Read Online Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? by Mark Leyner - Free Book Online
Authors: Mark Leyner
Tags: Fiction
Ads: Link
toads. They seem to always take a backseat to frogs. Frogs get kissed and turn into princes and toads just get to cause warts. Well, here is some good news for toads. Toads do not cause warts. Toads do, however, produce a substance from the parotid gland behind the eyes to act as protection. This toxin can make other animals very sick if ingested and can be irritating to the eyes. Some people even go way beyond touching toads and will lick them in an attempt to get high from a supposed psychedelic substance on their skin.
A special type of toad, the Bufo toad, does contain a psychedelic substance but it doesn’t cause hallucinations. Be careful because people have been arrested for toad licking.
ARE BULLS REALLY ATTRACTED TO THE COLOR RED?
What would a bullfight be without the red cape? Answer: A bullfight just the same. However, a yellow cape might be more easily stained with blood. Bulls probably do react to a bright color but not specifically to red. The movement of the cape is more key to catching the bull’s attention.
WHY DON’T VULTURES GET SICK FROM EATING ROTTEN MEAT?
You’d think chowing down on rotten carcasses of putrefying, maggot-ridden meat might not be the best thing for a bird (never mind the bad breath it causes). But it doesn’t seem to bother vultures, who dine al fresco on the stuff whenever they get the chance. Granted, they prefer their carrion (that’s dead flesh, not luggage) to be fresh, not festering—although they’re not terribly picky. But vultures do not get sick from eating rotten or diseased meat, even if the dead animal being scarfed down is infected with botulism, cholera, or anthrax. Talk about having a strong stomach! Disease organisms just don’t survive in a vulture’s digestive tract. And that’s not true for other carrion-junkies like hyenas and jackals. Although vultures have an extremely high acid level in their bellies, it’s not known precisely what kills off all the nasty pathogens in this big bird’s iron gut.
(Health Advisory: If you’re feeling especially listless and rundown, and you find that, whenever you step outside, vultures are wheeling over your head, licking their chops, they may know something you don’t know. See a doctor.)
IS A DOG’S MOUTH CLEAN?
Joel Leyner propounded two axiomatic truths for the entirety of his son Mark’s childhood: 1. Someday every single person will possess his or her own helicopter and commute to work in it; and 2. A dog’s mouth is actually cleaner than a person’s. Well, so much for fatherly wisdom. Although Leyner never really bought the helicopter prediction—seemed like too much of a rush-hour nightmare—the dog’s mouth assertion seemed plausible. But the ol’ man was wrong on that score too. When the oral cultures from ten randomly chosen people were compared to samples from the mouths of ten randomly chosen hounds, guess what? The “yuck factor”—that is, bacterial colonies per square centimeter—was greater in the majority of mutt mouths than in the person pie-holes. No wonder Lucy hated it when Snoopy kissed her.
5:16 P.M .
Gberg: What’s up, Nipple Brother?
Leyner: Working on a section for our calendar called Life After Death or Maggot Chow.
Gberg: I am trying to get some work done on book #2.
Gberg: The “B” side of our literary record.
Leyner: Hold on…
Gberg: We used to feed our dog maggot chow.
Leyner: That’s funny…wait, I’m finishing this thing…
5:20 P.M .
Gberg: I am doing some research for the book. Did I tell you that Carrie wants the book earlier if possible?
Leyner: We all agreed on March 1.
5:25 P.M .
Gberg: She said if possible.
Leyner: Tell her to stick her head in an autoclave.
Gberg: Absolutely.
Leyner: Well, all right then.
DO RATS CAUSE RABIES?
Rats have such an undeservedly bad image. Rats are rarely, if ever, infected with rabies, and have never been known to cause rabies among humans in the United States. Woodchucks are far more prone to be
A special type of toad, the Bufo toad, does contain a psychedelic substance but it doesn’t cause hallucinations. Be careful because people have been arrested for toad licking.
ARE BULLS REALLY ATTRACTED TO THE COLOR RED?
What would a bullfight be without the red cape? Answer: A bullfight just the same. However, a yellow cape might be more easily stained with blood. Bulls probably do react to a bright color but not specifically to red. The movement of the cape is more key to catching the bull’s attention.
WHY DON’T VULTURES GET SICK FROM EATING ROTTEN MEAT?
You’d think chowing down on rotten carcasses of putrefying, maggot-ridden meat might not be the best thing for a bird (never mind the bad breath it causes). But it doesn’t seem to bother vultures, who dine al fresco on the stuff whenever they get the chance. Granted, they prefer their carrion (that’s dead flesh, not luggage) to be fresh, not festering—although they’re not terribly picky. But vultures do not get sick from eating rotten or diseased meat, even if the dead animal being scarfed down is infected with botulism, cholera, or anthrax. Talk about having a strong stomach! Disease organisms just don’t survive in a vulture’s digestive tract. And that’s not true for other carrion-junkies like hyenas and jackals. Although vultures have an extremely high acid level in their bellies, it’s not known precisely what kills off all the nasty pathogens in this big bird’s iron gut.
(Health Advisory: If you’re feeling especially listless and rundown, and you find that, whenever you step outside, vultures are wheeling over your head, licking their chops, they may know something you don’t know. See a doctor.)
IS A DOG’S MOUTH CLEAN?
Joel Leyner propounded two axiomatic truths for the entirety of his son Mark’s childhood: 1. Someday every single person will possess his or her own helicopter and commute to work in it; and 2. A dog’s mouth is actually cleaner than a person’s. Well, so much for fatherly wisdom. Although Leyner never really bought the helicopter prediction—seemed like too much of a rush-hour nightmare—the dog’s mouth assertion seemed plausible. But the ol’ man was wrong on that score too. When the oral cultures from ten randomly chosen people were compared to samples from the mouths of ten randomly chosen hounds, guess what? The “yuck factor”—that is, bacterial colonies per square centimeter—was greater in the majority of mutt mouths than in the person pie-holes. No wonder Lucy hated it when Snoopy kissed her.
5:16 P.M .
Gberg: What’s up, Nipple Brother?
Leyner: Working on a section for our calendar called Life After Death or Maggot Chow.
Gberg: I am trying to get some work done on book #2.
Gberg: The “B” side of our literary record.
Leyner: Hold on…
Gberg: We used to feed our dog maggot chow.
Leyner: That’s funny…wait, I’m finishing this thing…
5:20 P.M .
Gberg: I am doing some research for the book. Did I tell you that Carrie wants the book earlier if possible?
Leyner: We all agreed on March 1.
5:25 P.M .
Gberg: She said if possible.
Leyner: Tell her to stick her head in an autoclave.
Gberg: Absolutely.
Leyner: Well, all right then.
DO RATS CAUSE RABIES?
Rats have such an undeservedly bad image. Rats are rarely, if ever, infected with rabies, and have never been known to cause rabies among humans in the United States. Woodchucks are far more prone to be
Similar Books
