heardhim speak on the Appalachian Trail near her hometown, he seemed different. Changed.
Or was that her broken heart talking? She couldnât deny how much it hurt that he scarcely noticed her these days. She supposed now that the church had grown so large, he had other things to worry about than an ugly, scarred woman. But heâd been able to see past her appearance before. At least, heâd made her feel as if he could. And what about the stoning? The bloodlust thatâd overtaken the Covenanters when Ethan ordered Martha stoned still horrified Sarah. How could Ethan be the man sheâd thought he was, a man sheâd compare to any of the great prophets, if he was willing to resort to such violence? Was it true that his actions were sanctioned by God, as everyone said? That Godâs punishment was righteous punishment?
Maybe. She didnât pretend to know Godâs mind. But sometimes Ethan didnât seem Christ-like at all. To Sarah, Martha had been no more deserving of public slaughter than anyone else in Paradise. What had happened to acceptance, tolerance and love? To providing a refuge from the dangers of the world?
Those questions had swirled in her mind ever since sheâd helped Martha escape, probably because the answers were so unsettling. If Ethan was wrong in ordering Martha stoned, he wasnât really holy and the foundation for the religion sheâd gladly embraced was a false one. And if he was right, sheâd rebelled against him and therefore rebelled against God.
âIs there anything else?â Patricia asked when Sarah didnât leave.
âNo. If you see Courtney, would you tell her Iâd like to talk to her? Iâd really appreciate it.â
âOf course.â Patricia reached out to squeeze her hand. âYou look lovely today.â
âThank you,â Sarah murmured, but she knew it was one of those kind lies designed to lift her spirits. She hadnât been pretty since sheâd been injured in the house fire that had killed her mother and taken the lives of her younger sister and brother. The terrible burns sheâd sustained trying to rescue them had destroyed too much of her face and hands. The skin grafts made her look like a monster. Even the children were frightened of her.
âSheâll be okay,â Patricia called after her.
Sarah had to catch the tent flap so it didnât hit her in the face. âHow do you know?â
Patricia widened her eyes. âBecause God will mend her broken heart the way Heâs mended yours. The way He mends every heart that turns to Him for solace.â
Embarrassed, Sarah nodded. Patricia hadnât been speaking of Courtneyâs physical welfare. That the girl might be in danger hadnât even crossed her mind. But it had crossed Sarahâs, and the resulting fear sat like a lump in the middle of her chest. Although she kept telling herself she was crazy to suspect her beloved leader of harming anyone, she kept recalling the triumphant expression on Ethanâs face at the stoning, when Marthaâs husband had thrown the first rock and hit her so cruelly on the temple. Martha had become so disenchanted with him that sheâd been very vocal about her doubts, only to be stoned days later. Courtney had also been talking, saying things she shouldnât. Sarah had heard her tell others that Ethan couldnât be a prophet. She accused him of being a sexual deviant who preyed on the weaknesses of others to cover his own inadequacies. She claimed she had proof that he wasnât superior to anyone else.
What that proof might be, Sarah didnât know. She hadnât asked because she didnât want to get involved. She was trying to rebuild her faith, not demolish it entirely. She wasnât convinced Courtney wouldâve told her, anyway. When the others had asked, sheâd merely laughed and said sheâd discovered a secret Ethan wouldnât want her sharing
Or was that her broken heart talking? She couldnât deny how much it hurt that he scarcely noticed her these days. She supposed now that the church had grown so large, he had other things to worry about than an ugly, scarred woman. But heâd been able to see past her appearance before. At least, heâd made her feel as if he could. And what about the stoning? The bloodlust thatâd overtaken the Covenanters when Ethan ordered Martha stoned still horrified Sarah. How could Ethan be the man sheâd thought he was, a man sheâd compare to any of the great prophets, if he was willing to resort to such violence? Was it true that his actions were sanctioned by God, as everyone said? That Godâs punishment was righteous punishment?
Maybe. She didnât pretend to know Godâs mind. But sometimes Ethan didnât seem Christ-like at all. To Sarah, Martha had been no more deserving of public slaughter than anyone else in Paradise. What had happened to acceptance, tolerance and love? To providing a refuge from the dangers of the world?
Those questions had swirled in her mind ever since sheâd helped Martha escape, probably because the answers were so unsettling. If Ethan was wrong in ordering Martha stoned, he wasnât really holy and the foundation for the religion sheâd gladly embraced was a false one. And if he was right, sheâd rebelled against him and therefore rebelled against God.
âIs there anything else?â Patricia asked when Sarah didnât leave.
âNo. If you see Courtney, would you tell her Iâd like to talk to her? Iâd really appreciate it.â
âOf course.â Patricia reached out to squeeze her hand. âYou look lovely today.â
âThank you,â Sarah murmured, but she knew it was one of those kind lies designed to lift her spirits. She hadnât been pretty since sheâd been injured in the house fire that had killed her mother and taken the lives of her younger sister and brother. The terrible burns sheâd sustained trying to rescue them had destroyed too much of her face and hands. The skin grafts made her look like a monster. Even the children were frightened of her.
âSheâll be okay,â Patricia called after her.
Sarah had to catch the tent flap so it didnât hit her in the face. âHow do you know?â
Patricia widened her eyes. âBecause God will mend her broken heart the way Heâs mended yours. The way He mends every heart that turns to Him for solace.â
Embarrassed, Sarah nodded. Patricia hadnât been speaking of Courtneyâs physical welfare. That the girl might be in danger hadnât even crossed her mind. But it had crossed Sarahâs, and the resulting fear sat like a lump in the middle of her chest. Although she kept telling herself she was crazy to suspect her beloved leader of harming anyone, she kept recalling the triumphant expression on Ethanâs face at the stoning, when Marthaâs husband had thrown the first rock and hit her so cruelly on the temple. Martha had become so disenchanted with him that sheâd been very vocal about her doubts, only to be stoned days later. Courtney had also been talking, saying things she shouldnât. Sarah had heard her tell others that Ethan couldnât be a prophet. She accused him of being a sexual deviant who preyed on the weaknesses of others to cover his own inadequacies. She claimed she had proof that he wasnât superior to anyone else.
What that proof might be, Sarah didnât know. She hadnât asked because she didnât want to get involved. She was trying to rebuild her faith, not demolish it entirely. She wasnât convinced Courtney wouldâve told her, anyway. When the others had asked, sheâd merely laughed and said sheâd discovered a secret Ethan wouldnât want her sharing
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