Read Online Willie's Redneck Time Machine by John Luke Robertson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: John Luke Robertson
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the things you believe in. But you do so in a responsible way. How you feel about Korie —that’s a cool thing. Don’t ever let it go, okay? She’s a good lady.”
He gives you a suspicious look because, of course, he has no clue who you are. Or maybe it’s because you called Korie a “lady.”
“I just want you to know —you’re almost out of here. And you have your whole world ahead of you. Make sure you don’t change. Okay? Keep the things your parents have taught you close to your heart. Trust God. There are going to be some trying times, but that’s okay. You might find yourself working in an ice cream plant in a cooler all day long. Don’t let that wear you down. Big things are ahead for you.”
He nods. You can tell he’s still trying to figure out who you are, since that’s exactly what you’d do.
INXS starts to play.
“Man, I love these guys,” you tell him.
“Yeah, so do I.”
This is weird.
You have the opportunity to tell yourself anything. But you’ve already said enough.
“Oh, one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“One day you’ll be able to rock a beard like this one. And don’t let anybody fool you —people fear the beards.”
You both go back into the gym, where you find John Luke being cornered by another girl: Jill Baxter.
A girl who was in love with you and started stalking you for a while.
“Let’s go, John Luke.”
“This is Willie Robertson,” Jill says in a hands-off-he’s-mine tone.
“This is my son, whom I will kill for if necessary,” you say.
It’s true —not that you’re going to harm her. But sometimes you just need to state the obvious to those who aren’t so smart.
Jill gives you a snotty look, but she also appears to be terrified of you. She disappears in the crowd.
“That girl was crazy,” John Luke said.
“Sometimes the best thing you can do when a girl tells you she likes you is run. Run away as fast as you can.”
So that’s what both of you do.
Go here .
1863
“SIR,” YOU SAY, “it’s an honor and a privilege to meet you, but my idiot brother does not know what he’s doing.”
General Stonewall Jackson stands in front of his horse while Jase shakes his head next to you.
“You’re handing them the keys to the war,” Jase says.
“Have you forgotten everything about the Civil War? Do I really need to explain why you can’t just kidnap Stonewall Jackson?” You change your tone before speaking to Jackson again. “We really don’t mean you any harm, sir.”
The general does not look amused or impressed.
Jase appears to have a few more things to share with him. “Maybe you’ll just want to be a little careful, especially when it comes to your —”
“Jase. Shut up.”
You’re about to drag Jase back to the time machine, but then you remember something.
Korie’s birthday present.
“Oh, sir, can I ask one favor?”
Soon you’re pulling Jase back into the outhouse while the completely confused and confounded general stares at both of you.
He’s just waiting to tell his men about us so they can take us away.
But the time machine will be gone before that.
Once the door closes, you swat Jase on the back of his head.
“What’s that for?” he asks.
“For being an idiot.”
“I was trying to help General Stonewall Jackson.”
“Don’t you know the first rule about time travel?” you ask.
“Save Stonewall Jackson?”
“You don’t go and try to kill Hitler.”
Jase just shakes his head and puts his cap back on. “You got the wrong war.”
“Avoid paradoxes.”
Suddenly you hear knocking at the door.
“Do you know how to get back?” you ask Jase.
“There’s a way to program this thing, you know. The redheaded man told me. It’s right over here.”
The knocking escalates to banging. They might be able to get through the door if you don’t escape soon.
“Take us back home,” you command Jase.
“But what about trying something else out?”
“Home. Today. I still have
He gives you a suspicious look because, of course, he has no clue who you are. Or maybe it’s because you called Korie a “lady.”
“I just want you to know —you’re almost out of here. And you have your whole world ahead of you. Make sure you don’t change. Okay? Keep the things your parents have taught you close to your heart. Trust God. There are going to be some trying times, but that’s okay. You might find yourself working in an ice cream plant in a cooler all day long. Don’t let that wear you down. Big things are ahead for you.”
He nods. You can tell he’s still trying to figure out who you are, since that’s exactly what you’d do.
INXS starts to play.
“Man, I love these guys,” you tell him.
“Yeah, so do I.”
This is weird.
You have the opportunity to tell yourself anything. But you’ve already said enough.
“Oh, one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“One day you’ll be able to rock a beard like this one. And don’t let anybody fool you —people fear the beards.”
You both go back into the gym, where you find John Luke being cornered by another girl: Jill Baxter.
A girl who was in love with you and started stalking you for a while.
“Let’s go, John Luke.”
“This is Willie Robertson,” Jill says in a hands-off-he’s-mine tone.
“This is my son, whom I will kill for if necessary,” you say.
It’s true —not that you’re going to harm her. But sometimes you just need to state the obvious to those who aren’t so smart.
Jill gives you a snotty look, but she also appears to be terrified of you. She disappears in the crowd.
“That girl was crazy,” John Luke said.
“Sometimes the best thing you can do when a girl tells you she likes you is run. Run away as fast as you can.”
So that’s what both of you do.
Go here .
1863
“SIR,” YOU SAY, “it’s an honor and a privilege to meet you, but my idiot brother does not know what he’s doing.”
General Stonewall Jackson stands in front of his horse while Jase shakes his head next to you.
“You’re handing them the keys to the war,” Jase says.
“Have you forgotten everything about the Civil War? Do I really need to explain why you can’t just kidnap Stonewall Jackson?” You change your tone before speaking to Jackson again. “We really don’t mean you any harm, sir.”
The general does not look amused or impressed.
Jase appears to have a few more things to share with him. “Maybe you’ll just want to be a little careful, especially when it comes to your —”
“Jase. Shut up.”
You’re about to drag Jase back to the time machine, but then you remember something.
Korie’s birthday present.
“Oh, sir, can I ask one favor?”
Soon you’re pulling Jase back into the outhouse while the completely confused and confounded general stares at both of you.
He’s just waiting to tell his men about us so they can take us away.
But the time machine will be gone before that.
Once the door closes, you swat Jase on the back of his head.
“What’s that for?” he asks.
“For being an idiot.”
“I was trying to help General Stonewall Jackson.”
“Don’t you know the first rule about time travel?” you ask.
“Save Stonewall Jackson?”
“You don’t go and try to kill Hitler.”
Jase just shakes his head and puts his cap back on. “You got the wrong war.”
“Avoid paradoxes.”
Suddenly you hear knocking at the door.
“Do you know how to get back?” you ask Jase.
“There’s a way to program this thing, you know. The redheaded man told me. It’s right over here.”
The knocking escalates to banging. They might be able to get through the door if you don’t escape soon.
“Take us back home,” you command Jase.
“But what about trying something else out?”
“Home. Today. I still have
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