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BLIND ECSTASY
    Desiree
Holt
    Copyright © 2012
     
    Chapter One
     
     
    “No,
I don’t have any special plans for my birthday,” Johanna Devlin told her sister
Kira. “And I don’t intend to make any. I’d just as soon let it pass unnoticed,
if it’s all the same to you.”
    The
two of them were in her living room where Kira had tracked her down on a rainy
Saturday. Jo lay back against the pillows on the couch, tired of having this
argument every year with her sister.
    The
last time she’d celebrated her birthday was ten years ago when Sean Murphy had
proposed to her. He’d told her that it was time they cemented their D/s
relationship and he’d had something made especially for her to celebrate. She
was sure it was a collar, a symbol of ownership in the D/s community. That had
given her an immense feeling of pride and sense of belonging, that he would
shout to the world that she was his.
    He
disappeared the next day and she hadn’t heard from him since. No letter. No
call. Not even a text or an email. So her birthday wasn’t something she enjoyed
celebrating or even acknowledging. It had become a day in the year to get past,
to shut down memories of pain and hurt
    In
the intervening years she’d managed to dull most of the ache in her heart but
traces of the feeling still lingered. At any moment it could come roaring back
and consume her. She was tired of reliving what happened but traces of the
memory clung to her like glue, never quite allowing her to get past it.
    “You
can’t keep hiding from life forever, Jo,” Kira told her, pacing the floor. “The
guy’s been gone for four years. I mean, come on, now.”
    Jo
threw up her hands.
    “I
know it’s irrational and I don’t know how to explain it. All the books talk
about soul mates. The one person with whom you know in an instant you want to
spend the rest of your life. Well, that’s how it was with us. And I can’t get
past it, even after all this time.
    Kira
snorted. “Tell me something I don’t know. When was the last time you even had a
date?”
      Jo tossed a pillow at her while she was in
midstride, watched her friend catch it, and throw it onto the couch with a
frown.
    “I’m
not interested in a date. No. Nada. Can I say it
enough?”
    “You’re
going to turn into a shriveled old maid.” Kira stopped her pacing long enough
to pause in front of Jo and her face softened. “Sweetie, I know Sean did a
number on you but at some point you’re going to have to get past it. Get on
with things. Live a little.”
    “I
do live. A little.”
    “Yeah,”
Kira snorted. “A very little.”
    She
dropped into the big armchair that sat at an angle to the couch.
    “Why
don’t you come to Fantasy with me for your birthday?”
    Jo’s
entire body tightened. Fantasy was the bondage club where she and Sean had met.
Once their relationship developed they only went back on special occasions. She
hadn’t been near the place since he’d disappeared. She certainly couldn’t go
there for her birthday. It was the last place she and Sean had been together.
Too many memories would leap at her from the walls.
    She
shook her head. “I can’t do it. Without him it’s…different.”
    Kira
studied her. “Jo, you’re a born submissive. We both are. That’s why we applied
for membership at Fantasy to begin with. You’ve completely shut down that part
of yourself for the past four years. That’s neither healthy
or normal.”
    Kira
smiled. “Give yourself a break, okay?”
    “Don’t
push me. Please?”
    Jo
wrapped her arms around herself, wishing they were Sean’s arms. He always made
her feel so safe and secure, so wrapped in the warmth of his love. He never
failed to stir either her emotions or her body. They’d been so very good
together. Would she ever be able to get him out of her mind?
     
    “Okay.
I won’t push. But will you at least think about it? You can’t hide in the house
from your life forever.”
    Was
that what she was doing? Probably.