Read Online A Journey of the Heart by Catherine M. Wilson - Free Book Online
Authors: Catherine M. Wilson
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"But for me, none of our misfortunes would have happened. The painted people would never have been a threat to us, so in the end we lost much and gained nothing."
She turned to me. "And if not for me, your mother's sisters would not have died. Your mother would not have gone home to take her mother's place and you might never have been born." She smiled. "So you see, it is possible to pluck good fruit from an evil tree."
My mind was a confusion of questions. How could just one person be responsible for a war? I didn't see how she could blame herself for the decisions of so many people.
Maara spoke aloud what I was thinking. "How could you blame yourself? You could not have known what the result would be."
"No," Namet replied. "No one could have known."
Her eyes softened as she returned Maara's gaze. "I understand what you're saying, my child. I was only one link in a chain of events that led us into disaster. But you must look deeper for the truth."
She turned to me. "Do you think I did wrong?"
"No, Mother," I replied. "You thought you were doing what was best for everyone."
Namet turned back to Maara. "Do you share her opinion?"
Maara said nothing. The two women sat looking at each other until prickles began to run up and down my spine. The silence went on so long that I had to resist the urge to break it.
"If I had known the outcome, would I have done differently?" Namet said at last. "That's the question behind the question. And the answer is, I don't know. Because of what I did, I had my husband back. I had five years with him I would not have had otherwise. I can't wish that undone. What I've never been able to decide is if I would have urged the alliance on our people even if I had known the consequences, to save my husband's life."
"The answer to that question doesn't matter," Maara said. "It's a question you were never asked. You will never bear the guilt for even the most treacherous answer to it."
A tear slid down Namet's cheek. Maara looked away, embarrassed, but Namet reached out and took her hand.
"You are a gift," said Namet.
The shadows of the stones stretched across the circle. I lay back in the grass and thought about Namet's story. Namet fell into a doze, still sitting up, with her back against the stone. I caught Maara's eye.
"When you spoke of the question she was never asked," I whispered, "what did you mean?"
"Has life never asked you a question?"
"I don't think so."
Maara chuckled softly. "Life asks you questions every day," she said.
33. Innocent Birds
The next day Sparrow came home. I was practicing with my bow when I heard the soft footfall of someone approaching me from behind. I thought it might be Maara, coming to see how I was doing. When Sparrow slipped her arms around my waist, I caught the scent of lemon grass.
"Don't you know how to use that thing yet?" she asked me.
I paid no attention to her teasing. I turned in her arms and hugged her tight. "I've missed you," I said.
She let go of me and held me at arm's length. "Have you grown taller?"
"I don't think so."
She pulled me toward her, as if she were measuring my height against her own body. Then she bent and kissed me. "Will you come down to the willow tree?"
"Now?"
"Yes, now. When did you think?"
I hesitated.
"If you don't want to -- "
"Maara might come looking for me."
"Will she be angry if you're not here?"
"No."
"Then come on."
She took my hand and led me down the hill. We slipped through the curtain of drooping branches and settled ourselves on the soft moss under the tree. I leaned my bow against the trunk. Sparrow had never paid any attention to it before, but the carved designs caught her eye, and she ran her fingers over them.
"Where did you get this?" she asked me. "I've never seen a bow like it."
"My warrior gave it to me."
"Did she make this?"
Although Sparrow's guess provided a reasonable explanation, I couldn't bring myself to lie to her.
"No," I said. "She found it."
To my relief Sparrow
She turned to me. "And if not for me, your mother's sisters would not have died. Your mother would not have gone home to take her mother's place and you might never have been born." She smiled. "So you see, it is possible to pluck good fruit from an evil tree."
My mind was a confusion of questions. How could just one person be responsible for a war? I didn't see how she could blame herself for the decisions of so many people.
Maara spoke aloud what I was thinking. "How could you blame yourself? You could not have known what the result would be."
"No," Namet replied. "No one could have known."
Her eyes softened as she returned Maara's gaze. "I understand what you're saying, my child. I was only one link in a chain of events that led us into disaster. But you must look deeper for the truth."
She turned to me. "Do you think I did wrong?"
"No, Mother," I replied. "You thought you were doing what was best for everyone."
Namet turned back to Maara. "Do you share her opinion?"
Maara said nothing. The two women sat looking at each other until prickles began to run up and down my spine. The silence went on so long that I had to resist the urge to break it.
"If I had known the outcome, would I have done differently?" Namet said at last. "That's the question behind the question. And the answer is, I don't know. Because of what I did, I had my husband back. I had five years with him I would not have had otherwise. I can't wish that undone. What I've never been able to decide is if I would have urged the alliance on our people even if I had known the consequences, to save my husband's life."
"The answer to that question doesn't matter," Maara said. "It's a question you were never asked. You will never bear the guilt for even the most treacherous answer to it."
A tear slid down Namet's cheek. Maara looked away, embarrassed, but Namet reached out and took her hand.
"You are a gift," said Namet.
The shadows of the stones stretched across the circle. I lay back in the grass and thought about Namet's story. Namet fell into a doze, still sitting up, with her back against the stone. I caught Maara's eye.
"When you spoke of the question she was never asked," I whispered, "what did you mean?"
"Has life never asked you a question?"
"I don't think so."
Maara chuckled softly. "Life asks you questions every day," she said.
33. Innocent Birds
The next day Sparrow came home. I was practicing with my bow when I heard the soft footfall of someone approaching me from behind. I thought it might be Maara, coming to see how I was doing. When Sparrow slipped her arms around my waist, I caught the scent of lemon grass.
"Don't you know how to use that thing yet?" she asked me.
I paid no attention to her teasing. I turned in her arms and hugged her tight. "I've missed you," I said.
She let go of me and held me at arm's length. "Have you grown taller?"
"I don't think so."
She pulled me toward her, as if she were measuring my height against her own body. Then she bent and kissed me. "Will you come down to the willow tree?"
"Now?"
"Yes, now. When did you think?"
I hesitated.
"If you don't want to -- "
"Maara might come looking for me."
"Will she be angry if you're not here?"
"No."
"Then come on."
She took my hand and led me down the hill. We slipped through the curtain of drooping branches and settled ourselves on the soft moss under the tree. I leaned my bow against the trunk. Sparrow had never paid any attention to it before, but the carved designs caught her eye, and she ran her fingers over them.
"Where did you get this?" she asked me. "I've never seen a bow like it."
"My warrior gave it to me."
"Did she make this?"
Although Sparrow's guess provided a reasonable explanation, I couldn't bring myself to lie to her.
"No," I said. "She found it."
To my relief Sparrow
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