Read Online Ways to Live Forever by Sally Nicholls - Free Book Online Page A

said Ella.
    “Yes,” said Mum. She hesitated. “Sam, Gillian says – if you want to – she thinks maybe you should come and say . . . come and see him.”
    “Is he awake?” I said.
    “No,” said Mum. “Not really.” She rubbed her hand across her leg. “Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
    I didn’t want to.
    Yes, I did.
    No, I didn’t.
    “Yes,” I said. “I’ll go.”

 
     
     
     
     
     
     

     
     
     
     

 
     
WHAT HAPPENED
6th February
     
     
     
     
    It felt weird being back on our ward again. The nurse on the nurses’ station was new and didn’t recognize us. She said Felix had a private room. I trailed the tips of my fingers along the corridor walls as I followed Mum, remembering. Felix always used to say the sicker you got, the better service they gave you. Once, him and me emptied a whole bottle of vampire blood over his sheets to try and get this student nurse to bring us a bottle of Coke from the machine. She went absolutely white and screamed for one of the proper nurses to come. We didn’t half get told off.
    And she never got the Coke for us.
    “There you are!”
    I jumped. It was Mickey, Felix’s brother, smiling at me and Mum over two cups of plastic hospital tea. He looked the same as always: big and rumpled, like a sleepy bear, with what looked like egg yolk down his T-shirt. He started talking to Mum. I listened at first, in case they said anything about Felix, but they just went on about his dad and his grandparents and someone else I’d never heard of. I stopped listening. I went and stood by his door, wanting to go in but not daring.
    I felt sick.
    When we finally did go in, it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be. Felix was lying in bed, on his back, in ordinary pyjamas. He looked asleep. His mum was sitting by the bed, holding his hand. She turned when we came in. She and Mum stared at each other, over the bed.
    Then her face seemed to crumple and she burst into tears.
    Me and Mum and Mickey just stood there in the doorway. I didn’t know what to do. I’d never seen Felix’s mum cry before. Maybe Mum had, though. She went right over to her and put her arms around her.
    “Shh. . .” she said. “Shh . . . It’s all right. It’s all right.” With her arm around her shoulder, she guided her towards the door, still talking in the same quiet voice. “Come on. Come on, now. Let’s go somewhere quiet.” And just like that, they were gone.
    “It’s all right,” said Mickey. “There’s a special room to flap in.”
    “I know,” I said. I suddenly remembered what Felix had said, that he didn’t want his mum to be there when he died, in case she got upset. I looked quickly at him. He hadn’t moved.
    “Would you like to come sit by him?” said Mickey. I nodded. He gave me a little push towards the chair.
    “Hold his hand if you want. And talk to him. Let him know you’re here.”
    “Can he hear?”
    “Maybe.”
    I wondered if he was in a coma or just asleep. Probably a coma, I thought. You can’t hear people when you’re asleep. I wondered what would happen if I shook him and yelled, “Wake up!”
    Maybe he’d open his eyes and shout, “Where’s my Coke, then?”
    Maybe not.
    I sat in the chair but I didn’t hold his hand. I felt very silly, sitting there. I know it was awful, but I couldn’t help it. I wondered if he could see us, or hear us. If he could, I bet he was laughing at me.
    “Hello,” I said.
    I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Not with Mickey there. But Mickey seemed to understand. He said, “I’d better give Mum her tea. Would you like a cup?”
    “Yes,” I said. “Please.”
    “You’ll be all right on your own, won’t you?” he said. “You won’t be frightened?”
    “No,” I said.
    I wasn’t frightened. He was just Felix.
    He looked just like he was asleep.
     
    What happened next was something incredible.
    Something I didn’t tell Mickey or Felix’s mum