careful with that, ya know?”
“He’s not gonna find out, it’s only a little. And besides, that dude loves me.”
“Not enough to let you take money from him,” I joked.
“It’ll be okay.”
“I guess.”
The tiny bag was packed tight and filled to the brim with powder. I was nervous. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I didn’t think one time would hurt.
I watched him intently as he placed the bag between his legs. His eyes were fixed, trying to keep the bag level. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny mirror.
“Hold that for a sec,” he said.
Silently I sat there and watched what he was doing. I had to hold back, fighting thegiggles about to escape my lips, as he reached his hand inside the bag and picked up a little of the powder. I remembered watching some things on television about cocaine, so I thought he was going to do something elaborate or sophisticated – instead he used his hand. He put a pinch of powder on top of the mirror, separating it with a small rusted razor blade, and then lined it up.
To me, it didn’t look like a lot, so I trusted his judgment that it would be okay. I couldn’t imagine Jon noticing that it was gone, or anyone else for that matter.
“Ready?” Elijah began.
“I guess so. How do you do it?”
“It’s simple. Watch.”
He pulled out a dollar bill, rolled it tightly, as if it were a straw, and held it over the powder-covered mirror. He glanced over at me and smiled before deeply inhaling the powder through his nose. Quickly, the line was gone.
“Damn! All of it? Isn’t that too much?” I asked.
“Nah, that’s a normal amount.”
Elijah reached into his bag and grabbed a little more of the powder, placing it on top of the mirror. He lined it up quickly and handed me the rolled bill.
“Use it like you would a straw.”
I sat there and looked at the powder. It was all new to me then, so the thought of snorting that stuff up my nose made me nervous. But instead of asking any more questions, I leaned down and took all of it in.
My nose immediately itched in an unfamiliar and peculiar way. My body still felt normal, but then again I wasn’t exactly sure of what I was supposed to be feeling.
“How long does it take to hit?”
“Just lay back and relax. It will only take a few minutes.”
After that, Elijah and I laid next to each other, silently. He lit a cigarette, then once again placed his hand in mine. My mind started to drift, and a smile came upon my face as my body began to relax.
That was the first time I’d felt completely and thoroughly happy. I remember, even at that moment, wanting to feel like that every day. That was the beginning of my journey with meth.
I come awake in the alley, not panicked, but disoriented. My head is pounding, but at least my shakiness has subsided. I don’t remember feeling as upset as I was earlier for a long time. It’s like my own memories are stalking me.
It’s pitch black outside and I’m late for work. It’s the last thing I want to do right now; I’d rather sit here and sleep, butI’m broke. I need cash for food tomorrow, and maybe I can get my hands on some meth. I’m sure it won’t be that hard to find someone who can give me a bag, even if it’s only twenty dollars worth. I need it.
My mind is starting to drive me insane.
CHAPTER 9
It’s 4:20 in the morning.
I just woke up. I am lying on a cruddy motel room floor. My vision is foggy and I have the worst headache, more painful than any headache I have ever experienced. I’m a little disoriented and feel like I have been asleep for days, but judging by the alarm clock on the nightstand it has only been about an hour.
My night started off okay, I guess. I had a nose bleed that lasted for about two hours, so until it stopped I walked up and down Benz Street with a tissue plugged in mynose. Needless to say, the nose bleed made it difficult for any man to find me appealing. But when it dried and I managed to wipe the
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