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Authors: Erica Abbott
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said sharply, “You can’t let it. I know how hard it is. I really do.”
Alex gave her a sad smile. “Well, you seem to be getting over it a lot better than I am.”
Nicole released her fingers and sat back. “I had Charlie to consider. I had to pull myself together, for him.”
“Yes,” Alex said. “I guess I’m just not motivated enough to get over her.”
“Listen to me. I need you, Alex. Charlie needs you. Promise me you’ll try.”
Alex said nothing, and Nicole said, “You’re scaring me. Stop.”
Alex finally answered, “I promise, Nic. I just don’t know how much longer I can take feeling like this.”
Chapter Seven
“We talked last week about how you were feeling,” Elaine Wheeler said to Alex. “Today I’d like for you to tell me more about what you expect to get from therapy.”
Alex smoothed her hand over the white leather on the arm of the chair and said, “I’m not completely sure. I know I want to stop hurting so much, I suppose.”
“Why do you think it hasn’t gotten better, over time?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because my life feels as if it’s somehow pending. Like I’m waiting for something.”
“What do you think you’re waiting for?”
She tried to sort through an answer that made sense.
Wheeler said, “This will work more effectively if you try to respond as honestly as you can, without worrying about how you think it will sound.”
Alex almost smiled. It was like questioning a suspect. You were always trying for the most spontaneous, least rehearsed reaction.
“I’m waiting for her to come back to me,” she said simply.
“Do you believe that will happen?” Wheeler asked.
“Do I believe it? No,” Alex responded. “Do I still have some hope that she might come back to me? Yes.”
“Why is that?”
“I suppose because it’s human nature to hope, even against all odds, for what we want. CJ didn’t just vanish, go missing. She went into work, worked half a day, wrote a letter of resignation, withdrew some money from her account, and apparently went home to our condo and packed a few clothes. Then she drove away and no one has heard from her since.”
“Did she leave you a note?”
“Yes. It was not helpful,” Alex said shortly.
Wheeler looked at her curiously. “I’m not sure what you mean by ‘not helpful.’”
“It didn’t tell me anything I needed to know. She didn’t explain why she was leaving, or what I did wrong to make her leave. She said exactly two things, and neither one of them made much sense, in that context.”
Wheeler tapped a finger against her chin. “I’m interested in your perception that you feel as if you did something to make her leave. Why do you feel that way?”
Alex felt frustrated. “Well, it seems obvious to me. If she were upset about her job, or somebody else in her life, a friend, she could have changed that without vanishing. It had to be something about me, or our relationship.”
“Couldn’t she have changed that without disappearing?”
“She could have,” Alex admitted. “But it was probably easier for her to just walk away from me than to stay and face telling me—whatever it was. She did that once before, walked out on a lover.”
“Tell me about that.”
Alex sighed. “When CJ was nineteen, she met a woman at college. She fell in love with her, and CJ told her family she was gay. They basically disowned her, never spoke with her again. She stayed with this woman, believing they were in love and going to build a life together. They lived together for four years, then CJ walked in to find Laurel with another woman in bed. CJ threw her out, and then she ran away, left Georgia and moved here. She hasn’t been back since, not even when her father died a couple of years ago, because she knows her family doesn’t want to see her.”
Wheeler said gently, “And you believe this is the same thing as before?”
Did she? Alex thought about it a minute. “I guess I do. I don’t know. I
Alex gave her a sad smile. “Well, you seem to be getting over it a lot better than I am.”
Nicole released her fingers and sat back. “I had Charlie to consider. I had to pull myself together, for him.”
“Yes,” Alex said. “I guess I’m just not motivated enough to get over her.”
“Listen to me. I need you, Alex. Charlie needs you. Promise me you’ll try.”
Alex said nothing, and Nicole said, “You’re scaring me. Stop.”
Alex finally answered, “I promise, Nic. I just don’t know how much longer I can take feeling like this.”
Chapter Seven
“We talked last week about how you were feeling,” Elaine Wheeler said to Alex. “Today I’d like for you to tell me more about what you expect to get from therapy.”
Alex smoothed her hand over the white leather on the arm of the chair and said, “I’m not completely sure. I know I want to stop hurting so much, I suppose.”
“Why do you think it hasn’t gotten better, over time?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because my life feels as if it’s somehow pending. Like I’m waiting for something.”
“What do you think you’re waiting for?”
She tried to sort through an answer that made sense.
Wheeler said, “This will work more effectively if you try to respond as honestly as you can, without worrying about how you think it will sound.”
Alex almost smiled. It was like questioning a suspect. You were always trying for the most spontaneous, least rehearsed reaction.
“I’m waiting for her to come back to me,” she said simply.
“Do you believe that will happen?” Wheeler asked.
“Do I believe it? No,” Alex responded. “Do I still have some hope that she might come back to me? Yes.”
“Why is that?”
“I suppose because it’s human nature to hope, even against all odds, for what we want. CJ didn’t just vanish, go missing. She went into work, worked half a day, wrote a letter of resignation, withdrew some money from her account, and apparently went home to our condo and packed a few clothes. Then she drove away and no one has heard from her since.”
“Did she leave you a note?”
“Yes. It was not helpful,” Alex said shortly.
Wheeler looked at her curiously. “I’m not sure what you mean by ‘not helpful.’”
“It didn’t tell me anything I needed to know. She didn’t explain why she was leaving, or what I did wrong to make her leave. She said exactly two things, and neither one of them made much sense, in that context.”
Wheeler tapped a finger against her chin. “I’m interested in your perception that you feel as if you did something to make her leave. Why do you feel that way?”
Alex felt frustrated. “Well, it seems obvious to me. If she were upset about her job, or somebody else in her life, a friend, she could have changed that without vanishing. It had to be something about me, or our relationship.”
“Couldn’t she have changed that without disappearing?”
“She could have,” Alex admitted. “But it was probably easier for her to just walk away from me than to stay and face telling me—whatever it was. She did that once before, walked out on a lover.”
“Tell me about that.”
Alex sighed. “When CJ was nineteen, she met a woman at college. She fell in love with her, and CJ told her family she was gay. They basically disowned her, never spoke with her again. She stayed with this woman, believing they were in love and going to build a life together. They lived together for four years, then CJ walked in to find Laurel with another woman in bed. CJ threw her out, and then she ran away, left Georgia and moved here. She hasn’t been back since, not even when her father died a couple of years ago, because she knows her family doesn’t want to see her.”
Wheeler said gently, “And you believe this is the same thing as before?”
Did she? Alex thought about it a minute. “I guess I do. I don’t know. I
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