Itâll be all right â¦â
âNo! Mummy would kill me if she knew â¦â
He rolled away from her a little though their heads were still close.
âI donât suppose theyâd let us get engaged, would they?â he said.
âUmm?â She had heard what he said, but thought she must have imagined it.
âEngaged â married. Do you think theyâd let us? Oh, I want you, Alys!â
She could not answer. He wanted to marry her. She had ruined everything, spoiled his chances of Daddy backing him and still he wanted to marry her. She felt herself melting, relaxing beneath him and even when the pain came, so sharp that it made her tense and arch her body and dig into his back with her nails, she did not care. She loved Race, loved him, loved him â and he loved her. He must do!
Afterwards she lay with her eyes half closed looking at the clear blue sky above the gently waving tracery of brush. The pain still throbbed between her legs, dulled now to a burning sensation. Race lay beside her but not touching her and a tiny finger of fear pierced her through. She turned her head so that she could see him.
âRace, did you mean what you said about us getting married?â
He did not answer. âRace?â she said again.
He shifted a little impatiently.
âOf course I want you, Alys. And getting engaged seemed the only way, But â¦â
She stiffened. âBut what?â
âItâs not that easy, is it? This is real life, not a fairy story. To begin with I donât suppose your parents would agree to it.â
She rolled towards him, frightened suddenly and wanting the comfort of his nearness.
âI donât care what they say! Oh, they would probably disown me, itâs true. They already said as much, because theyâve got this terrible idea that you are only using me to get at Daddyâs money. But they canât keep us apart if we love each other.â
âChrist, Alys, if they cut you off what the hell do you think we would live on? I canât keep myself, let alone a wife.â
âIâd live anywhere with you, Race, Iâd do anything â¦â
He broke away from her, sitting up abruptly.
âYou donât know what youâre talking about Alys. Youâve always had everything you wanted. You havenât got a clue what itâs like to have nothing.â
âRace!â She sat up too. âDonât you understand? Iâve had money and possessions all my life and none of them has made me half as happy as I am with you. The way we feel is something money canât buy.â
He reached for a blade of springy grass, snapping it between his fingers and staring straight ahead of him.
âRace, you do feel the same way I do, donât you?â she said. A light breeze whispered through the brush and as it touched her wet back she shivered. âYou do love me, donât you?â
âOf course I do!â But his tone was impatient and he made no move to touch her. Suddenly, she was painfully aware that he had never said the magic words she so desperately wanted to hear. She leaned towards him urgently.
âSay it, Race, please!â
âSay what?â
âThat you love me.â
There was an awkward pause. He threw the twisted grass away. âI love you.â But it was stilted, cold. She looked at him, hurt, and he said apologetically, âIâve never said that to anyone before.â
Oh, she wanted to believe him, wanted to believe he loved her and was embarrassed to say so. But she didnât know anything any more. Tears stung her eyes and she turned away, pressing her hands to her mouth. After a moment she felt his arm around her shoulder.
âAlys, Iâm sorry. Itâs just â itâs all such a bloody mess; isnât it?â
âIs it?â she said through her fingers.
âYes, I didnât mean to hurt you, honestly â¦â
She
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