babies on her back. I was not sure if those wolf spiders built such large webs, but out there in the woods, a hairy baby-carrying momma wolf spider was always what I imagined. And now she’d be in my bed. If not in my bed, then in my dreams. And when I was dreaming of a spider, I may as well have been sleeping with her too. There is a little eight year old girl who still lives somewhere inside me, and she hoards this memory of a giant black widow coming to get her while she sleeps. It’s a memory I have from childhood. When I was about eight years old, my father caught a massive black widow spider and put her in a jar in the kitchen window. That night I had a dream. I knew it was just a dream, but I thought I was lucky because she was so large she couldn’t fit down the hall to get to my room. Otherwise, the little eight year old girl I used to be may have become spider food instead of the mom and wife she became. Inside me there is a small child who is dwarfed by the red hourglass spot on the spider’s belly. Inside me is also a little girl who can’t seem to remember she is bigger than the spiders. I fear any and all spiders, especially if I have walked into one’s web.
“Look up at those stars, Nikki. You can’t get sky views like this in Boulder. Do ya’ll even have stars out there?” Dad was laughing at me. He grew up in Colorado and knew just how vast the skies are. Sure, we have city light pollution, but with very few trees, we can see for miles and miles.
“Yes, Daddy, we have stars. And we can see them each night. Emily even has a little telescope of her own. What we don’t have are huge spider webs sitting in the middle of a huge pocket of air, seemingly connected to nothing. Is it black widow season? Do I need to worry about those yet?” I was sure Daddy could hear my concern.
“They’re out there, honey, but no, you don’t have to worry about them. They don’t build webs up high. Only Charlotte builds them that high up. Check the girls’ hair for ticks each night. You’ll be fine. Go to bed. I’m sure Chris is up waiting for you to get home.” Dad took one last puff of his cigarette, and I could see the red glow flickering and falling to the deck as he pressed and rolled the remainder between his fingers until it was out.
“’Night, Daddy. I’m going to check on the girls and get some sleep.” I walked away, aware of every patch of air around me. I knew Charlotte was waiting, and she was probably pissed because I had ruined her web.
I found Chris on the couch with his laptop in his lap reading some research papers. He told me the girls missed me but were worn out; they were both asleep before he finished reading their second book. Then he tossed me a sheet of smiley face stickers and told me he’d see me in the room in a few minutes. I crept into the room my daughters were sharing; Bella in a crib and Emily lying sideways in a twin bed with her feet hanging off the front side. I took a purple and a pink sticker from the sticker sheet Chris gave me, placed one sticker on each of Emily’s hands, and then straightened her out, tucked her in, and kissed her soft cheek. Bella didn’t need a sticker to know I checked on her after she was asleep, but I found her blanket in her crib, and I tucked her in the best I could. I still had to brush my teeth and get dressed for bed, so Chris beat me to our room. But when I finally made it, he was eager to hear all about Liza and her love crusade. Well, eager is not the really the word. He just wanted to laugh at her and her troubles. I guess he could tell she wasn’t quite sober earlier in the evening after all. Being a typical man, he didn’t want the details, just the funny highlights.
“Has the prince returned to Love Lorn Liza?” He asked in a fake British voice with a chuckle.
“No, she’s smitten with the joker and doesn’t seem to get his funny costume gives him not royalty, nor loyalty. She thinks now he wants to be a pirate. And a
“Look up at those stars, Nikki. You can’t get sky views like this in Boulder. Do ya’ll even have stars out there?” Dad was laughing at me. He grew up in Colorado and knew just how vast the skies are. Sure, we have city light pollution, but with very few trees, we can see for miles and miles.
“Yes, Daddy, we have stars. And we can see them each night. Emily even has a little telescope of her own. What we don’t have are huge spider webs sitting in the middle of a huge pocket of air, seemingly connected to nothing. Is it black widow season? Do I need to worry about those yet?” I was sure Daddy could hear my concern.
“They’re out there, honey, but no, you don’t have to worry about them. They don’t build webs up high. Only Charlotte builds them that high up. Check the girls’ hair for ticks each night. You’ll be fine. Go to bed. I’m sure Chris is up waiting for you to get home.” Dad took one last puff of his cigarette, and I could see the red glow flickering and falling to the deck as he pressed and rolled the remainder between his fingers until it was out.
“’Night, Daddy. I’m going to check on the girls and get some sleep.” I walked away, aware of every patch of air around me. I knew Charlotte was waiting, and she was probably pissed because I had ruined her web.
I found Chris on the couch with his laptop in his lap reading some research papers. He told me the girls missed me but were worn out; they were both asleep before he finished reading their second book. Then he tossed me a sheet of smiley face stickers and told me he’d see me in the room in a few minutes. I crept into the room my daughters were sharing; Bella in a crib and Emily lying sideways in a twin bed with her feet hanging off the front side. I took a purple and a pink sticker from the sticker sheet Chris gave me, placed one sticker on each of Emily’s hands, and then straightened her out, tucked her in, and kissed her soft cheek. Bella didn’t need a sticker to know I checked on her after she was asleep, but I found her blanket in her crib, and I tucked her in the best I could. I still had to brush my teeth and get dressed for bed, so Chris beat me to our room. But when I finally made it, he was eager to hear all about Liza and her love crusade. Well, eager is not the really the word. He just wanted to laugh at her and her troubles. I guess he could tell she wasn’t quite sober earlier in the evening after all. Being a typical man, he didn’t want the details, just the funny highlights.
“Has the prince returned to Love Lorn Liza?” He asked in a fake British voice with a chuckle.
“No, she’s smitten with the joker and doesn’t seem to get his funny costume gives him not royalty, nor loyalty. She thinks now he wants to be a pirate. And a
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