his hand, feeling the warm roughness of his fingers against my cheek. His breath shudders.
I step closer.
I look up, and heâs searching my eyes, just like he did after kissing me for the first time in the rain. âWhat are you looking for?â
He doesnât answer.
He doesnât need to.
I know what he wants.
And itâs not fair.
âJust because weâre the only two teenagers on this whole ship doesnât mean I have to love you. Why canât I have a choice? Options?â
Elder steps back, stung.
âLook, itâs not that I
donât
like you,â I say quickly, reaching for him. He jerks away. âItâs just . . .â
âJust what?â he growls.
Just that if I was back on Earth instead of on this damn ship, if I had met Elder at school or at a club or on a blind date, if I had my choice between Elder and every other boy in the world . . . Would I love him then?
Would he love me?
Love without choice isnât love at all.
âJust that I donât want to be with you just because thereâs no one else.â
11
ELDER
âBUT . . .â
Â
But sheâs already gone.
12
AMY
THE NEXT MORNING, I GO STRAIGHT TO MY PARENTS. I STARE at their icy faces until my eyes hurt, then I squeeze them shut. But whether I see them or not, the truth remains: They are frozen. I am not. And
Godspeed
is stopped.
Stopped
.
I force these thoughts from my head. Instead, I try to think of something to say to my parents, some memory I miss. But I canât concentrate. I sigh, stand up, and slam my parents back into their cryo chambers. Nothingâs been right since Elderâs fight with me, and I canât dwell on both their past and ours.
Itâs strange. On Earth, Iâve been called a lot worse than
freak
. But here, that word carries a different meaning, and when shouted at you by one of the few people you trust, it carries a different hurt.
As I straighten, something digs into the side of my leg. I reach into my pocket and pull out the small rectangle of black plastic that I found yesterday in the Recorder Hall. I almost showed it to Elder, but . . . I couldnât. When I got to the Keeper Level, I just wanted to be with him, without ominous messages from Orion to distract us. And then all I wanted was to escape from him.
The black rectangle looks like a small version of a floppy, so I swipe my fingers along the top of it. A glowing box lights up in the middle of the screen. Words flash across it: RESTRICTED ACCESS
.
I glance up. Without meaning to, Iâve meandered past the cryo chambers and toward the gen lab on the far side of this level. Beyond that door are vats of genetic material Doc and Eldest used to manipulate pregnancies during the Season, the water pump used to distribute Phydus . . . and Orion. Whatâs left of him. A frozen shell like my parents.
I roll my thumb across the biometric scanner that locks the door to the gen lab and step inside once the door zips open. Someoneâs placed a chair right beside the closest cryo chamber in the room, facing the thick glass window, like a Father positioning a chair to speak to the bedridden ill. I kick the chair out of the way so that Iâm face-to-face with the man behind the glass.
Orion.
âI
hate
you,â I say.
His eyes bulge, his fingers claw, but he canât reach me. He canât respond, he canât blink, he canât even move. Heâs frozen, as good as dead.
But I still hate him.
This is Orionâs punishment. For the murders of the frozens and for the death of Eldest. Whenâifâthe ship lands and the other cryogenically frozen people awake, they are to judge him for his murders and do with him as they see fit. That is the sentence Elder laid on him when he pushed the button to freeze him. But I knowâin ways that no one else on this ship doesâthe real punishment is in being frozen.
I step closer.
I look up, and heâs searching my eyes, just like he did after kissing me for the first time in the rain. âWhat are you looking for?â
He doesnât answer.
He doesnât need to.
I know what he wants.
And itâs not fair.
âJust because weâre the only two teenagers on this whole ship doesnât mean I have to love you. Why canât I have a choice? Options?â
Elder steps back, stung.
âLook, itâs not that I
donât
like you,â I say quickly, reaching for him. He jerks away. âItâs just . . .â
âJust what?â he growls.
Just that if I was back on Earth instead of on this damn ship, if I had met Elder at school or at a club or on a blind date, if I had my choice between Elder and every other boy in the world . . . Would I love him then?
Would he love me?
Love without choice isnât love at all.
âJust that I donât want to be with you just because thereâs no one else.â
11
ELDER
âBUT . . .â
Â
But sheâs already gone.
12
AMY
THE NEXT MORNING, I GO STRAIGHT TO MY PARENTS. I STARE at their icy faces until my eyes hurt, then I squeeze them shut. But whether I see them or not, the truth remains: They are frozen. I am not. And
Godspeed
is stopped.
Stopped
.
I force these thoughts from my head. Instead, I try to think of something to say to my parents, some memory I miss. But I canât concentrate. I sigh, stand up, and slam my parents back into their cryo chambers. Nothingâs been right since Elderâs fight with me, and I canât dwell on both their past and ours.
Itâs strange. On Earth, Iâve been called a lot worse than
freak
. But here, that word carries a different meaning, and when shouted at you by one of the few people you trust, it carries a different hurt.
As I straighten, something digs into the side of my leg. I reach into my pocket and pull out the small rectangle of black plastic that I found yesterday in the Recorder Hall. I almost showed it to Elder, but . . . I couldnât. When I got to the Keeper Level, I just wanted to be with him, without ominous messages from Orion to distract us. And then all I wanted was to escape from him.
The black rectangle looks like a small version of a floppy, so I swipe my fingers along the top of it. A glowing box lights up in the middle of the screen. Words flash across it: RESTRICTED ACCESS
.
I glance up. Without meaning to, Iâve meandered past the cryo chambers and toward the gen lab on the far side of this level. Beyond that door are vats of genetic material Doc and Eldest used to manipulate pregnancies during the Season, the water pump used to distribute Phydus . . . and Orion. Whatâs left of him. A frozen shell like my parents.
I roll my thumb across the biometric scanner that locks the door to the gen lab and step inside once the door zips open. Someoneâs placed a chair right beside the closest cryo chamber in the room, facing the thick glass window, like a Father positioning a chair to speak to the bedridden ill. I kick the chair out of the way so that Iâm face-to-face with the man behind the glass.
Orion.
âI
hate
you,â I say.
His eyes bulge, his fingers claw, but he canât reach me. He canât respond, he canât blink, he canât even move. Heâs frozen, as good as dead.
But I still hate him.
This is Orionâs punishment. For the murders of the frozens and for the death of Eldest. Whenâifâthe ship lands and the other cryogenically frozen people awake, they are to judge him for his murders and do with him as they see fit. That is the sentence Elder laid on him when he pushed the button to freeze him. But I knowâin ways that no one else on this ship doesâthe real punishment is in being frozen.
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