Read Online Don't Kiss Girls and Other Silly Stories by Pat Flynn - Free Book Online

Holden. I’m more of a Ford man m’self.
    â€˜Rossy.’
    â€˜Kane.’
    â€˜Give me a hand, will ya?’
    Normally, I’d give him the fake hand I carry around in my pocket, but this time I’d better help out. I need to get in his good books.
    â€˜I’ll spray, you scrub,’ he says.
    â€˜Why can’t I spray and you scrub?’
    â€˜This hose has a sensitive nozzle. Only I can control it.’
    Kane reckons he’s even good at hosing.
    I start scrubbing the back window. ‘You know how you went out with Ashleigh for a bit?’ I say, trying to sound all casual.
    â€˜Which one: Taylor, Smith or Simpkin? I’ve dated three Ashleighs this year. Not as bad as Lauren, though. I’ve been out with four of those …’
    â€˜Simpkin,’ I say, getting the conversation back on track. ‘What sort of stuff does she like to talk about?’
    â€˜We didn’t talk much.’
    â€˜Why not?’
    He twists the nozzle and the water stops.
    â€˜You want some advice on girls?’
    I stop scrubbing. ‘Yeah.’
    â€˜First, promise you’ll help me clean both cars.’
    â€˜ Both cars?’ I look in the garage and spot their four-wheel drive. It’s covered in mud. I sigh. ‘All right.’
    â€˜Now listen carefully. It took me ages to learn this.’
    I lean forward.
    â€˜Every word you say to a girl is a weapon of your own destruction,’ he says.
    â€˜What do ya mean?’
    â€˜Well, let’s say you and her are talking. Just shooting the breeze like we are, right?’
    â€˜Yeah.’
    â€˜Well, she’ll actually listen to you. Then she’ll go home at night and think about what you said. And then she’ll call her friends and tell them about it, and pretty soon your words will mean something completely diffe rent from what you thought.’
    â€˜I still don’t get it.’
    He points the hose at me for emphasis. ‘Let’s say you tell her, “Those jeans are nice.” Well, she’ll end up thinking what you really mean is that you hate all her skirts, because they make her legs look fat.’
    â€˜But Ashleigh’s legs are hot,’ I say.
    â€˜It doesn’t matter what you mean . It’s what you say .’
    â€˜So what are you supposed to do, then?’
    â€˜You say nothing.’
    â€˜Nothing?’
    â€˜Nuthin. Let her do the talking. Or else one day you’ll say something wrong, without even knowing it, and the pressure will build up inside her until …’
    Suddenly, water bursts out of the hose, soaking my best T-shirt.
    â€˜Kane!’
    He laughs.
    *
    After fifteen minutes of SOSE I start hassling Miss Mason.
    â€˜Can I go to the toilet, Miss?’
    â€˜No.’
    â€˜But Miss, I’m busting!’
    â€˜You should’ve gone before school.’
    â€˜I was in a hurry to get to class. SOSE is my favourite subject.’
    I show her a page full of notes. Actually, they’re not mine. I borrowed Kevin ‘Brains’ McMahon’s notes when he wasn’t looking.
    â€˜All right, Tony. But hurry.’
    â€˜Thanks, Miss.’
    Finding Ashleigh’s bag isn’t easy. The port racks are right outside the windows and I have to stay low so Miss Mason won’t see me. Finally I spot her name on a pink heart-shaped name tag. I open the zipper and drop the letter in.
    As I walk back inside, my heart starts beating like a drummer in a hardcore band. What i f the letter isn’t as good as I think it is? What if she shows it to her friends an d they all laugh at me? And i f Ashleigh and I do happen to go out, how long will I be able t o say nothing?
    It’s a long wait until lunch and I have second, third and fourth thoughts. The bell goes and I think about bailing, about going to play handball, but I can’t. This is my date with destiny. Except her name isn’t Destiny, it’s Ashleigh.
    I line