and envying the accomplishment with which they led them. And, without realizing it, my mother would make up stories about people: ‘You see that woman over there? I think she’s the owner of the hotel, and that fellow with her must be her nephew.’ And when the woman came in next day by herself she’d say, ‘Oh, I see the owner’s here. She must havequarrelled with her nephew,’ forgetting it was all invention in the first place.
GUEST: Did you have a slice?
GUEST: Yes. Thanks very much.
( Montpelier Room .)
PRESIDENT: … the responsibility for private-sector housing … health and safety, noise and air-pollution control and caravan sites. Quite an impressive list.
( Applause .)
CHAIRMAN: Mr Mayor, Mr President, thank you for those kind words, and, friends, today I feel very proud to stand before you all as Chairman of the General Council of the Institution of Environmental Health Officers. To have that honour this year is the highlight so far of my professional career, and today for me is perhaps the ultimate memory that I shall hold for the remainder of my life, for today, Mr Mayor, there is that ultimate recognition from the two organizations that I hold dear, the Institution and Harrogate Borough Council, both of which have had such an important influence on my personal and professional life.
( Lobby. Children arriving for a party .)
While in the Montpelier Room the apotheosis of a sanitary inspector reaches its tail-end, some chic little five-year-olds head for another function in the Brontë Room.
RECEPTIONIST: How old are you?
CHILD: Five already.
RECEPTIONIST: Five already? …
There must be Brontë Rooms all over Yorkshire – venues for discos and parades of beachwear, demonstrations of firefighting equipment and new lines in toiletries, all brought under the grim umbrella of those three ailing and unconvivial sisters. Today it’s jelly and a conjuror.
( Children shouting as the door of the Brontë Room opens .)
More treats, an outing, the old people slowly trek towards the Grosvenor Room.
( Corridor .)
HELPER: Are you following?
OLD MAN: By the right, quick march.
( Grosvenor Room .)
OLD MAN: We’ve been here though once before, haven’t we, Anne?
OLD LADY: Thank you, love. Can I have the plate?
HELPER: Would you like me to put jam on your scone for you?
Do you want me to put the jam on for you?
OLD LADY: No, it’s all right.
One more tea in a lifetime of teas. They’ll have had teas all over in their time. Tea in Hitchen’s in Leeds and Brown Muff’s in Bradford. Teas in Betty’s and Marshall & Snelgrove. Teas when they were courting; teas after they got married. Tea now.
OLD LADY: It’ll never come back.
OLD MAN: Well, they’re trying their best to do so, you know. That’s what it is.
I like ladies like Mrs Baker and Miss Wood – and don’t think of them as old people. Just as Paris is geared to thirty-five-year-old career women, so is the North to women like these. In London they’d be displaced and fearful; here, accomplished pianists and stylish ballroom dancers, they still help rule the roost.
OLD MAN: Well, we’ll be having another meal at 5.30. I thought we were just having a drink of tea now 0but …
OLD LADY: There’s no need to know …
OLD MAN: I don’t, I’m not used to this sort of thing. What’s that?
HELPER: Just chocolate.
OLD LADY: Just chocolate. I’ll have a wee chocolate … No, thank you, that’s quite enough – that’s a record for me anyway.
I love anything chocolatey. Thank you.
OLD MAN: … have something like that in all the songs, you know. We think they’re old songs, but that’s what I remember about …
OLD LADY: Harrogate. I used to come in my youth to Harrogate, to the Majestic and – what do you call the one that’s closed now – the Grand …
HELPER: The Grand Hotel.
OLD LADY: … and dance there a lot. It was lovely.
OLD MAN: … remind me I did a sword dance in the Albert Hall in a wee kilt when I was twelve
GUEST: Did you have a slice?
GUEST: Yes. Thanks very much.
( Montpelier Room .)
PRESIDENT: … the responsibility for private-sector housing … health and safety, noise and air-pollution control and caravan sites. Quite an impressive list.
( Applause .)
CHAIRMAN: Mr Mayor, Mr President, thank you for those kind words, and, friends, today I feel very proud to stand before you all as Chairman of the General Council of the Institution of Environmental Health Officers. To have that honour this year is the highlight so far of my professional career, and today for me is perhaps the ultimate memory that I shall hold for the remainder of my life, for today, Mr Mayor, there is that ultimate recognition from the two organizations that I hold dear, the Institution and Harrogate Borough Council, both of which have had such an important influence on my personal and professional life.
( Lobby. Children arriving for a party .)
While in the Montpelier Room the apotheosis of a sanitary inspector reaches its tail-end, some chic little five-year-olds head for another function in the Brontë Room.
RECEPTIONIST: How old are you?
CHILD: Five already.
RECEPTIONIST: Five already? …
There must be Brontë Rooms all over Yorkshire – venues for discos and parades of beachwear, demonstrations of firefighting equipment and new lines in toiletries, all brought under the grim umbrella of those three ailing and unconvivial sisters. Today it’s jelly and a conjuror.
( Children shouting as the door of the Brontë Room opens .)
More treats, an outing, the old people slowly trek towards the Grosvenor Room.
( Corridor .)
HELPER: Are you following?
OLD MAN: By the right, quick march.
( Grosvenor Room .)
OLD MAN: We’ve been here though once before, haven’t we, Anne?
OLD LADY: Thank you, love. Can I have the plate?
HELPER: Would you like me to put jam on your scone for you?
Do you want me to put the jam on for you?
OLD LADY: No, it’s all right.
One more tea in a lifetime of teas. They’ll have had teas all over in their time. Tea in Hitchen’s in Leeds and Brown Muff’s in Bradford. Teas in Betty’s and Marshall & Snelgrove. Teas when they were courting; teas after they got married. Tea now.
OLD LADY: It’ll never come back.
OLD MAN: Well, they’re trying their best to do so, you know. That’s what it is.
I like ladies like Mrs Baker and Miss Wood – and don’t think of them as old people. Just as Paris is geared to thirty-five-year-old career women, so is the North to women like these. In London they’d be displaced and fearful; here, accomplished pianists and stylish ballroom dancers, they still help rule the roost.
OLD MAN: Well, we’ll be having another meal at 5.30. I thought we were just having a drink of tea now 0but …
OLD LADY: There’s no need to know …
OLD MAN: I don’t, I’m not used to this sort of thing. What’s that?
HELPER: Just chocolate.
OLD LADY: Just chocolate. I’ll have a wee chocolate … No, thank you, that’s quite enough – that’s a record for me anyway.
I love anything chocolatey. Thank you.
OLD MAN: … have something like that in all the songs, you know. We think they’re old songs, but that’s what I remember about …
OLD LADY: Harrogate. I used to come in my youth to Harrogate, to the Majestic and – what do you call the one that’s closed now – the Grand …
HELPER: The Grand Hotel.
OLD LADY: … and dance there a lot. It was lovely.
OLD MAN: … remind me I did a sword dance in the Albert Hall in a wee kilt when I was twelve
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