Read Online Whip Smart: A Memoir by Melissa Febos - Free Book Online
Authors: Melissa Febos
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and began.
“Auntie Justine—” She choked on another round of giggles,raising her brows at me while deepening her tone for an added note of cruelty. “Auntie Justine, it is a truly ridiculous sight, I agree. He is a joke of a man.” She abruptly looked down at Roger, wrinkling her nose. “Are you
humping
my leg, Roger, you little scum bucket?” Indeed, he appeared to be slowly grinding his hips against her stockinged thigh.
“I’m sorry, Mommy; I can’t help it. You and Auntie were laughing at my dirty bum, and I got too excited.”
Autumn sneezed with laughter once again and avoided my gaze to facilitate speaking. “You need to get the fuck off of Mommy now, Roger. If you want to hump my leg like a dirty little dog, that’s what we’ll have to treat you as.” She kicked him onto the floor, where he knelt on all fours, pants still around his knees. His Ralph Lauren boxer briefs remained pulled down just enough to reveal her crimson handprints on his bare behind, an obvious pup tent pitched between his legs. Striding over to the four-poster bed fitted with black leather, a matching hammock swing strung to its posts with heavy chains, Autumn reached into the open box on the bed and pulled out a black dildo the width of my wrist. Lifting the menacing hunk of rubber over her head, she flung it across the room, where it slapped the wall like a fish and bounced crudely onto the Oriental rug. She smiled and turned her gaze to the kneeling Roger. “Fetch, you motherfucker!”
Half an hour later, Autumn walked Roger back out the complicated series of doors leading to the elevator, and I could hear his professions of gratitude as they passed the dressing room door. When she returned, Autumn pulled a crisp fifty-dollar bill out of her bra and handed it to me.
“Here, you earned it just for sitting in that room after he released his enema. I mean, not that it’s ever pleasant, but that was exceptional.”
“I guess that’s good news.” I stared at the fifty. “But you don’t have to give me that. It’s two-thirds of what you’re making, and I definitely didn’t do two-thirds of the work you did.”
“I know I don’t have to give it to you; just take it.” I took it.
At 1:30 in the morning, after the four of us had cleaned the kitchen, stocked towels in the bathrooms, vacuumed the rugs, and thrown the orphan shoes and articles of clothing behind the couch in the dressing room, we piled into the elevator with the massive black garbage bag from all the day’s sessions. Fiona explained that we had to drag the trash around the corner and deposit it on 39th Street, to avoid the suspicious proprietor of the tiny twenty-four-hour deli next door.
“He thinks we’re whores,” Autumn explained. “Just try getting change for any bill bigger than a twenty. He’ll look at you like he can smell the semen in your panties.”
Fiona laughed.
“We’ll take it, Fiona.” Autumn took the garbage bag from her and turned to me. “You’re going to the F train with me, right?”
“I am.”
Fiona raised her hand and stepped into the street.
“Okay, I’m gonna grab a cab here then. I’ll see you ladies tomorrow?”
We nodded and waved as she flagged a cab and headed uptown. As I reached for the knotted neck of the garbage, Autumn shouted to Bella, who was scurrying downtown, the back of her dark head already disappearing into the slippery shadows of the avenue.
“Bye, Bella!”
The lift of Bella’s hand could have been a wave, a dismissal, or only a change in pace. Autumn shook her head. “It takes all kinds.”
Our conversation on the train was easy. Her fresh-scrubbed face seemed already familiar, and I felt myself ease into the comfort of new friendship. I found it difficult to imagine the woman beside me spitting on and slapping the face of a man while he shat, though I had just seen it.
We hugged good-bye at the Union Square station, where she transferred to head to hip Williamsburg and I
“Auntie Justine—” She choked on another round of giggles,raising her brows at me while deepening her tone for an added note of cruelty. “Auntie Justine, it is a truly ridiculous sight, I agree. He is a joke of a man.” She abruptly looked down at Roger, wrinkling her nose. “Are you
humping
my leg, Roger, you little scum bucket?” Indeed, he appeared to be slowly grinding his hips against her stockinged thigh.
“I’m sorry, Mommy; I can’t help it. You and Auntie were laughing at my dirty bum, and I got too excited.”
Autumn sneezed with laughter once again and avoided my gaze to facilitate speaking. “You need to get the fuck off of Mommy now, Roger. If you want to hump my leg like a dirty little dog, that’s what we’ll have to treat you as.” She kicked him onto the floor, where he knelt on all fours, pants still around his knees. His Ralph Lauren boxer briefs remained pulled down just enough to reveal her crimson handprints on his bare behind, an obvious pup tent pitched between his legs. Striding over to the four-poster bed fitted with black leather, a matching hammock swing strung to its posts with heavy chains, Autumn reached into the open box on the bed and pulled out a black dildo the width of my wrist. Lifting the menacing hunk of rubber over her head, she flung it across the room, where it slapped the wall like a fish and bounced crudely onto the Oriental rug. She smiled and turned her gaze to the kneeling Roger. “Fetch, you motherfucker!”
Half an hour later, Autumn walked Roger back out the complicated series of doors leading to the elevator, and I could hear his professions of gratitude as they passed the dressing room door. When she returned, Autumn pulled a crisp fifty-dollar bill out of her bra and handed it to me.
“Here, you earned it just for sitting in that room after he released his enema. I mean, not that it’s ever pleasant, but that was exceptional.”
“I guess that’s good news.” I stared at the fifty. “But you don’t have to give me that. It’s two-thirds of what you’re making, and I definitely didn’t do two-thirds of the work you did.”
“I know I don’t have to give it to you; just take it.” I took it.
At 1:30 in the morning, after the four of us had cleaned the kitchen, stocked towels in the bathrooms, vacuumed the rugs, and thrown the orphan shoes and articles of clothing behind the couch in the dressing room, we piled into the elevator with the massive black garbage bag from all the day’s sessions. Fiona explained that we had to drag the trash around the corner and deposit it on 39th Street, to avoid the suspicious proprietor of the tiny twenty-four-hour deli next door.
“He thinks we’re whores,” Autumn explained. “Just try getting change for any bill bigger than a twenty. He’ll look at you like he can smell the semen in your panties.”
Fiona laughed.
“We’ll take it, Fiona.” Autumn took the garbage bag from her and turned to me. “You’re going to the F train with me, right?”
“I am.”
Fiona raised her hand and stepped into the street.
“Okay, I’m gonna grab a cab here then. I’ll see you ladies tomorrow?”
We nodded and waved as she flagged a cab and headed uptown. As I reached for the knotted neck of the garbage, Autumn shouted to Bella, who was scurrying downtown, the back of her dark head already disappearing into the slippery shadows of the avenue.
“Bye, Bella!”
The lift of Bella’s hand could have been a wave, a dismissal, or only a change in pace. Autumn shook her head. “It takes all kinds.”
Our conversation on the train was easy. Her fresh-scrubbed face seemed already familiar, and I felt myself ease into the comfort of new friendship. I found it difficult to imagine the woman beside me spitting on and slapping the face of a man while he shat, though I had just seen it.
We hugged good-bye at the Union Square station, where she transferred to head to hip Williamsburg and I
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