Read Online Acquainted With the Night by Erica Abbott - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Erica Abbott
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didn’t cheat on her, but I must have done something. All I know is when something went wrong with her first relationship, CJ left. So I must have done something wrong. What else can I think?”
“Was there another occasion where CJ acted in this way?” Wheeler asked.
“She had another serious relationship with a woman, after she moved here,” Alex said. “But after they broke up, she didn’t take off. In fact, I met the woman, her ex, last year. In fact, almost exactly a year ago.”
“Did CJ seem disturbed by that meeting? Do you think it precipitated her leaving?”
Again, Alex thought a moment, then shook her head. “No. I met Stephanie in March, and CJ didn’t take off until July. She mostly seemed worried about my reaction to meeting her. And we did fight about my belief that Steph was responsible for the accident, although I’ve never been able to prove it.” Alex looked away. “Maybe that disagreement was more serious than I thought.”
“What accident?” Wheeler asked, frowning.
Alex briefly explained what had happened last March. When she was finished, Wheeler asked, “CJ left the relationship with Steph but she didn’t leave town, then.”
“No. That’s true.”
“But you think she ran away from you.”
“Look,” Alex said in exasperation, “I see what your point is. Maybe a pattern I thought I saw isn’t there at all. I think she really left Georgia, not so much because of what happened with Laurel, but because her family cut off their relationship with her. That hurt her a lot, I know.”
She thought she saw a brief flicker of something in Wheeler’s eyes. “But you still believe that CJ left because of you?”
“Yes,” Alex answered. “You don’t know how hard I tried to find her.
“Talked to her friends, even tried to talk to her family, not that they would speak to me. I called every police department and sheriff’s office in the state, I think, trying to locate her. She must have wanted to disappear really badly. Disappear so even I couldn’t find her.” With a slowly dawning realization, Alex added, “And I think I can give you a real answer to your question.”
“Which question was that?”
“You started out today by asking what I was looking to get from therapy.”
“Yes. And what do you think that is?”
Alex took a deep breath and released it. “I want to know—no, I need to know why she left me. If I can resolve that, somehow, even if it’s only in my own mind, maybe I can move on. I’ll always love her, but maybe someday I’ll be able to see a life without her, a future, if I can just understand the past.”
Wheeler looked at her speculatively. “Knowing what other people’s motives are isn’t always possible,” she said. “But I do believe that you can come to understand what has happened in your life, from your own perspective. If you can come to understand your own motives, why you made the decisions you made, you can change your behaviors.” She smiled at Alex and added, “It’s a goal we can work toward.”
* * *
It was dark by the time Alex got home to the condo. She turned on the lights in the foyer as she took off her jacket and threw her keys on the table. As she hung up her coat, she looked down, as she had every evening since last July, hoping to find a pair of CJ’s discarded shoes on the floor of the entryway.
CJ always stepped out of her shoes as soon as she walked in the door, a habit that had driven Alex a little crazy. Why didn’t she walk a few more feet and take them off in their closet? Alex had to avoid tripping over them every time she came home.
But there were no shoes on the floor after CJ had come home that last time. Alex looked every night, waiting for CJ to come home and make everything right again.
The session with Dr. Wheeler, helpful though it was, had exhausted her. She couldn’t decide which was more difficult: talking about CJ to her therapist, or not talking about CJ to everyone else.
She
“Was there another occasion where CJ acted in this way?” Wheeler asked.
“She had another serious relationship with a woman, after she moved here,” Alex said. “But after they broke up, she didn’t take off. In fact, I met the woman, her ex, last year. In fact, almost exactly a year ago.”
“Did CJ seem disturbed by that meeting? Do you think it precipitated her leaving?”
Again, Alex thought a moment, then shook her head. “No. I met Stephanie in March, and CJ didn’t take off until July. She mostly seemed worried about my reaction to meeting her. And we did fight about my belief that Steph was responsible for the accident, although I’ve never been able to prove it.” Alex looked away. “Maybe that disagreement was more serious than I thought.”
“What accident?” Wheeler asked, frowning.
Alex briefly explained what had happened last March. When she was finished, Wheeler asked, “CJ left the relationship with Steph but she didn’t leave town, then.”
“No. That’s true.”
“But you think she ran away from you.”
“Look,” Alex said in exasperation, “I see what your point is. Maybe a pattern I thought I saw isn’t there at all. I think she really left Georgia, not so much because of what happened with Laurel, but because her family cut off their relationship with her. That hurt her a lot, I know.”
She thought she saw a brief flicker of something in Wheeler’s eyes. “But you still believe that CJ left because of you?”
“Yes,” Alex answered. “You don’t know how hard I tried to find her.
“Talked to her friends, even tried to talk to her family, not that they would speak to me. I called every police department and sheriff’s office in the state, I think, trying to locate her. She must have wanted to disappear really badly. Disappear so even I couldn’t find her.” With a slowly dawning realization, Alex added, “And I think I can give you a real answer to your question.”
“Which question was that?”
“You started out today by asking what I was looking to get from therapy.”
“Yes. And what do you think that is?”
Alex took a deep breath and released it. “I want to know—no, I need to know why she left me. If I can resolve that, somehow, even if it’s only in my own mind, maybe I can move on. I’ll always love her, but maybe someday I’ll be able to see a life without her, a future, if I can just understand the past.”
Wheeler looked at her speculatively. “Knowing what other people’s motives are isn’t always possible,” she said. “But I do believe that you can come to understand what has happened in your life, from your own perspective. If you can come to understand your own motives, why you made the decisions you made, you can change your behaviors.” She smiled at Alex and added, “It’s a goal we can work toward.”
* * *
It was dark by the time Alex got home to the condo. She turned on the lights in the foyer as she took off her jacket and threw her keys on the table. As she hung up her coat, she looked down, as she had every evening since last July, hoping to find a pair of CJ’s discarded shoes on the floor of the entryway.
CJ always stepped out of her shoes as soon as she walked in the door, a habit that had driven Alex a little crazy. Why didn’t she walk a few more feet and take them off in their closet? Alex had to avoid tripping over them every time she came home.
But there were no shoes on the floor after CJ had come home that last time. Alex looked every night, waiting for CJ to come home and make everything right again.
The session with Dr. Wheeler, helpful though it was, had exhausted her. She couldn’t decide which was more difficult: talking about CJ to her therapist, or not talking about CJ to everyone else.
She
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