Read Online A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator by Lemony Snicket - Free Book Online Page A

plenty more after that, listening at each door, whispering briefly to one another, and moving on. As they walked farther and farther down the stairway, they began to grow tired, as they always did when making their way to or from the Squalors' apartment, but this time they had additional hardships as well. The tips of their toes grew tired from all that tiptoeing. Their throats grew hoarse from all that whispering. Their ears were aching from listening at all those doors, and their chins drooped from nodding in agreement that nothing they heard sounded like Gunther. The morning wore on, and the Baudelaires tiptoed and listened, whispered and nodded, and by the time they reached the lobby of the building, it seemed that every physical feature of the Baudelaire orphans was suffering in some way from the long climb. "That was exhausting," Violet said, sitting down on the bottom step and passing around the bottle of water. "Exhausting and fruitless." "Grape!" Sunny said. "No, no, Sunny," Violet said. "I didn't mean we didn't have any fruit. I just meant we didn't learn anything. Do you think we missed a door?" "No," Klaus said, shaking his head and passing around the crackers. "I made sure. I even counted the number of floors this time, so we could double-check them on the way up. It's not forty-eight, or eighty-four. It's sixty-six, which happens to be the average of those two numbers. Sixty-six floors and sixty-six doors and not a peep from Gunther behind any of them." "I don't understand it," Violet said miserably. "If he's not in the penthouse, and he's not in any of the other apartments, and he hasn't left the building, where could he be?" "Maybe he is in the penthouse," Klaus said, "and we just didn't spot him." "Bishuy," Sunny said, which meant "Or maybe he is in one of the other apartments, and we just didn't hear him." "Or maybe he has left the building," Violet said, spreading apple butter on a cracker and giving it to Sunny. "We can ask the doorman. There he is." Sure enough, the doorman was at his usual post by the door, and was just noticing the three exhausted children sitting on the bottom step. "Hello there," he said, walking up to them and smiling from beneath the wide brim of his hat. Sticking out of his long sleeves were a small starfish carved out of wood, and a bottle of glue. "I was just going to put up this ocean decoration when I thought I heard someone walking down the stairs." "We just thought we'd have lunch here in the lobby," Violet said, not wanting to admit that she and her siblings had been listening at doors, "and then hike back up." "I'm sorry, but that means that you're not allowed back up to the penthouse," the doorman said, and shrugged his shoulders inside his oversized coat. "You'll have to stay here in the lobby. After all, my instructions were very clear: You were not supposed to return to the Squalor penthouse until the guest left. I let you go up last night because Mr. Squalor said that your guest was probably on his way down, but he was wrong, because Gunther never showed up in the lobby." "You mean Gunther still hasn't left the building?" Violet asked. "Of course not," the doorman said. "I'm here all day and all night, and I haven't seen him leave. I promise you that Gunther never walked out of this door." "When do you sleep?" Klaus asked. "I drink a lot of coffee," the doorman answered. "It just doesn't make any sense," Violet said. "Sure it does," the doorman said. "Coffee contains caffeine, which is a chemical stimulant. Stimulants keep people awake." "I didn't mean the part about the coffee," Violet said. "I meant the part about Gunther. Esme-that's Mrs. Squalor--is positive that he left the penthouse last night, while we were at the restaurant. But you are equally positive that he didn't leave the building. It's a problem that doesn't seem to have a solution." "Every problem has a solution," the doorman said. "At least, that's what a close associate of mine says. Sometimes it just