Read Online 98 Wounds by Justin Chin - Free Book Online

push it so that they could get along with that damn silk trade: huge bins of silk worms twitching their little silken asses off into silky spindles were dawdling in bins all across the Canton harbor, and the Arabs were getting antsy for new fabrics for their new line of harem pants.
    We’re all drinking margaritas because it is Happy Hour and the margarita is a happy drink. The secret ingredient is Triple Sec, which hasn’t been officially named yet, but it’ll be easy to slip that one in later.
    Adam starts, “I’m so glad evolution has slowed down, I only have fifteen animal species left to name. Then there’s all these frogs in Mendocino that have been growing new limbs or less limbs and some of them have been growing more eyes and turning into some other thing altogether. Maybe in a few more years they’ll turn to birds. It’s screwing up my filing system. The work was piling up and I sent a memo to God for help, and so he got rid of a few species. Extinction, it’s my Labor Day present from the big guy.
    â€œAnd that’s just the animals. I have all these other stuff to name, too. This week alone, I had to name five new cheeses. Why don’t those goddamn Dutch just stop it already? It’s hard to name cheese, you should try it sometime. Do it wrong and Kraft calls you up to bitch about how they can’t sell it by such a sissy name. Gruyere was a lovely name, I thought.”
    â€œHere, you need to try this Velcro Human Bar Fly game,” I tell him, leading him to the section of the bar set up for this very amusement, and helping him into the Velcro suit.
    â€œWhat’s this pokey stuff?” Adam asks.
    â€œVelcro,” I tell him.
    â€œVelcro? Who named that? I didn’t name this stuff. I hadn’t even gotten to it yet.”
    â€œHey, things get named, we all just can’t wait for you to get around to it, can we?” I tell him as I shoot him from the launcher. Adam flies through the air and smashes into the Velcro wall target, groin right smack in the red spot of the bull’s-eye.
    â€œOw,” he whines, “this is fucked. This is definitely fucked.” And the midget that always trails Adam with a notepad and a laptop computer duly notes ‘Fucked.’
    â€œNext week, they’re getting the inflatable sumo wrestling game! It’s a flesh-colored suit you put on and they fill it up with air so that you’re big and puffy like a sumo wrestler and then you smash into each other until someone vomits,” the lush at the end of the bar who looks not unlike Faye Dunaway in Barfly tells us.
    â€œAh, sumo. That was one of my easiest ones to name. The Japanese ones were so easy!” Adam sighs, “Why can’t they all be like that. I am just not naming any more things in French. Or Korean.”
    â€œSo, Adam, I want to ask you for a favor,” I say. “Can you put something on the fast track?”
    â€œOh shit, it’s not some new beast or cheese, is it?”
    â€œNo, no, nothing of that sort. Well, you see, there’s this guy…”
    â€œAh! Lover. Boyfriend. Significant other. Friend. Date. Husband, diminutive: hubby. Old-man. Other half. Master. Mister. Beau. Best mate. Best man. Fiancé. Soul mate,” Adam rattles off.
    â€œNothing like that, nothing so formed. It’s something that’s just in the initial bits,” I say.
    â€œWe have names for that kind of stuff!” Adam beams. “Swain. Inamorata. Adorer. Amorist. Infatuate. Paramour. Suitor, Wooer. Pursuer. Flame. Casanova. Romeo. Don Juan.” The midget taps Adam on the knee, Adam leans down, and the midget whispers in his ear and shows him the computer screen. “Oh yes, Idol. Jewel. Pet. Cherished. Crush. Any of those work so far?”
    â€œWell, no, it’s….”
    â€œAha! No problemo!” Adam exclaims, “I have just the thing! Sweetheart. Honey. Snuggle bunny. Pookie,