me,” Nurse Judy says. “Time …time and prayer heals all wounds.”
“Easy for you to say, you’re the one in the white uniform. You’re not the patient, I am.”
“Yes.” Nurse Judy is quiet. A couple of minutes pass while I tried to stop crying.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude. I feel so alone.”
“You’re not alone, honey. I’ve been there, too.”
“You’ve been a patient?”
“No.” She looks at me with such kindness. “I lost my baby.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” She stands up. “I need to get evening med trays ready. We’ll talk again.” She squeezes my shoulder, returns to the nurses’ station.
Chapter 13
I ’ve been out of protection only a week, and I’m not sure I can handle group therapy. But if I ever want to get out, I have to go. If you don’t follow the rules, you don’t go home.
Dr. Murray gets there just in time to begin the session. “Welcome back, Luanne.”
“I can’t take this shit.” Isabel pulls her crew neck shirt down over her belly and squirms in her chair. “The first time I came here, they called it the Blind Room . Before that, I heard it was called the Strong Room . I don’t care what you call it, it’s torture. Some gals in there for months at a time. You tell me, could you be locked up like that and not go crazy?”
Isabel leans back and folds her arms across her chest. “Luanne, you look like you’ve come back from the grave.”
“Thanks.” Leave it to Isabel to make me smile.
“Progress is slow,” Dr. Murray says to Isabel. “I understand your frustration.”
“Bullshit.”
“I know, I know. Let’s move on. Who wants to start today?” Dr. Murray says. The usual ritual starts, with the group members looking down and fidgeting in their seats.
“I guess I could start.”
“Go ahead, Beth,” Dr. Murray says.
“My parents are pressuring me to leave the hospital. They don’t think I belong here. I haven’t even told them about what goes on …the forced feeding …stuff like that.”
“Did they say why?” Dr. Murray asks.
“They noticed the bruise on my neck and asked the nurse supervisor about it. She told them about Margaret attacking me in the dayroom. I’m sure she didn’t say all of it. But my mom cried.”
“You don’t tell them what goes on here? Why not?” Isabel asks.
“I …don’t know.” Beth looks at her blankly.
“Keeping things from your parents, Beth, when did that start?” Dr. Murray asks.
“Well, I remember when my classmates used to tease me every day at school. I didn’t tell my parents about that. Gosh, that was grade school.”
“The kids teased you ?” Heidi looks shocked.
“Yes. They used to call me Lambchop .”
“ Lambchop ? Like the puppet?”
“Yes. You know what? I really did look like Lambchop. I had big bulgy eyes, thick bangs.”
“Well, you obviously got revenge,” Autumn says.
“What do you mean?”
“Ah, you’re gorgeous?”
“Beth, you’re a beautiful girl with great talent. I know you were a star at Interlochen Arts Academy. Harp and violin, right?” Dr. Murray asks.
“And voice,” Beth says. “All of that is over now.”
“What do you want Beth?” Dr. Murray asks. “Do you feel you want to leave the hospital? Your weight is still low. You haven’t yet met your clinical goals.”
“I don’t know. I hate seeing my parents upset.”
“Jesus Christ. Your parents?” Heidi says. “What about you?”
“Heidi has a good point,” Dr. Murray nods.
“I’m okay,” Beth says quietly.
“Yeah, right,” Isabel rolls her eyes.
“I want to be a good patient. I don’t want to bail out on you guys. But my parents aren’t happy. I don’t know.” The group falls silent.
I don’t know what to say. Beth is such a cute girl, kind and polite. Even after hearing her talk in group, I still don’t understand the eating problem. I can’t make sense of my own life, let alone Beth’s. Feeling like you
“Easy for you to say, you’re the one in the white uniform. You’re not the patient, I am.”
“Yes.” Nurse Judy is quiet. A couple of minutes pass while I tried to stop crying.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude. I feel so alone.”
“You’re not alone, honey. I’ve been there, too.”
“You’ve been a patient?”
“No.” She looks at me with such kindness. “I lost my baby.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” She stands up. “I need to get evening med trays ready. We’ll talk again.” She squeezes my shoulder, returns to the nurses’ station.
Chapter 13
I ’ve been out of protection only a week, and I’m not sure I can handle group therapy. But if I ever want to get out, I have to go. If you don’t follow the rules, you don’t go home.
Dr. Murray gets there just in time to begin the session. “Welcome back, Luanne.”
“I can’t take this shit.” Isabel pulls her crew neck shirt down over her belly and squirms in her chair. “The first time I came here, they called it the Blind Room . Before that, I heard it was called the Strong Room . I don’t care what you call it, it’s torture. Some gals in there for months at a time. You tell me, could you be locked up like that and not go crazy?”
Isabel leans back and folds her arms across her chest. “Luanne, you look like you’ve come back from the grave.”
“Thanks.” Leave it to Isabel to make me smile.
“Progress is slow,” Dr. Murray says to Isabel. “I understand your frustration.”
“Bullshit.”
“I know, I know. Let’s move on. Who wants to start today?” Dr. Murray says. The usual ritual starts, with the group members looking down and fidgeting in their seats.
“I guess I could start.”
“Go ahead, Beth,” Dr. Murray says.
“My parents are pressuring me to leave the hospital. They don’t think I belong here. I haven’t even told them about what goes on …the forced feeding …stuff like that.”
“Did they say why?” Dr. Murray asks.
“They noticed the bruise on my neck and asked the nurse supervisor about it. She told them about Margaret attacking me in the dayroom. I’m sure she didn’t say all of it. But my mom cried.”
“You don’t tell them what goes on here? Why not?” Isabel asks.
“I …don’t know.” Beth looks at her blankly.
“Keeping things from your parents, Beth, when did that start?” Dr. Murray asks.
“Well, I remember when my classmates used to tease me every day at school. I didn’t tell my parents about that. Gosh, that was grade school.”
“The kids teased you ?” Heidi looks shocked.
“Yes. They used to call me Lambchop .”
“ Lambchop ? Like the puppet?”
“Yes. You know what? I really did look like Lambchop. I had big bulgy eyes, thick bangs.”
“Well, you obviously got revenge,” Autumn says.
“What do you mean?”
“Ah, you’re gorgeous?”
“Beth, you’re a beautiful girl with great talent. I know you were a star at Interlochen Arts Academy. Harp and violin, right?” Dr. Murray asks.
“And voice,” Beth says. “All of that is over now.”
“What do you want Beth?” Dr. Murray asks. “Do you feel you want to leave the hospital? Your weight is still low. You haven’t yet met your clinical goals.”
“I don’t know. I hate seeing my parents upset.”
“Jesus Christ. Your parents?” Heidi says. “What about you?”
“Heidi has a good point,” Dr. Murray nods.
“I’m okay,” Beth says quietly.
“Yeah, right,” Isabel rolls her eyes.
“I want to be a good patient. I don’t want to bail out on you guys. But my parents aren’t happy. I don’t know.” The group falls silent.
I don’t know what to say. Beth is such a cute girl, kind and polite. Even after hearing her talk in group, I still don’t understand the eating problem. I can’t make sense of my own life, let alone Beth’s. Feeling like you
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