Brain
Nonverbal connection can go a long way toward keeping love alive. But it alone is insufficient. For this reason, our right brain has a colleague: the left hemisphere of our brain, or simply our left brain . The left brain understands the importance of detail and precision. Its ability to speak its mind is legendary. In fact, it has the gift of gab and can be quite the little chatterbox.
Had Leia’s and Franklin’s left brains remained engaged, either or both could have made creative and meaningful statements that, if not leading to an immediate solution, might have given them a sense of possibility, newness, and relief. Either could have avoided war by saying things such as “I realize this makes you crazy but…” or “I know we can work this out…” or “I realize this is important to you, so what if we…?” Their words would have conveyed friendliness, consideration, and thoughtfulness, potentially offsetting the influence of their primitives and allowing them to talk things out to the point of relief.
You may have heard or read in the popular press about the distinction between right-brain people and left-brain people. Usually this refers to a tendency to be either more nonverbal and intuitive, or more verbal and logical. In fact, some partners have a stronger right brain and weaker left brain. These partners tend to communicate and process threat with less emphasis on talk and more emphasis on feeling and expression. Other partners have a stronger left brain and a weaker right brain; their emphasis is more likely on logic, ideas, and talk, and less on feeling and emotional sensitivity. Of course, others are blessed with strong ambassadors of both types.
Standing in Each Other’s Shoes: The Orbitofrontal Cortex
For a couple bubble to be created, all the ambassadors must work together in an atmosphere of friendliness, openness, kindness, lovingness, and other positive ’nesses. When they do so, it is under the direction of the orbitofrontal cortex . As ambassadors go, no other is as powerful and influential. Connected with almost every part of our brain, the orbitofrontal cortex is responsible for setting the stage for love. It is because of the orbitofrontal cortex that we are able to be curious about our mind and the minds of others. The orbitofrontal cortex is our moral and empathic center, and most importantly, can communicate with ambassadors and primitives alike. At times of impending war, it falls primarily to the orbitofrontal cortex to talk our primitives down. And the orbitofrontal cortex does this not so much by presenting a logical, debate-winning argument, as by providing feedback that enables the primitives to chill. It also allows us to feel empathy.
Neither Leia nor Franklin was able to step into the other’s shoes, or simultaneously value and reckon with both points of view. Leia, for example, was so wrapped up in her own needs and desires that she didn’t stop to consider the stresses and fears Franklin might be feeling. It didn’t occur to her to ask what he was feeling, or to show appreciation for the fact that he might also be upset, for his own reasons. She simply expected him to conform to her views of the situation.
This basic inability to empathize may point to a poorly developed orbitofrontal cortex. Leia’s orbitofrontal cortex could have been temporarily offline due to threat, and therefore unable to appreciate anything beyond her own ideas and feelings. Or it could have been disabled due to drug abuse or other medical reasons. Or perhaps, due to experiences during childhood, it never fully developed, making it difficult for her to empathize with and understand a partner’s views and perspectives. In that case, even if she had another partner who was less reactive than Franklin, her orbitofrontal cortex would be no better equipped.
As long as Leia and Franklin—one or both—are unable to see, understand, and appreciate their partner’s concerns or viewpoint, they
Nonverbal connection can go a long way toward keeping love alive. But it alone is insufficient. For this reason, our right brain has a colleague: the left hemisphere of our brain, or simply our left brain . The left brain understands the importance of detail and precision. Its ability to speak its mind is legendary. In fact, it has the gift of gab and can be quite the little chatterbox.
Had Leia’s and Franklin’s left brains remained engaged, either or both could have made creative and meaningful statements that, if not leading to an immediate solution, might have given them a sense of possibility, newness, and relief. Either could have avoided war by saying things such as “I realize this makes you crazy but…” or “I know we can work this out…” or “I realize this is important to you, so what if we…?” Their words would have conveyed friendliness, consideration, and thoughtfulness, potentially offsetting the influence of their primitives and allowing them to talk things out to the point of relief.
You may have heard or read in the popular press about the distinction between right-brain people and left-brain people. Usually this refers to a tendency to be either more nonverbal and intuitive, or more verbal and logical. In fact, some partners have a stronger right brain and weaker left brain. These partners tend to communicate and process threat with less emphasis on talk and more emphasis on feeling and expression. Other partners have a stronger left brain and a weaker right brain; their emphasis is more likely on logic, ideas, and talk, and less on feeling and emotional sensitivity. Of course, others are blessed with strong ambassadors of both types.
Standing in Each Other’s Shoes: The Orbitofrontal Cortex
For a couple bubble to be created, all the ambassadors must work together in an atmosphere of friendliness, openness, kindness, lovingness, and other positive ’nesses. When they do so, it is under the direction of the orbitofrontal cortex . As ambassadors go, no other is as powerful and influential. Connected with almost every part of our brain, the orbitofrontal cortex is responsible for setting the stage for love. It is because of the orbitofrontal cortex that we are able to be curious about our mind and the minds of others. The orbitofrontal cortex is our moral and empathic center, and most importantly, can communicate with ambassadors and primitives alike. At times of impending war, it falls primarily to the orbitofrontal cortex to talk our primitives down. And the orbitofrontal cortex does this not so much by presenting a logical, debate-winning argument, as by providing feedback that enables the primitives to chill. It also allows us to feel empathy.
Neither Leia nor Franklin was able to step into the other’s shoes, or simultaneously value and reckon with both points of view. Leia, for example, was so wrapped up in her own needs and desires that she didn’t stop to consider the stresses and fears Franklin might be feeling. It didn’t occur to her to ask what he was feeling, or to show appreciation for the fact that he might also be upset, for his own reasons. She simply expected him to conform to her views of the situation.
This basic inability to empathize may point to a poorly developed orbitofrontal cortex. Leia’s orbitofrontal cortex could have been temporarily offline due to threat, and therefore unable to appreciate anything beyond her own ideas and feelings. Or it could have been disabled due to drug abuse or other medical reasons. Or perhaps, due to experiences during childhood, it never fully developed, making it difficult for her to empathize with and understand a partner’s views and perspectives. In that case, even if she had another partner who was less reactive than Franklin, her orbitofrontal cortex would be no better equipped.
As long as Leia and Franklin—one or both—are unable to see, understand, and appreciate their partner’s concerns or viewpoint, they
Similar Books
