Read Online 166 Days: My Journey Through The Darkness by Jennifer Clark - Free Book Online
Authors: Jennifer Clark
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might surprise some of you, but I am not the type of person to try to keep people in the service any longer than they want to be in; I’m just grateful they served their country at all.” The tone of the room shifted. He had everyone’s full and undivided attention. He continued, “I completely understand why young officers are getting out. Let’s face it; we’re in the military in a time of war, a war that is not ending any time soon. This is a truth that is extremely difficult to deal with. Since 9/11 I have deployed a total of four times, each tour lasting fifteen months. I can’t even begin to count the number of birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and special occasions I have missed because of this job.”
I couldn’t even imagine having to sacrifice that much of myself.
He continued, “As if those sacrifices weren’t enough, let’s talk about what realities we all face while we’re here. In my previous command I lost twenty-nine soldiers and in my current command I have already lost eleven. People’s lives are gone forever . This job has no material rewards, and the compensation we do receive is far less than the sacrifice we are asked to make every day.” His words pierced the silence in the room. As painful as it was to hear, we all knew he was right.
“The only thing we can really take from our service is knowing we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves. In just 2001, they were taking women in this country to the sports arena and blowing their heads off because they showed their ankles, or slitting men’s throats because they allowed their daughters to go to school. In that short time ago, less than 10% of Afghan people had access to healthcare, and now, seven years later, over 80% do. Little girls were once completely banned from school, now we are building schools especially for these same girls. Women are slowly gaining back the respect they once had before the Taliban,” he said.
As I listened to him talk about the women and little girls, my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t imagine having to live in such fear and oppression.
“But we all know that this positive impact doesn’t come without a cost,” he went on. “Our soldiers are dying. Let me tell you the story of two young Lieutenants I once commanded. They were very motivated individuals who often came to me for advice on their careers, and eventually I convinced them that becoming Special Forces was a great opportunity. Now both of those men are dead. They were killed in action. And don’t any of you think that a day goes by I don’t think about how I was responsible for their deaths.”
“Sir, can you tell us how you balance your life?” another person from the audience asked. “Specifically your work and sense of duty with your family, and what advice could you give to us on how we can do so as well?”
The General looked at him and laughed. “Balance?” he asked. “What balance? You ask my wife and children about the balance and you will see who has gotten the short end of the deal for twenty-five years. In my job, as in so many of ours, there is no balance,” he said. “There is just an understanding the military comes first. This is a huge thing to ask of people and it is an even bigger sacrifice for the family members to make year after year.”
I found so much of my own thoughts to be completely in sync with his. I’d always promised myself as long as I got out of the military what I had put in to it, then I would stay, and when that changed it would be time for me to explore other options. Looking back on my career I could see that promise held true and I had been fortunate to get what I had out of my military experience. Hell! I’d just finished my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees and got paid to do it! I had known deep down I needed to deploy and serve my country to repay everything I had gotten from the Air Force; and this deployment was giving me the opportunity to reach out and make a
I couldn’t even imagine having to sacrifice that much of myself.
He continued, “As if those sacrifices weren’t enough, let’s talk about what realities we all face while we’re here. In my previous command I lost twenty-nine soldiers and in my current command I have already lost eleven. People’s lives are gone forever . This job has no material rewards, and the compensation we do receive is far less than the sacrifice we are asked to make every day.” His words pierced the silence in the room. As painful as it was to hear, we all knew he was right.
“The only thing we can really take from our service is knowing we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves. In just 2001, they were taking women in this country to the sports arena and blowing their heads off because they showed their ankles, or slitting men’s throats because they allowed their daughters to go to school. In that short time ago, less than 10% of Afghan people had access to healthcare, and now, seven years later, over 80% do. Little girls were once completely banned from school, now we are building schools especially for these same girls. Women are slowly gaining back the respect they once had before the Taliban,” he said.
As I listened to him talk about the women and little girls, my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t imagine having to live in such fear and oppression.
“But we all know that this positive impact doesn’t come without a cost,” he went on. “Our soldiers are dying. Let me tell you the story of two young Lieutenants I once commanded. They were very motivated individuals who often came to me for advice on their careers, and eventually I convinced them that becoming Special Forces was a great opportunity. Now both of those men are dead. They were killed in action. And don’t any of you think that a day goes by I don’t think about how I was responsible for their deaths.”
“Sir, can you tell us how you balance your life?” another person from the audience asked. “Specifically your work and sense of duty with your family, and what advice could you give to us on how we can do so as well?”
The General looked at him and laughed. “Balance?” he asked. “What balance? You ask my wife and children about the balance and you will see who has gotten the short end of the deal for twenty-five years. In my job, as in so many of ours, there is no balance,” he said. “There is just an understanding the military comes first. This is a huge thing to ask of people and it is an even bigger sacrifice for the family members to make year after year.”
I found so much of my own thoughts to be completely in sync with his. I’d always promised myself as long as I got out of the military what I had put in to it, then I would stay, and when that changed it would be time for me to explore other options. Looking back on my career I could see that promise held true and I had been fortunate to get what I had out of my military experience. Hell! I’d just finished my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees and got paid to do it! I had known deep down I needed to deploy and serve my country to repay everything I had gotten from the Air Force; and this deployment was giving me the opportunity to reach out and make a
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