extra pillows. “I just need a rest. I’m sorry I said anything.”
“Take this tea first. You’ll feel better when you wake,” Ingrid ordered.
Maya took a sip and scrunched her nose . “Mm, disgusting.”
“What’d the doctor say?” Sebastian asked, sitting on the bed beside his mother.
“Doctors can be wrong,” Kristian snapped.
Maya waved Kristian off and patted the bed , inviting Emmy to join her too. Her smile was sweet but her face looked rigid. She shrugged. “I’m sick, kids. I don’t want to hide anything from you. If you want to ask any questions, go ahead and -”
“What is it, Mum?” Sebastian asked.
Emmy could see the hint of panic in his eyes, hidden deep behind his deadpan face.
“They knew in the beginning. We all did. It’s cancer.”
“The good cancer where they do an operation and cut it out, or the bad?” Emmy asked.
“It doesn’t have to mean a death sentence,” Ingrid said, offering Maya more of the herbal brew.
Maya pushed it away. “It started out as ovarian, but now it’s reached my stomach, my liver and lungs. It’s everywhere. I could have more tests, but…” her gaze fell onto the view from the window, dry grass and a flat lifeless river.
“You live well. You eat well. No smoking. No stress. Doctors get things wrong,” Kristian said, sitting on the end of their bed crossing his legs Indian style. “This is clean living up here.”
“How will they fix you?” Sebastian asked, watching Ingrid stack away bundles of herb packets. “The doctors, I mean.”
“They’re not offering me treatment.”
“Well, it can’t be that bad then,” Emmy said.
Maya smiled, and looked to Kristian for support.
Kristian rubbed his face and looked up at them. “They say it’s so far gone. They can’t fix it. But we have to stay upbeat about this. Look at some alternatives.”
“No Kristian,” Maya said. “I would be happier living life in the way I love to live it.”
Kristian unfurled his legs, and stretched. “You’ve known about this longer than us. You’ve had longer to process it.”
“I’ve been tired, and not feeling that great maybe. But I’ve known no longer than you have about the cancer.”
“I want to believe you Maya. But I don’t know if I do.”
“That is up to you. I know I don’t want to die.”
Emmy felt a heaviness in her chest. It was like tension appeared in a cloud above them and she sucked it down into her lungs, so that no one else had to breathe it in. “It’ll be okay,” she muttered. “We just have to stick together.”
She wanted to calm them all. She wanted Kristian to understand Maya. She wanted Maya to say she’d fight. But what happened with the murmuring of those little words was very different.
“I’m asking for support. I want to live well until it’s my time to go,” Maya said.
The worry spread. Tears spilled onto Ingrid’s cheeks. Sebastian shook his head and dropped his face into his hand. Maya reached for Kristian. And Kristian slid off the bed and walked out the door.
*
Maya went to bed early. Dinner was not like it should be. A warm spinach frittata sat in the middle of the table, wedges cut from it, and the salad bowl was half empty. Something was missing, and it wasn’t just the salad dressing.
Every time Emmy saw a look pass between her mother and Kristian, she cast her eyes to her plate. It took enormous effort to narrow her thoughts to the number of chews each tiny bite took, stretching out the count as long as she could before swallowing.
Sebastian sat wide eyed across from her. She closed her eyes and focused on the sensations in her mouth, her grinding teeth, slug-like tongue and wash of saliva.
The wood chair beside Kristian was chipped and aged. The vast emptiness dulled all conversation. Emmy stared straight at it. Her tongue bucked with each swallow and her food pulsed down her throat.
She was mindful of the only thing in her control. The way she ate. It was a way of
“Take this tea first. You’ll feel better when you wake,” Ingrid ordered.
Maya took a sip and scrunched her nose . “Mm, disgusting.”
“What’d the doctor say?” Sebastian asked, sitting on the bed beside his mother.
“Doctors can be wrong,” Kristian snapped.
Maya waved Kristian off and patted the bed , inviting Emmy to join her too. Her smile was sweet but her face looked rigid. She shrugged. “I’m sick, kids. I don’t want to hide anything from you. If you want to ask any questions, go ahead and -”
“What is it, Mum?” Sebastian asked.
Emmy could see the hint of panic in his eyes, hidden deep behind his deadpan face.
“They knew in the beginning. We all did. It’s cancer.”
“The good cancer where they do an operation and cut it out, or the bad?” Emmy asked.
“It doesn’t have to mean a death sentence,” Ingrid said, offering Maya more of the herbal brew.
Maya pushed it away. “It started out as ovarian, but now it’s reached my stomach, my liver and lungs. It’s everywhere. I could have more tests, but…” her gaze fell onto the view from the window, dry grass and a flat lifeless river.
“You live well. You eat well. No smoking. No stress. Doctors get things wrong,” Kristian said, sitting on the end of their bed crossing his legs Indian style. “This is clean living up here.”
“How will they fix you?” Sebastian asked, watching Ingrid stack away bundles of herb packets. “The doctors, I mean.”
“They’re not offering me treatment.”
“Well, it can’t be that bad then,” Emmy said.
Maya smiled, and looked to Kristian for support.
Kristian rubbed his face and looked up at them. “They say it’s so far gone. They can’t fix it. But we have to stay upbeat about this. Look at some alternatives.”
“No Kristian,” Maya said. “I would be happier living life in the way I love to live it.”
Kristian unfurled his legs, and stretched. “You’ve known about this longer than us. You’ve had longer to process it.”
“I’ve been tired, and not feeling that great maybe. But I’ve known no longer than you have about the cancer.”
“I want to believe you Maya. But I don’t know if I do.”
“That is up to you. I know I don’t want to die.”
Emmy felt a heaviness in her chest. It was like tension appeared in a cloud above them and she sucked it down into her lungs, so that no one else had to breathe it in. “It’ll be okay,” she muttered. “We just have to stick together.”
She wanted to calm them all. She wanted Kristian to understand Maya. She wanted Maya to say she’d fight. But what happened with the murmuring of those little words was very different.
“I’m asking for support. I want to live well until it’s my time to go,” Maya said.
The worry spread. Tears spilled onto Ingrid’s cheeks. Sebastian shook his head and dropped his face into his hand. Maya reached for Kristian. And Kristian slid off the bed and walked out the door.
*
Maya went to bed early. Dinner was not like it should be. A warm spinach frittata sat in the middle of the table, wedges cut from it, and the salad bowl was half empty. Something was missing, and it wasn’t just the salad dressing.
Every time Emmy saw a look pass between her mother and Kristian, she cast her eyes to her plate. It took enormous effort to narrow her thoughts to the number of chews each tiny bite took, stretching out the count as long as she could before swallowing.
Sebastian sat wide eyed across from her. She closed her eyes and focused on the sensations in her mouth, her grinding teeth, slug-like tongue and wash of saliva.
The wood chair beside Kristian was chipped and aged. The vast emptiness dulled all conversation. Emmy stared straight at it. Her tongue bucked with each swallow and her food pulsed down her throat.
She was mindful of the only thing in her control. The way she ate. It was a way of
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