Read Online Who Stole the Funny? : A Novel of Hollywood by Robby Benson - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Robby Benson
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A.D. is employed for the run of the episodes to ensure continuity between rotating directors and the production itself. An assistant director is a completely different animal from the assistant to the director, which was Ash Black’s title.
J.T. had worked with William Kay ten years earlier. He found
him to be a very competent A.D., but a man who was a survivor.
An A.D. should take a bullet for his (or her ) director. But in order to survive (stay employed),
this particular man had at-
The Hollywood Dictionary
tended to his own interests
ASSISTANT TO THE DIRECTOR:
first. The new directors, the
An assistant to the director has
old directors, the hacks, the
been known to cover the direc-
talented . . . they would all
tor’s back.
come and go, but somehow
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: An assis-
William Kay stayed em-
tant director has been known to
ployed. It didn’t mean that
stab a director in the back.
he was a bad man or that
his ethical foundation was
corrupt by Hollywood stan-
dards. Not at all. It only meant that William Kay was looking out for William Kay.
Indeed, how could anyone in Hollywood blame a man who
spread rumors, divulged secrets, and snuck up to the showrun-
ners’ office to warn them they had better keep an eye on a particu-5 8
W H O S T O L E T H E F U N N Y ?
lar director? How could anyone in Hollywood blame a man who
did it all so sincerely ? You couldn’t blame William Kay at all. These were simply the skills one needed to survive in show business. He’d have said he was just following orders.
In the real world he would have been left in a damp alley with a bullet in his head.
J.T. did blame William Kay.
J.T. walked up to the spread of food that was laid out, wait-
ing to be eaten by showbiz types. Showbiz types, especially actors, loved free food. J.T., on the other hand, would never eat the studio’s food. Eating their food meant that J.T. had bonded through protein and carbohydrates to the very people he despised. No, he was checking out the food because it was an indication of what kind of show J.T. was working on. If no one came early to eat breakfast yet the food was extravagant, there was a problem.
J.T. scoped out the food for quality. This particular two-table spread featured sections that catered to every new diet fad: a high-protein, high-fat section was carefully separated from a high-
protein, low-fat section, and both were a respectable distance
from a high-carb, lean-protein section. Another section was lad-en with fresh, out-of-season fruit, including a disproportionate number of an exotic, expensive, lumpy fruit from Thailand called noi-na. It could be used in a sentence, such as: “Are you ready?”
And the sitcom answer would be: “Noi, na!” (J.T. later found out that the Pooleys liked noi-na. Because it was expensive.) There was a vegetarian section with hummus and tabouli. There was
even a fast-food section for
the Teamsters.
Tons of free food, J.T.
The Hollywood Dictionary
thought. No one is here. Very
TEAMSTERS: Butts of cruel, cheap
bad .
jokes. Big butts . . .
The first person to arrive
and stand and stare at the
R o b b y
B e n s o n
5 9
food was Asher Black. Ash was nearly six feet five and towered over J.T., who noticed that Ash, at forty-one, was beginning to accumu-late a roll around his belly and hips.
The two men hugged as if they were brothers who got along
with each other. J.T. wasn’t a fool. He knew that in many respects, Ash had surpassed him: as a human being, certainly, and maybe
even as a filmmaker.
They loved each other.
When people saw the two of them together, saw all that honest
affection, the rumors spread like a California wildfire:
“They’re gay!”
“Did you see them hug?!”
“I saw J.T. kiss him on the cheek!”
“I always knew J.T. was gay!”
J.T. and Ash treasured the rumors. They loved fucking with
everyone, and it also helped the real job at hand because it kept people off
J.T. had worked with William Kay ten years earlier. He found
him to be a very competent A.D., but a man who was a survivor.
An A.D. should take a bullet for his (or her ) director. But in order to survive (stay employed),
this particular man had at-
The Hollywood Dictionary
tended to his own interests
ASSISTANT TO THE DIRECTOR:
first. The new directors, the
An assistant to the director has
old directors, the hacks, the
been known to cover the direc-
talented . . . they would all
tor’s back.
come and go, but somehow
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: An assis-
William Kay stayed em-
tant director has been known to
ployed. It didn’t mean that
stab a director in the back.
he was a bad man or that
his ethical foundation was
corrupt by Hollywood stan-
dards. Not at all. It only meant that William Kay was looking out for William Kay.
Indeed, how could anyone in Hollywood blame a man who
spread rumors, divulged secrets, and snuck up to the showrun-
ners’ office to warn them they had better keep an eye on a particu-5 8
W H O S T O L E T H E F U N N Y ?
lar director? How could anyone in Hollywood blame a man who
did it all so sincerely ? You couldn’t blame William Kay at all. These were simply the skills one needed to survive in show business. He’d have said he was just following orders.
In the real world he would have been left in a damp alley with a bullet in his head.
J.T. did blame William Kay.
J.T. walked up to the spread of food that was laid out, wait-
ing to be eaten by showbiz types. Showbiz types, especially actors, loved free food. J.T., on the other hand, would never eat the studio’s food. Eating their food meant that J.T. had bonded through protein and carbohydrates to the very people he despised. No, he was checking out the food because it was an indication of what kind of show J.T. was working on. If no one came early to eat breakfast yet the food was extravagant, there was a problem.
J.T. scoped out the food for quality. This particular two-table spread featured sections that catered to every new diet fad: a high-protein, high-fat section was carefully separated from a high-
protein, low-fat section, and both were a respectable distance
from a high-carb, lean-protein section. Another section was lad-en with fresh, out-of-season fruit, including a disproportionate number of an exotic, expensive, lumpy fruit from Thailand called noi-na. It could be used in a sentence, such as: “Are you ready?”
And the sitcom answer would be: “Noi, na!” (J.T. later found out that the Pooleys liked noi-na. Because it was expensive.) There was a vegetarian section with hummus and tabouli. There was
even a fast-food section for
the Teamsters.
Tons of free food, J.T.
The Hollywood Dictionary
thought. No one is here. Very
TEAMSTERS: Butts of cruel, cheap
bad .
jokes. Big butts . . .
The first person to arrive
and stand and stare at the
R o b b y
B e n s o n
5 9
food was Asher Black. Ash was nearly six feet five and towered over J.T., who noticed that Ash, at forty-one, was beginning to accumu-late a roll around his belly and hips.
The two men hugged as if they were brothers who got along
with each other. J.T. wasn’t a fool. He knew that in many respects, Ash had surpassed him: as a human being, certainly, and maybe
even as a filmmaker.
They loved each other.
When people saw the two of them together, saw all that honest
affection, the rumors spread like a California wildfire:
“They’re gay!”
“Did you see them hug?!”
“I saw J.T. kiss him on the cheek!”
“I always knew J.T. was gay!”
J.T. and Ash treasured the rumors. They loved fucking with
everyone, and it also helped the real job at hand because it kept people off
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