best boy.’ I now know what Mum meant when she used to say to me, ‘I could eat you up.’ George
is
beautiful with his bushy brown hair the colour of a shiny conker, his father’s brown eyes, the light that falls on his cheekbones and those long dark eyelashes that curl perfectly like the shape of a half-moon.
‘I could eat you up.’
‘With tomato ketchup?’
‘Lots.’
‘And chips,’ Finn adds. He presses a pretend button on George’s head. ‘There, brain is switched off.’
‘Thank you.’
We shut the door quietly and walk into our bedroom. ‘Can’t we tell him?’
‘No. We’re going to wait three months, in case something goes wrong, like last time.’ I test the temperature of the bathwater.
‘I want to see his face when we tell him,’ Finn continues. ‘I think this could be the making of George. It’ll be a great distraction, not all of his attention will be on us, and more importantly not all the attention will be
on him
. I think a baby will bring us a sense of normality. Life can be too intense with George, you know what I mean?’ Finn’s words are rushed.
‘Yes, I do, sort of, but we’re not saying anything, not yet.’ I sit on the corner of the bath and start to undress. ‘If we do, I’ll have questions for the next eight months and it’ll drive me insane.’
Finn kisses me hard on the lips with a frustrated groan. ‘It’s just so tempting to say something. I want to tell Ed. Can I at least tell him?’
‘But he’ll tell your mum by mistake, he’s like that. He gets so enthusiastic about things.’
Finn starts to unbutton his shirt. ‘I hate keeping things from him.’
‘It won’t be for long. For now it’s between you and me … and Clarky.’ I throw all the clothes onto our double bed.
‘Clarky knows?’
‘Yes.’ I take a towel, wrapping it tightly around my bare body.
‘You told him before me?’ A darkness spreads across Finn’s face, that familiar flicker of distrust in his eyes.
‘The other night, when he was here.’ I open the mirrored cupboard, one hand keeping the towel in place. I start to hum as I get out some cotton wool.
‘You should have told me first.’
‘I wasn’t expecting to see him, he just turned up and I had to tell someone.’ I am cleansing my face with toner, anything not to face my husband while telling that lie.
‘You couldn’t wait until I got home, what, five minutes later?’
I stop what I’m doing, acknowledging defeat. He’s right. ‘I’m sorry Finn, I should have waited.’
‘I’m not going to let anything spoil this news, especially him.’ He sits on the edge of the bath.
‘I’m nervous, Finn, about having another child.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘I can’t do it all on my own.’
‘I’ll be here for you.’ His words sound flimsy.
‘After George …’
‘Can’t we just enjoy the news for a while? Let’s have the baby first. There’s every chance we’ll have a healthy child.’ He laughs coldly. I can tell he’s still thinking about me talking to Clarky first. The resentment is clear in his eyes.
‘What?’
‘It’s just you and him … I don’t get your relationship. How would you feel if I had a girlfriend I told everything to, before you?’
I’d hate it.
‘If you’d known her for years, I’d understand. I’d be
extremely
wary if it was somebody like, er, Alessia,’ I finish, trying to sound casual.
He throws his head back in a gesture that tells me I deserve some competition. ‘Alessia even has great tits, not that I’ve seen them,’ he says when I throw the flannel at him.
‘You and Clarky …’ he continues. ‘He was obsessed with you when we were at Cambridge. Those dramatic violin performances late into the night. He was trying to play me out of your life.’
I tie my hair back in a band.
‘Yet you didn’t even sleep together when you went travelling?’
‘No, we’ve been over this. It’s boring.’
‘A hotel room’s a lonely place,’ Finn probes.
is
beautiful with his bushy brown hair the colour of a shiny conker, his father’s brown eyes, the light that falls on his cheekbones and those long dark eyelashes that curl perfectly like the shape of a half-moon.
‘I could eat you up.’
‘With tomato ketchup?’
‘Lots.’
‘And chips,’ Finn adds. He presses a pretend button on George’s head. ‘There, brain is switched off.’
‘Thank you.’
We shut the door quietly and walk into our bedroom. ‘Can’t we tell him?’
‘No. We’re going to wait three months, in case something goes wrong, like last time.’ I test the temperature of the bathwater.
‘I want to see his face when we tell him,’ Finn continues. ‘I think this could be the making of George. It’ll be a great distraction, not all of his attention will be on us, and more importantly not all the attention will be
on him
. I think a baby will bring us a sense of normality. Life can be too intense with George, you know what I mean?’ Finn’s words are rushed.
‘Yes, I do, sort of, but we’re not saying anything, not yet.’ I sit on the corner of the bath and start to undress. ‘If we do, I’ll have questions for the next eight months and it’ll drive me insane.’
Finn kisses me hard on the lips with a frustrated groan. ‘It’s just so tempting to say something. I want to tell Ed. Can I at least tell him?’
‘But he’ll tell your mum by mistake, he’s like that. He gets so enthusiastic about things.’
Finn starts to unbutton his shirt. ‘I hate keeping things from him.’
‘It won’t be for long. For now it’s between you and me … and Clarky.’ I throw all the clothes onto our double bed.
‘Clarky knows?’
‘Yes.’ I take a towel, wrapping it tightly around my bare body.
‘You told him before me?’ A darkness spreads across Finn’s face, that familiar flicker of distrust in his eyes.
‘The other night, when he was here.’ I open the mirrored cupboard, one hand keeping the towel in place. I start to hum as I get out some cotton wool.
‘You should have told me first.’
‘I wasn’t expecting to see him, he just turned up and I had to tell someone.’ I am cleansing my face with toner, anything not to face my husband while telling that lie.
‘You couldn’t wait until I got home, what, five minutes later?’
I stop what I’m doing, acknowledging defeat. He’s right. ‘I’m sorry Finn, I should have waited.’
‘I’m not going to let anything spoil this news, especially him.’ He sits on the edge of the bath.
‘I’m nervous, Finn, about having another child.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘I can’t do it all on my own.’
‘I’ll be here for you.’ His words sound flimsy.
‘After George …’
‘Can’t we just enjoy the news for a while? Let’s have the baby first. There’s every chance we’ll have a healthy child.’ He laughs coldly. I can tell he’s still thinking about me talking to Clarky first. The resentment is clear in his eyes.
‘What?’
‘It’s just you and him … I don’t get your relationship. How would you feel if I had a girlfriend I told everything to, before you?’
I’d hate it.
‘If you’d known her for years, I’d understand. I’d be
extremely
wary if it was somebody like, er, Alessia,’ I finish, trying to sound casual.
He throws his head back in a gesture that tells me I deserve some competition. ‘Alessia even has great tits, not that I’ve seen them,’ he says when I throw the flannel at him.
‘You and Clarky …’ he continues. ‘He was obsessed with you when we were at Cambridge. Those dramatic violin performances late into the night. He was trying to play me out of your life.’
I tie my hair back in a band.
‘Yet you didn’t even sleep together when you went travelling?’
‘No, we’ve been over this. It’s boring.’
‘A hotel room’s a lonely place,’ Finn probes.
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