Read Online A Time to Dance by Padma Venkatraman - Free Book Online Page B

everything
    except good thoughts.”
    My eyes fix themselves
    on the feet rising and stamping the earth so effortlessly.
    It’s hard not to grudge the ease with which the others move.
    I’m not sure I can empty myself of wishing
    for those able bodies I don’t own.

TOUCH
LOST
    Pa, Ma, Paati, Chandra, all ask,
    â€œHow does the new leg
    feel?”
    I don’t point out
    their question misses a point:
    Even this new leg
    doesn’t
    feel.
    I won’t ever feel
    five of my toes,
    my ankle,
    my instep,
    my heel.
    My right foot will never tell me if the floor is
    wet/dry,
    hot/cold,
    flat/sloping,
    rough/smooth,
    bumpy/slippery.
    My right leg has
    lost touch with the world.
    But when they ask,
    I say,
    â€œAmazing,”
    because it feels amazingly better than the old trial limb
    and because I know
    that’s the answer
    they need to hear.

ONLY
Three
TALENTS
    Tired of holding the wall
    when I perform the apology to the Earth Goddess,
    I try it without support
    although a tremor crawls up my spine
    at the thought of falling in front of the children.
    My feet and knees to the sides, I lower my torso,
    my back erect.
    I feel the weight on my left side rolling onto the ball of my foot,
    feel my left heel lift off the ground.
    But I can’t sense what my right foot is doing.
    Unbalanced,
    I tumble out of position.
    My bottom bumps on the ground.
    A giggle erupts and spreads.
    The entire earth seems to shake with scorn.
    I am a fallen piece of rubble.
    â€œSilence.” Govinda’s eyes
    leap like angry flames.
    Every trace of laughter dies.
    Govinda instructs the class to continue,
    walks over to face me and assumes the pose himself:
    knees bent all the way to the sides,
    resting his torso on his heels, legs folded in half beneath him,
    balancing on tiptoe, back perfectly straight.
    He’s so close I catch the faint coconut scent of his hair.
    â€œVeda, our ancient scriptures say
    the best dancers must have ten talents:
    balance,
    agility,
    steadiness,
    grace,
    intelligence,
    dedication,
    hard work,
    the ability to sing well,
    to speak well,
    and to see deeply and expressively.
    You’ve only lost the first three talents.
    Only for a while.”
    The three I need most.
    What use are the rest?
    â€œSoon you’ll regain all ten talents.”
    Govinda waits.
    In the depths of his eyes I see no pity.
    Only patience and trust.
    His hands stretch on either side of my waist
    between the edge of my blouse and the top of my skirt
    near enough to hold me from another fall
    but not touching.
    He thinks I can do it on my own.
    â€œOnly three have you lost.
    Only temporarily.
    You have all seven other talents.”
    He repeats those words
    as though they’re an incantation.
    Listening to his resonant voice,
    I rise to my mismatched feet.

TWO MEN
    Our exam results arrive.
    Chandra tops the list.
    Paati and my parents sign a card for her and
    Chandra and I go to her favorite café—Java Joy—to celebrate.
    â€œYour family must be thrilled,” I tell her. “My ma’s backed off
    since the accident,
    but deep down
    she probably still wishes I could be an engineer.
    She’d exchange you
    for me
    any day.”
    Chandra stabs a piece of cake. “Your family gives me
    so much attention.
    Mine hardly notices my achievements.
    Everything I do, one of my sisters did already.
    Plus, you know that boy my sister was seeing in secret?
    His parents found out about them.
    They were angry because they’re wealthier and a different caste.
    So he dumped her.
    She’s miserable, poor thing.
    She was so upset she even told my parents about him
    after they broke up.
    So my parents are in a tizzy trying to set her up
    with a suitable boy now. No time for me.”
    To steer Chandra’s thoughts away from her family,
    I ask if she’s decided what she wants to do in college yet,
    though college is still years and many exams away.
    â€œI’m going to become a