Read Online A Family To Cherish by Carole Gift Page - Free Book Online Page A

bed.
    â€œWhat about Janee?” asked Doug warily, lying back down and pulling her gently into his arms.
    Barbara nestled her cheek against Doug’s firm chest. “How can I be a mother to Janee when every time I look at her I see…” Her words trailed off, too hurtful to speak aloud.
    â€œI know, Barb. It’s hard for me, too. But what can we do? Let’s just take it a day at a time.”
    Barbara was silent for a moment, recalling the face of another child—her smiles, her laughter and tears, the bedtime ritual, the prayers, the good-night kisses. “It hurts, Doug,” Barbara whispered. “It’s like I’m going through all the right motions…withthe wrong child. All I can see is Caitlin, but Caitlin isn’t there.”
    As Barbara waited for Doug to reply, she became aware of his deep, rhythmic breathing. Was it possible? He was already asleep! She lay quietly in his arms, her head still on his slowly rising and falling chest, and let her own breathing match his. Inhale…exhale. Slow and steady as gently lapping waves of the sea.
    This man she had loved for over ten years was closer to her than any other human being had ever been; she could feel the heat from his slumbering body warming hers. They were one in every way that counted. Over the years they had shared their most private thoughts and their most intimate times together. And yet, in the silence of this moment, in the pressing darkness of their room, Barbara had never felt more alone.
    Sometime in the night Barbara heard a child cry out. She sat bolt upright in bed and said breathlessly, “Caitlin? Is that you?” Sloughing off the dregs of sleep, she slipped out of bed and hurried barefoot out of her room and down the hall to Caitlin’s room. Her heart hammering with rabid expectancy, she flung open the door and flicked on the light. The sudden blinding glare brought her to her senses. Of course it wasn’t Caitlin she heard crying. It was the other child down the hall, the tiny youngster whohaunted Barbara with her similarities to Caitlin and yet taunted her with her differences.
    They weren’t the same child. They never could be. This tiny stranger could never take Caitlin’s place. And yet, wasn’t that just what Janee was destined to do—to slowly fill the spaces in Barbara’s life and in her home that had been Caitlin’s? As Barbara carefully closed the door to the silent, untouched room, she whispered solemnly, “Caitlin, baby, no matter what happens, Janee will never take your place in my heart. Never!”

Chapter Six
    T he crying came again. Janee weeping in her sleep. Barbara went to her, her own tears balled in her chest, constricting her breathing. Janee was asleep in her trundle bed, her scruffy teddy with its button eyes and pug nose nestled against her cheek.
    Barbara watched the child from the doorway, fearful of making a sound and waking her. Janee whimpered and called out “Mama,” her voice muffled, indistinct; then she was silent again. Barbara didn’t move. What could she do? What help could she be? How could she offer Janee comfort when she was so desperately in need of comfort herself?
    Barbara returned to her room and climbed in again beside Doug, fluffing her pillow under her head, allowing her body to relax against his warm, solid torso, barely touching.
    Doug stirred and asked sleepily, “What’s wrong?”
    â€œNothing. Janee’s just restless. Go back to sleep.”
    He was slumbering again almost as soon as she said the words. She lay on her back and stared up into the darkness as splinters of resentment imbedded themselves in her heart. She was angry at Doug, and she didn’t even know why. The anger had festered in her subconscious now for years, although most of the time she wasn’t even aware that it was there. But at times like this, during moments of crisis, she experienced a flaring,