Read Online A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator by Lemony Snicket - Free Book Online

on her fingers "There's the hook-handed man, or the bald man with the long nose, or that one who looks like neither a man nor a woman." "Or maybe those two dreadful powder-faced women--the ones who helped kidnap the Quagmires--are roommates," Klaus said. "Co," Sunny said, which meant something like "Or maybe Gunther managed to trick one of the other residents of 667 Dark Avenue into letting him into their apartment, and then he tied them up and is sitting there hiding in the kitchen." "If we find Gunther in the building," Violet said, "then at least the Squalors will know that he is a liar. Even if they don't believe he's really Count Olaf, they'll be very suspicious if he's caught hiding in another apartment." "But how are we going to find out?" Klaus asked. "We can't simply knock on doors and ask to see each apartment." "We don't have to see each apartment," Violet said. "We can listen to them." Klaus and Sunny looked at their sister in confusion for a moment, and then began to grin. "You're right!" Klaus said. "If we walk down the stairs, listening at every door, we may be able to tell if Gunther is inside." "Lorigo!" Sunny shrieked, which meant "What are we waiting for? Let's go!" "Not so fast," Klaus said. "It's a long trip down all those stairs, and we've already done a lot of walking--and crawling, in your case, Sunny. We'd better change into our sturdiest shoes, and bring along some extra pairs of socks. That way we can avoid blisters." "And we should bring some water," Violet said, "so we won't get thirsty." "Snack!" Sunny shrieked, and the Baudelaire orphans went to work, changing out of their pajamas and into appropriate stair-climbing outfits, putting on their sturdiest shoes, and tucking pairs of extra socks into their pockets. After Violet and Klaus made sure that Sunny had tied her shoes correctly, the children left their bedrooms and followed their crumbs down the hallway, through a living room, past two bedrooms, down another hallway, and into the nearest kitchen, sticking together the whole time so they wouldn't lose one another in the enormous penthouse. In the kitchen they found some grapes, a box of crackers, and a jar of apple butter, as well as a bottle of water that the Squalors used for making aqueous martinis but that the Baudelaires would use to quench their thirst during their long climb. Finally, they left the penthouse apartment, walked past the sliding elevator doors, and stood at the top of the curving stairway, feeling more like they were about to go mountain climbing than downstairs. "We'll have to tiptoe," Violet said, "so that we can hear Gunther, but he can't hear us." "And we should probably whisper," Klaus whispered, "so that we can eavesdrop, without people eavesdropping on us." "Philavem," Sunny said, which meant "Let's get started," and the Baudelaires got started, tiptoeing down the first curve of the stairway and listening at the door of the apartment directly below the penthouse. For a few seconds, they heard nothing, but then, very clearly, they heard a woman talking on the phone. "Well, that's not Gunther," Violet whispered. "He's not a woman." Klaus and Sunny nodded, and the children tiptoed down the next curve to the floor below. As soon as they reached the next door, it flung open to reveal a very short man in a pinstripe suit. "See you later, Avery!" he called, and, with a nod to the children, shut the door and began walking down the stairs. "That's not Gunther either," Klaus whispered. "He's not that short, and he's not calling himself Avery." Violet and Sunny nodded, and the children tiptoed down the next curve to the floor below the floor below. They stopped and listened at this door, and heard a man's voice call out, "I'm going to take a shower, Mother," and Sunny shook her head. "Mineak," she whispered, which meant "Gunther would never take a shower. He's filthy." Violet and Klaus nodded, and the children tiptoed down the next curve, and then the next, and the next and