Tags:
Fiction,
Death,
Family & Relationships,
Death; Grief; Bereavement,
Juvenile Fiction,
Psychology,
Social Issues,
Young Adult Fiction,
Death & Dying,
Friendship,
Young Women,
best friends,
Psychopathology,
Adolescence,
Health & Daily Living,
Diseases; Illnesses & Injuries,
Stepfamilies,
Guilt,
Eating Disorders,
Anorexia nervosa
couple months doesn’t make that go away.
Lia stares at a stain in the tablecloth.
Daddy: Do you know how she died?
Mom, taking a roll from the basket: Cindy will call me when the autopsy results come in. I offered to explain them to her.
Daddy: I bet it will show drugs.
Mom: Maybe, but that’s not the point. The point is Lia.
Emma walks in to say good night, her eyes puffy. Dad kisses her; Dr. Marrigan gives her a clinical smile. I hug her close and whisper that long division is a stupid poop-head. She giggles and squeezes me tight, then runs up to take her bath. Jennifer stands with her back to Dr. Marrigan and me and asks her husband some lame questions about the garbage pickup tomorrow and his socks in the dryer, little homey details to remind Wife Number One who wears the diamond ring around here.
I brush the crumbs from the tablecloth into my hand.
Drugs didn’t kill Cassie, not unless it was a couple of bottles of aspirin. Or she drank vodka until she fell into a coma. Or she cut too deep. Or maybe someone else killed her, some bad guy who followed her and stole her purse and emptied her checking account.
No, that would have been in the newspaper.
I should have asked Elijah what he saw, what the police really said. I should have told him my name. But, no.
I don’t know who he is, not really. What if he lied about having an alibi, what if the police think he’s a suspect?
And what kind of guy lives in a creepy motel? Maybe he was a figment of my imagination. The whole day could have been a blackout dream I spun for myself because admitting that I spent the whole day in bed is pathetic.
Doubtful.
Poof! Jennifer vanishes again.
Mom, taking roll out of basket: I can’t go to the wake because of work. Are you going?
Dad: It might be awkward. I haven’t talked to them in years.
Lia: I’ll go.
Mom: Absolutely not. You’re emotionally fragile. I’ll pay our respects at the funeral on Saturday.
Lia: But you just made a big deal about how long Cassie and me were friends.
Dad: Your mother is right. It’ll upset you too much.
Lia: I’m not upset.
Mom: I don’t believe you. I want you to see Dr. Parker more frequently. At least once a week, maybe more.
Lia, quietly: No. It’s a waste of time and money.
Dad: What do you mean?
Lia: Dr. Parker is dragging out my therapy so she can keep getting paid.
Mom, picking out bits of grain from roll: You’re alive because of Dr. Parker.
Lia, bleeding where they can’t see: Stop exaggerating.
Mom, dropping crumbs: She’s slipping back into denial, David. Why are you letting this happen? You’re not supporting her recovery, you’re letting it go up in flames.
Dad: What are you talking about? We’re a hundred percent supportive, aren’t we, Lia?
Mom, acid-eyes: You coddle her, you let her call the shots.
Dad, louder: Did you just say we coddle her?
They leap into battle, the steps to the dance burned into their muscle memory. I pull a candle close to me and push the soft wax at the top of it into the blue flame.
My parents met at a midsummer’s party by a lake in the mountains. Dad was finishing up his PhD and knew the guy who owned the cabin. Mom had a rare night off between her internship and residency. She and her friends were looking for a different party and got lost.
When I was a real girl, they would cuddle with me on the couch and tell me the fairy-tale version of how they fell in love:
Once upon a time, on the shores of a purple lake so deep it had no bottom, a man saw a lady with long gold-en hair walking barefoot in the sand. The lady heard the man singing sweetly and playing the guitar. It was fate that their paths should cross.
They paddled a canoe to the middle of the water and laughed. The moon saw how beautiful they were and how much in love, and gave them a baby for their very own. Just then, the canoe sprung a leak and started to sink. They had to paddle hard, hard, hard, but they made it to shore just in time.
They
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