Read Online Young Tales of the Old Cosmos by Rhys Hughes - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Rhys Hughes
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your new crater with pride for several seasons, just like a dimple. So you can’t accuse that particular asteroid of running away at the last moment!”
“Yes, he made the dinosaurs extinct,” conceded Earth, “but you don’t seem to understand what my parasites are really like. There are many different kinds and they keep changing, evolving…”
“Sure but I still don’t blame the other asteroids for not wanting to commit suicide,” interrupted Neptune .
“I’d do it if I could!” moaned Pluto.
“Less of that gloomy talk,” counselled Jupiter.
But Pluto wasn’t going to be dissuaded from changing the subject back to his tragedy and the despair it had engendered. “Now I’m a Kuiper Belter I ought to be eligible to join the kamikaze squad. I’ll zoom towards you just as fast as I can, dear Earth, and we can bid farewell to our respective problems!”
“Don’t speak nonsense,” snapped Neptune . “You’re a dwarf planet and banned from taking part in meteoric or cometary activities. Besides, if you did collide with Earth you would probably shatter a large portion of her, as well as vaporise yourself, and what she wants is to be free of disease, not crippled.”
“Dwarf!” wailed Pluto. “I’m a dwarf ! This day, whatever it is, will live in infamy until the universe expands itself to nothingness!”
“ August 24 th , 2006 ,” said Earth quietly.
“What was that?” cried Uranus.
“I was merely stating the name of today, the day that Pluto was demoted.”
“But in what language were you speaking?”
Earth blinked nonchalantly. “The language of my fleas.”
“What did you call them?”
“Fleas. They call themselves ‘humans’ but I call them fleas. My parasites. I’ve lived with them long enough to realise they aren’t like the dinosaurs. In fact, by wiping out the dinosaurs but leaving some life unscathed, that one courageous asteroid seems to have made matters worse. I’ll tell you why.”
“Do so, if you must,” grumbled Neptune .
“They are intelligent! My fleas, I mean. Not intelligent in the way planets are, of course, with a deep philosophic understanding of the cosmos, but intelligent in a very selfish and dangerous way. Mars quoted a saying at me, “It’s the thought that counts.’ I’m in a position to reveal that my fleas have formulated an identical maxim.”
“So what? Coincidences happen. That example doesn’t indicate an awareness of reality or the stirrings of any true wisdom, let alone an egotistical consciousness. After all, even your dinosaurs had proverbs. I recall you quoting some of them at us. How we laughed! ‘Pride comes before a rahrahgnarrah!’ was one, and ‘A stitch in grrrungrhungh saves time’ was another. But they weren’t very clever.”
Earth regarded Neptune sadly. “You misunderstand again. It’s not that my fleas have invented proverbs independently, but that they utter them without believing them!”
“That is sneaky,” whistled Jupiter, “and much more serious.”
“What has any of this got to do with me?” bellowed Pluto. “I suppose that because I’m now a dwarf you feel I ought to be ignored?”
“By no means,” said Earth, “and in fact my fleas also have a saying about dwarves. How does it go? ‘Dwarves standing on the shoulders of giants can see further.’ Something along those lines, anyhow.”
“What are they talking about now?” asked Saturn.
“No idea. I can’t hear a thing. I’ll ask Venus,” answered Mercury.
But Venus wasn’t entirely sure. “I think Pluto wants to stand on Jupiter’s shoulders, so he can see further. I find that hard to believe.”
“Jupiter doesn’t have shoulders,” sniffed Saturn, aggrieved because he did, though the others always referred to them as rings.
“Don’t be aggrieved with me, I’m just the messenger,” said Venus.
Meanwhile Neptune was yawning ostentatiously. “I’m bored with hearing about your fleas.” Then he stopped and squinted.
“Yes, he made the dinosaurs extinct,” conceded Earth, “but you don’t seem to understand what my parasites are really like. There are many different kinds and they keep changing, evolving…”
“Sure but I still don’t blame the other asteroids for not wanting to commit suicide,” interrupted Neptune .
“I’d do it if I could!” moaned Pluto.
“Less of that gloomy talk,” counselled Jupiter.
But Pluto wasn’t going to be dissuaded from changing the subject back to his tragedy and the despair it had engendered. “Now I’m a Kuiper Belter I ought to be eligible to join the kamikaze squad. I’ll zoom towards you just as fast as I can, dear Earth, and we can bid farewell to our respective problems!”
“Don’t speak nonsense,” snapped Neptune . “You’re a dwarf planet and banned from taking part in meteoric or cometary activities. Besides, if you did collide with Earth you would probably shatter a large portion of her, as well as vaporise yourself, and what she wants is to be free of disease, not crippled.”
“Dwarf!” wailed Pluto. “I’m a dwarf ! This day, whatever it is, will live in infamy until the universe expands itself to nothingness!”
“ August 24 th , 2006 ,” said Earth quietly.
“What was that?” cried Uranus.
“I was merely stating the name of today, the day that Pluto was demoted.”
“But in what language were you speaking?”
Earth blinked nonchalantly. “The language of my fleas.”
“What did you call them?”
“Fleas. They call themselves ‘humans’ but I call them fleas. My parasites. I’ve lived with them long enough to realise they aren’t like the dinosaurs. In fact, by wiping out the dinosaurs but leaving some life unscathed, that one courageous asteroid seems to have made matters worse. I’ll tell you why.”
“Do so, if you must,” grumbled Neptune .
“They are intelligent! My fleas, I mean. Not intelligent in the way planets are, of course, with a deep philosophic understanding of the cosmos, but intelligent in a very selfish and dangerous way. Mars quoted a saying at me, “It’s the thought that counts.’ I’m in a position to reveal that my fleas have formulated an identical maxim.”
“So what? Coincidences happen. That example doesn’t indicate an awareness of reality or the stirrings of any true wisdom, let alone an egotistical consciousness. After all, even your dinosaurs had proverbs. I recall you quoting some of them at us. How we laughed! ‘Pride comes before a rahrahgnarrah!’ was one, and ‘A stitch in grrrungrhungh saves time’ was another. But they weren’t very clever.”
Earth regarded Neptune sadly. “You misunderstand again. It’s not that my fleas have invented proverbs independently, but that they utter them without believing them!”
“That is sneaky,” whistled Jupiter, “and much more serious.”
“What has any of this got to do with me?” bellowed Pluto. “I suppose that because I’m now a dwarf you feel I ought to be ignored?”
“By no means,” said Earth, “and in fact my fleas also have a saying about dwarves. How does it go? ‘Dwarves standing on the shoulders of giants can see further.’ Something along those lines, anyhow.”
“What are they talking about now?” asked Saturn.
“No idea. I can’t hear a thing. I’ll ask Venus,” answered Mercury.
But Venus wasn’t entirely sure. “I think Pluto wants to stand on Jupiter’s shoulders, so he can see further. I find that hard to believe.”
“Jupiter doesn’t have shoulders,” sniffed Saturn, aggrieved because he did, though the others always referred to them as rings.
“Don’t be aggrieved with me, I’m just the messenger,” said Venus.
Meanwhile Neptune was yawning ostentatiously. “I’m bored with hearing about your fleas.” Then he stopped and squinted.
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