn thing, so what's the point?”
“What about -”
“I had fun the other night,” I add. “Out with you and your friends, I mean. I'm sorry I got freaked when my nose fell off. I know I probably should have eased myself into things a little more slowly, but it was still pretty cool. I learned a valuable lesson.”
I wait for her to reply, for her to say something normal, but there are tears in her eyes.
“Don't cry,” I tell her. “Please, Karen, if I'm not crying, you definitely don't get to.”
She sniffs the tears back. “I know,” she says, her voice trembling a little, “it's just... I hate everything about what's happening to you.”
“It's over,” I reply, as the kettle finishes boiling. “The video coming out was the last thing that those assholes could do to hurt me, even from
“Permission?”
“You know what I mean,” I reply. “Frankly, if you still say you haven't watched it at our next session, I almost feel like you're not doing your job properly. You can't help me without seeing it.”
***
“Anna! Hey Anna, hold up!”
Stopping with my key in the front door, I turn and see Karen running along the driveway.
“Hey,” she says breathlessly, smiling as she reaches me and leans against the wall. “Didn't you hear me calling you from down the street? Jesus Christ, I am so out of shape.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, opening the door and letting her into the hallway of Mum's house, “I guess I was in a world of my own.” As she steps through, I can't help noticing that she's wearing some kind of dark blue uniform. “Have you been at work?”
She turns and points proudly at a logo on one side of her chest. “I got a job a while back at the Maple Cornell Hotel in town. I told you the other night, remember?”
“Um... Maybe, yeah.” Shutting the door, I can't help feeling as if I'm in a complete daze. Still, it's a good job Karen is here, or I'd probably end up watching the video again. As I slip out of my coat and scarf, however, I can tell that something seems to be bothering her, and it only takes a fraction of a second for me to guess what's on her mind. “So you've seen it?” I ask.
“Seen what?”
“The video.”
She stares at me, her eyes filled with panic.
“It's okay,” I tell her. “I get it, the damn thing is -”
“All I saw was some screen-grabs,” she blurts out. “I'm sorry, Anna, I didn't mean to -”
“It's fine.”
“They were just on this tech site,” she continues, almost as if she's panicking. “They ran a news story about the video leaking online, but the shots were totally, like, pixelated in places to cover your face and...” She pauses. “It was just shots from when you were sitting around by some camp-fire, they didn't show anything from the bad parts.”
“Huh.” Leading her through to the kitchen, I'm momentarily gripped by the urge to scream. Still, that urge fades quickly, and as I set the kettle on to boil I realize that in some weird way I actually feel relieved. I knew the video would get out there, and at least now it's done.
“Are you okay?”
I turn to her. “I'm fine.”
“Being fine in a situation like this is definitely not fine,” she tells me.
“I found my spare nose,” I point out with a forced smile. “I guess it's not spare anymore. I've ordered a new spare one online. The company that makes them already has a scan of -”
“Aren't you freaking out?”
“About what?”
She stares at me. “Well, I mean... People seeing you like that.”
“I can't change anything,” I reply. “If screaming and ranting and having some kind of breakdown would undo what happened, or even just undo the video getting out, then I'd go right ahead and scream for as long as necessary. But it won't do a damn thing, so what's the point?”
“What about -”
“I had fun the other night,” I add. “Out with you and your friends, I mean. I'm sorry I got freaked when my nose fell off. I know I probably should have eased myself into things a little more slowly, but it was still pretty cool. I learned a valuable lesson.”
I wait for her to reply, for her to say something normal, but there are tears in her eyes.
“Don't cry,” I tell her. “Please, Karen, if I'm not crying, you definitely don't get to.”
She sniffs the tears back. “I know,” she says, her voice trembling a little, “it's just... I hate everything about what's happening to you.”
“It's over,” I reply, as the kettle finishes boiling. “The video coming out was the last thing that those assholes could do to hurt me, even from
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