Read Online You Suck: A Love Story by Christopher Moore - Free Book Online

addicts.”
    Jared White Wolf and Abby Normal backpedaled from the eyeliner display where they’d been looking for something hypoallergenic. Abby’s eyes had been watering all night, causing her makeup to run and giving her more of a sad-clown-of-life look than she was going for.
    Jared hid behind Abby, just a little, which was awk-ward, since he was nearly a foot taller than she. The guy in flannel was joined by a beautiful, pale redhead, carrying an armload of toiletries. What amazing hair, Abby thought, looking at the long red tresses. I’d give anything for hair like that.
    “Tommy, leave these poor people alone,” said the redhead.
    “No, wait.” Flannel turned to Abby and smiled. “Do you guys know where they keep the syringes?”
    Abby looked at Jared, who looked at the guy in flannel. “Well, you can’t just buy them,” Jared said. He was fiddling with the leather straps on his bondage pants, looking coy. Abby slapped his hand.
    “You need a prescription to buy syringes,” Abby said.
    “Do you really think I look like a heroin addict?” Jared threw his bangs out of his face dramatically. His head was shaved except for his bangs, which reached to his chin, specifically so he could throw them out of his face dramatically. “I was, like, thinking that maybe I should bulk up. You know, eat and stuff, but-”
    “Well, thanks,” said Flannel Shirt. The redhead moved off down the aisle. “I was going to try some heroin, but if you can’t buy needles, well, there you go. See you guys. Nice shirt, by the way.”
    Abby looked down at her T-shirt, black, of course, with the image of a poet taken from a nineteenth-century etching. “Like you even know who it is.”
    “‘She walks in beauty, like the night,’” quoted the flannel-shirt guy. He winked at her, then grinned.
    “Byron’s a hero of mine. See ya.”
    He turned and started to walk away. Abby reached out and snagged his sleeve. “Hey, there are needle exchange programs all over town. They’re listed in the Bay Guardian.”
    “Thanks,” said flannel. He turned and Abby grabbed him again.
    “We’re going to be at the Glas Kat. There’s a Goth club to night. Five-hundred block of Fourth Street. I know a dealer there. You know, for your heroin.”
    The flannel-shirt guy nodded, and looked at Byron’s picture on her shirt again, then at her face.
    Fucksocks. He’s so looking at my streaking eye makeup.
    “Thanks, milady,” said Flannel Shirt. And he was gone, off over the dark moors of the tampon aisle.
    “What was that about?” whined Jared. “He’s so, so Happy Days.” Jared White Wolf spent a lot of time watching Nick at Nite when he wasn’t brooding or fussing with his appearance.
    Abby walked into the flap of Jared’s black duster and pounded his slight chest with her palms. “Didn’t you see. Didn’t you see?”
    “What, you acting like a complete ho?”
    “He had fangs,” Abby said.
    “Well, so do I,” Jared said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pair of perfect, dentistry-quality vampire fangs. “Duh, everybody does.”
    “Yeah, but his grew! I saw them. Let’s go,” Abby said, pulling Jared White Wolf by his great bat-wing lapels. “I have to change into something hot before we go to the club.”
    “Wait, I want to get some Halls. My throat is raw from all the cloves we smoked last night.”
    “Hurry.” The buckles of Abby’s black platform boots jangled as she dragged her friend past the lipsticks and hair products before he could get interested.
    “Okay,” said Jared, “but if I don’t meet a cute guy tonight, you have to stay up all night and hold me while I cry.”
    Y ou should try black lipstick sometime,” Tommy said to Jody as they approached their building, their arms loaded with packages. He was still thinking about the kids at the drugstore. It was the first time since tenth grade that he’d used his knowledge of Romantic poetry. For a while he’d tried molding himself into the