Read Online Without Light or Guide by T. Frohock - Free Book Online Page B

nose and turns over and that’s how I know he’s not dead.”
    â€œThat sounds very scientific.”
    â€œSister Benita said I was silly when I did things like that. She said I was supposed to trust God. She said if I really loved God, then I would trust Him. But that doesn’t feel right. Can you love someone but not trust them, Miquel?”
    Miquel was silent for a moment. “Yes. I think you can love someone but not trust him, or her.”
    Diago wondered if Miquel was thinking of Candela. He looked down at Rafael’s drawing of the winged sun. The child wasn’t far from the truth. The angel’s presence lingered over their every waking moment in the form of Rafael. Yet Miquel had not once complained about having the boy in their lives. Diago held the picture against his chest. Through the paper, he felt the outline of his wedding band beneath his shirt. He touched the chain of his necklace and fished the ring to his finger.
    â€œI don’t understand,” said Rafael.
    â€œWell . . .”—­the knife slowed—­“ . . . think of it like this: love is a gift that’s given. Trust is a coin that’s earned.” The chopping sounds stopped altogether. “Do you know how to peel garlic?”
    â€œYes!” The chair scraped the floor. “Then can I check on Papa again?”
    â€œOnly if you promise not to wake him.”
    â€œI promise.”
    They hummed a tune together as they worked.
    Unbidden, the memory of Alvaro resurfaced. Diago, my son, help me . . . help. . .
    Diago closed his eyes and tried to muster any recollection of his father—­a touch, a scent, a word—­but nothing came immediately to his mind. He conjured the image of Alvaro’s soul wrapped in Moloch’s magic, and contemplated the shape of Alvaro’s face. From the farthest reaches of his first memories, Diago recalled a man with similar features. He had carried Diago into his aunt’s home and left him there with a promise that he would return.
    But he never did. He never came back. And Diago had shut the pain of that first betrayal deep within his soul, never to be examined . . . until today.
    But why? How could he have deserted me if he truly loved me? Diago tried to imagine leaving Rafael with strangers. Although the child had been in Diago’s life for only a few weeks, he couldn’t bear to abandon him so heartlessly.
    What reason did Alvaro have? During Diago’s brief meeting with his father, Alvaro claimed he left because Diago had forgotten how to love, but was that true? If Diago lacked the ability to love, he wouldn’t have cared if Alvaro abandoned him. But I did. I loved Alvaro. His betrayal was so traumatic I buried it.
    Diago opened his eyes. Alvaro’s statements didn’t fit. He claimed he’d remained by my side as long as he could, but how old was I when he left me with my aunt? Four? Five? If a father couldn’t bear to watch his son go through another life in sorrow, did he simply abandon him before he knew whether or not the child could change?
    Was Alvaro so selfish and callous?
    On the other hand, he had helped Diago deceive Moloch, had given his life so they could flee. Why would he help me save Rafael if he didn’t care?
    Diago pressed his wedding band to his lips. None of it made sense. The two aspects of his father—­the cold Nefil who abandoned his son, and the repentant one who saved his grandson—­didn’t mesh. An integral piece was missing from the puzzle, leaving Alvaro and his motives tantalizingly out of focus.
    Miquel crossed the kitchen and took from the cupboard two glasses and a bottle of homemade wine. He glanced into the front room where Diago sat. “Look who is up.”
    Rafael’s chair scraped again.
    â€œDon’t”—­Miquel pointed his finger in Rafael’s direction just as a thud shook the floor—­