Read Online Your Ex-Boyfriend Will Hate This by Blue Sullivan - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Blue Sullivan
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that they unduly skew the overall results.
There are two types of men that can logically be considered “outliers” from the normal male population. They’re the evil A’s—the Addict and the Abuser. Their behavior is so far outside of a “normal” male that they could almost be considered a subspecies of man, a malformed version. These two types are wildly divergent in many areas, but they create the same results. To date either type is to be caught in an ever-descending spiral of suffering with no clear end and little hope for recovery.
In both cases, you’ll give and give until you question yourself.
“Why can’t all my love fix what is broken?”
You’ll feel pangs of abject guilt for reasons you can’t explain.
“What did I do to make him this way?”
Your feelings of powerlessness will upend the way you view the world and your place in it. You may even lose yourself completely. No matter what, there will come a time when your friends and family will be dumbfounded about your motivations.
He is so terrible to her. She’s such a bright girl, yet no matter what he does to her, she always stays with him.
In a way, being with these types of men makes you an alien to those who knew you before the relationship. These “outsiders” (many of whom were insiders before this man came along) will privately wonder how the girl who is so level-headed in every other phase of her life could repeatedly make such self-evidently awful decisions when it comes to this man.
There are many examples in this book, especially as we get further along, where the blame for bad relationships is at least partially our own dumb fault. As we discussed, real love is quintessentially rational. Yet among my own friends, I know several who suffered for years at the hands of addicts and abusers.
Without exception, these friends are among the smartest, most successful people I’ve ever known. They’re all, in many ways, models for my own life. At my best, I strive to match their tough-mindedness, their ambition, their positivity, and their fierce self-belief. But they all have a black hole in their past, an endless darkness into which even their brightest lights eventually disappeared.
My friend Beth tells a personal story that describes an archetypal Addict relationship. She was a college student at a large western school and an honor roll achiever who had never tried drugs despite the many opportunities afforded her during her admittedly “wild” school days. She had a series of steady boyfriends that ultimately didn’t last, but most parted amicably enough that they remained friends. Her senior year focus was to find a job at a large marketing firm after college.
She met Tom in her senior year. He was a tall, imposing, square-jawed Bad Boy. He was totally her type, a type eminently familiar in her past—or so she thought.
It was only after many months and declarations of love that she began to question Tom’s increasingly frequent nights out “with the boys.” On many occasions, he didn’t come home until the next day, assuring Beth he’d just needed to sleep off a drunk on a friend couch. When “sleeping it off” began to entail entire weekends with no contact from Tom, Beth went to her friends for advice. Most of them were convinced that Tom must be cheating, but a select few saw the more troubling problem for what it was—a steady descent into terrifying addiction.
Beth stayed with her boyfriend for six more years. In that time, she slowly grew apart from her friends until she was with Tom alone. None of her friends could’ve helped her anyway, as the situation progressed so far beyond her control that she became a shell-shocked onlooker to her own life. Tom was in and out of jail for brief stints on a litany of charges that never stuck—DUI, possession (several times), assault, and petty theft. On three separate occasions, Beth saved Tom’s life after he’d consumed a lethal cocktail of heroin and cocaine
There are two types of men that can logically be considered “outliers” from the normal male population. They’re the evil A’s—the Addict and the Abuser. Their behavior is so far outside of a “normal” male that they could almost be considered a subspecies of man, a malformed version. These two types are wildly divergent in many areas, but they create the same results. To date either type is to be caught in an ever-descending spiral of suffering with no clear end and little hope for recovery.
In both cases, you’ll give and give until you question yourself.
“Why can’t all my love fix what is broken?”
You’ll feel pangs of abject guilt for reasons you can’t explain.
“What did I do to make him this way?”
Your feelings of powerlessness will upend the way you view the world and your place in it. You may even lose yourself completely. No matter what, there will come a time when your friends and family will be dumbfounded about your motivations.
He is so terrible to her. She’s such a bright girl, yet no matter what he does to her, she always stays with him.
In a way, being with these types of men makes you an alien to those who knew you before the relationship. These “outsiders” (many of whom were insiders before this man came along) will privately wonder how the girl who is so level-headed in every other phase of her life could repeatedly make such self-evidently awful decisions when it comes to this man.
There are many examples in this book, especially as we get further along, where the blame for bad relationships is at least partially our own dumb fault. As we discussed, real love is quintessentially rational. Yet among my own friends, I know several who suffered for years at the hands of addicts and abusers.
Without exception, these friends are among the smartest, most successful people I’ve ever known. They’re all, in many ways, models for my own life. At my best, I strive to match their tough-mindedness, their ambition, their positivity, and their fierce self-belief. But they all have a black hole in their past, an endless darkness into which even their brightest lights eventually disappeared.
My friend Beth tells a personal story that describes an archetypal Addict relationship. She was a college student at a large western school and an honor roll achiever who had never tried drugs despite the many opportunities afforded her during her admittedly “wild” school days. She had a series of steady boyfriends that ultimately didn’t last, but most parted amicably enough that they remained friends. Her senior year focus was to find a job at a large marketing firm after college.
She met Tom in her senior year. He was a tall, imposing, square-jawed Bad Boy. He was totally her type, a type eminently familiar in her past—or so she thought.
It was only after many months and declarations of love that she began to question Tom’s increasingly frequent nights out “with the boys.” On many occasions, he didn’t come home until the next day, assuring Beth he’d just needed to sleep off a drunk on a friend couch. When “sleeping it off” began to entail entire weekends with no contact from Tom, Beth went to her friends for advice. Most of them were convinced that Tom must be cheating, but a select few saw the more troubling problem for what it was—a steady descent into terrifying addiction.
Beth stayed with her boyfriend for six more years. In that time, she slowly grew apart from her friends until she was with Tom alone. None of her friends could’ve helped her anyway, as the situation progressed so far beyond her control that she became a shell-shocked onlooker to her own life. Tom was in and out of jail for brief stints on a litany of charges that never stuck—DUI, possession (several times), assault, and petty theft. On three separate occasions, Beth saved Tom’s life after he’d consumed a lethal cocktail of heroin and cocaine
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