Read Online Women and War by Janet Tanner - Free Book Online Page B

It’ll be all right …’
    â€˜No! Mummy would kill me if she knew …’
    He rolled away from her a little though their heads were still close.
    â€˜I don’t suppose they’d let us get engaged, would they?’ he said.
    â€˜Umm?’ She had heard what he said, but thought she must have imagined it.
    â€˜Engaged – married. Do you think they’d let us? Oh, I want you, Alys!’
    She could not answer. He wanted to marry her. She had ruined everything, spoiled his chances of Daddy backing him and still he wanted to marry her. She felt herself melting, relaxing beneath him and even when the pain came, so sharp that it made her tense and arch her body and dig into his back with her nails, she did not care. She loved Race, loved him, loved him – and he loved her. He must do!
    Afterwards she lay with her eyes half closed looking at the clear blue sky above the gently waving tracery of brush. The pain still throbbed between her legs, dulled now to a burning sensation. Race lay beside her but not touching her and a tiny finger of fear pierced her through. She turned her head so that she could see him.
    â€˜Race, did you mean what you said about us getting married?’
    He did not answer. ‘Race?’ she said again.
    He shifted a little impatiently.
    â€˜Of course I want you, Alys. And getting engaged seemed the only way, But …’
    She stiffened. ‘But what?’
    â€˜It’s not that easy, is it? This is real life, not a fairy story. To begin with I don’t suppose your parents would agree to it.’
    She rolled towards him, frightened suddenly and wanting the comfort of his nearness.
    â€˜I don’t care what they say! Oh, they would probably disown me, it’s true. They already said as much, because they’ve got this terrible idea that you are only using me to get at Daddy’s money. But they can’t keep us apart if we love each other.’
    â€˜Christ, Alys, if they cut you off what the hell do you think we would live on? I can’t keep myself, let alone a wife.’
    â€˜I’d live anywhere with you, Race, I’d do anything …’
    He broke away from her, sitting up abruptly.
    â€˜You don’t know what you’re talking about Alys. You’ve always had everything you wanted. You haven’t got a clue what it’s like to have nothing.’
    â€˜Race!’ She sat up too. ‘Don’t you understand? I’ve had money and possessions all my life and none of them has made me half as happy as I am with you. The way we feel is something money can’t buy.’
    He reached for a blade of springy grass, snapping it between his fingers and staring straight ahead of him.
    â€˜Race, you do feel the same way I do, don’t you?’ she said. A light breeze whispered through the brush and as it touched her wet back she shivered. ‘You do love me, don’t you?’
    â€˜Of course I do!’ But his tone was impatient and he made no move to touch her. Suddenly, she was painfully aware that he had never said the magic words she so desperately wanted to hear. She leaned towards him urgently.
    â€˜Say it, Race, please!’
    â€˜Say what?’
    â€˜That you love me.’
    There was an awkward pause. He threw the twisted grass away. ‘I love you.’ But it was stilted, cold. She looked at him, hurt, and he said apologetically, ‘I’ve never said that to anyone before.’
    Oh, she wanted to believe him, wanted to believe he loved her and was embarrassed to say so. But she didn’t know anything any more. Tears stung her eyes and she turned away, pressing her hands to her mouth. After a moment she felt his arm around her shoulder.
    â€˜Alys, I’m sorry. It’s just – it’s all such a bloody mess; isn’t it?’
    â€˜Is it?’ she said through her fingers.
    â€˜Yes, I didn’t mean to hurt you, honestly …’
    She