Read Online A Valentine from Harlequin by Christine Nancy u Bell Catherine u Warren Maggie u Spencer Michele u Shayne Hauf - Free Book Online
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behavior?”
“He read my private thoughts, which he had no right to do. Even so, I would have explained if he had asked me.”
“What possible explanation could there be but the obvious. John was very clear about what he found in your diary—your obvious passion for another man, your desire to be with him, your dismay that you could not. Surely you cannot fault him for believing you did not love him, the man you had pledged to marry? What else was he, or any wealthy, titled man of reason to think but that you were marrying him for those things, and not himself?”
“That’s not it.” Now that the time had come to tell the whole truth, Charlotte hardly knew where to begin. Or if she should even try. And yet she could not forget what he had implied only moments ago, something that had made her heart race even as she read John’s letter. If she did not tell James everything now, she might regret it for the rest of her lonely life.
“The diary John found was not a recent one. I haven’t kept one for three years, well before I became engaged to your brother. I did love another man then, passionately. But nothing came of it. I thought he didn’t care for me, for he never paid me much attention. When he went away, I thought that was the end of it. I believed it was the end of it, and still believing it, conceived an affection for John. I did care for him, truly, and it breaks my heart anew to realize that he died because he didn’t believe that.”
“Maybe your passion for this unknown lover was not as dead as you claimed,” James replied. “The diary alone would not have been enough to cause John such despair. There must have been something else.”
“You have been away a long time, James. John was not the lad you left when he took his life. He was jealous of any man who glanced at me, and nothing I said seemed to alleviate his fears. He would rage at me, and for no reason. Any little thing would set him off. Even if he had never found the diary, he might have despaired of my love enough to end his life anyway.”
“Then you no longer love this man you wrote about?”
“I thought I did not,” she said, her gaze searching his face. “I thought he did not love me.”
Willing himself to feel nothing—not envy as he had felt for John when he had announced his engagement, or remorse for keeping his feelings buried for so long—James turned to stare out the window. “I’ll order Charles to return you to your uncle’s house. Our engagement is officially over, and I’ll leave you alone. You are free, Charlotte.”
“Oh, James,” she cried, moving to sit beside him and taking his face between her chilly palms as the letter fluttered to the floor. “It was you I wrote about in the diary. After you went away, I thought I could forget you and what I felt for you, that I could love John, that we could be happy. I was devastated when he died. You must believe me, James.” Her hands dropped limply to her lap. “But now I see that you are right, too. I did deceive him.” She raised her stricken eyes to look at him. “Yet I didn’t know it, because I was deceiving myself, too. I didn’t realize that I agreed to marry John because he was so much like you.”
Finally, she had confessed—but it was not at all what he had expected. Nor was she the only one guilty of keeping secrets that had led to such disastrous consequences.
Full of remorse for all that he had done and not done, James grabbed her hands and clasped them between his. “I do believe you, Charlotte, and I’m so sorry for how I’ve misjudged and mistreated you. I’ve loved you for years, but I was too shy to say so. You always seemed so bold, so confident, I thought you would laugh at me. And then when I realized how John felt about you, I was sure I didn’t stand a chance, so I went away. If I had stayed home and made my feelings known, how different things might have been! John would still be alive and we could have been
“He read my private thoughts, which he had no right to do. Even so, I would have explained if he had asked me.”
“What possible explanation could there be but the obvious. John was very clear about what he found in your diary—your obvious passion for another man, your desire to be with him, your dismay that you could not. Surely you cannot fault him for believing you did not love him, the man you had pledged to marry? What else was he, or any wealthy, titled man of reason to think but that you were marrying him for those things, and not himself?”
“That’s not it.” Now that the time had come to tell the whole truth, Charlotte hardly knew where to begin. Or if she should even try. And yet she could not forget what he had implied only moments ago, something that had made her heart race even as she read John’s letter. If she did not tell James everything now, she might regret it for the rest of her lonely life.
“The diary John found was not a recent one. I haven’t kept one for three years, well before I became engaged to your brother. I did love another man then, passionately. But nothing came of it. I thought he didn’t care for me, for he never paid me much attention. When he went away, I thought that was the end of it. I believed it was the end of it, and still believing it, conceived an affection for John. I did care for him, truly, and it breaks my heart anew to realize that he died because he didn’t believe that.”
“Maybe your passion for this unknown lover was not as dead as you claimed,” James replied. “The diary alone would not have been enough to cause John such despair. There must have been something else.”
“You have been away a long time, James. John was not the lad you left when he took his life. He was jealous of any man who glanced at me, and nothing I said seemed to alleviate his fears. He would rage at me, and for no reason. Any little thing would set him off. Even if he had never found the diary, he might have despaired of my love enough to end his life anyway.”
“Then you no longer love this man you wrote about?”
“I thought I did not,” she said, her gaze searching his face. “I thought he did not love me.”
Willing himself to feel nothing—not envy as he had felt for John when he had announced his engagement, or remorse for keeping his feelings buried for so long—James turned to stare out the window. “I’ll order Charles to return you to your uncle’s house. Our engagement is officially over, and I’ll leave you alone. You are free, Charlotte.”
“Oh, James,” she cried, moving to sit beside him and taking his face between her chilly palms as the letter fluttered to the floor. “It was you I wrote about in the diary. After you went away, I thought I could forget you and what I felt for you, that I could love John, that we could be happy. I was devastated when he died. You must believe me, James.” Her hands dropped limply to her lap. “But now I see that you are right, too. I did deceive him.” She raised her stricken eyes to look at him. “Yet I didn’t know it, because I was deceiving myself, too. I didn’t realize that I agreed to marry John because he was so much like you.”
Finally, she had confessed—but it was not at all what he had expected. Nor was she the only one guilty of keeping secrets that had led to such disastrous consequences.
Full of remorse for all that he had done and not done, James grabbed her hands and clasped them between his. “I do believe you, Charlotte, and I’m so sorry for how I’ve misjudged and mistreated you. I’ve loved you for years, but I was too shy to say so. You always seemed so bold, so confident, I thought you would laugh at me. And then when I realized how John felt about you, I was sure I didn’t stand a chance, so I went away. If I had stayed home and made my feelings known, how different things might have been! John would still be alive and we could have been
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