my mom would be okay with it. I know she loves me for me. I know she just wants me to be happy.” He paused. “But—” At that moment I took his hand in mine. I wanted him to tell me what he had to say. I also wanted to give him a little bit of comfort knowing that I was here and I was going to listen to him.
Choking up , he said, “But my dad?” He shook his head. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen between him and I.” Sucking in a breath, Derrick let go of my hand and started to wipe the tears away from his face.
I couldn’t believe the way he was struggling. I didn’t have to go through this with my family. Of course there were people who didn’t accept me. People filled with ignorance. People I didn’t even know, or better yet, didn’t even know me. But my family and friends? They accepted me for who I was. To be honest, I don’t know how parents or siblings or friends could walk away from a person because of who they chose to love.
You can’t choose who you love. If you could, the world would be so much simpler. And for that sole reason, it wouldn’t be beautiful. You love people in spite of their flaws. If you could choose who you fell in love with, then people wouldn’t fall in love with abusers or addicts.
While I’ve never been in love or even remotely close to it , I truly believe everything happens for a reason. You may not understand it at that exact moment in time, but maybe it’s a life lesson. Or just a small lesson. In some way it makes an impact on your life and you’re changed forever.
Love doesn’t have a gender. It’s not a choice. You can’t force yourself to love someone. You simply fall. I think I realized then that I fell in love with Derrick Miles because when you love someone you think about them before yourself. You just want them to be happy. And if it’s with you? Then you feel like the luckiest person in the world. You look out for their well-being first. You just want that twinkle in their eye and that look on their face when they look at you.
I know it sounds crazy. I mean , how can you fall in love with someone after only knowing them for 24 hours? I have no idea, either, but that’s exactly what love is. It’s the impossible. There’s no explanation for it. It’s your feelings and emotions. Love is the only thing that really can conquer it all. It can get you through your messes and mistakes. It can tear you apart. It can open your mind to these great ideas and beautiful choices.
I’m not saying it’s easy. Nothing in life ever is, if it’s worth it. And love is. But when you love someone and you go through those struggles, you realize that those beautiful moments are worth going through the downfalls to get to the beautiful, amazing, sweet, cute uphills of love. While I’ve never experienced it, I do know that that’s what I would do. What people in love would do.
Of course with all of that said, there are different types of love. There’s the mutual respect type of love. There’s the for now love. Then there’s the forever love. The undying highs and lows, good and bad, beautiful and ugly type of love. The love that will get you through anything. Do anything. Be anyone.
I kneeled down in front of Derrick. He was still crying into his hands. I started to tear up. First off, I hate seeing people cry. It just tears me apart. But when it’s someone I’ve connected with? It kills me and I can’t take it.
I wrapped my hands around his wrists and pulled his hands away. Tears were falling freely from his face. His eyes were puffy. His bottom lip was quivering. His nose was running. Yet in spite of all of that, I still found him to be the most beautiful person I had ever seen.
Holding his hands in mine , I sucked in a breath and said, “I’ll be there with you.” I paused a moment. “Well, if you want me there.”
At that moment , Derrick opened his eyes. “I want you there.”
“Ok ay,” I said, nodding. But what I really wanted
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