Read Online Want to Go Private? by Sarah Darer Littman - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Sarah Darer Littman
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an hour, then go back on briefly to see if Luke is online. He’s not.
No luck after dinner, either. I can barely keep my eyes open because I’m so tired from the night before, but I figure maybe he had to work late at whatever he does — he never answered that question when I asked — so I decide to try to stay up at least till eleven.
“Abby, turn off the computer and go to bed!” Mom says. “You fell asleep on the keyboard.”
I feel like it’s three in the morning, but when I look at the clock it’s only ten thirty.
“I thought you said you finished all your homework before dinner,” Mom says. “Close that computer and go to sleep!”
“I did. I was just watching some funny videos on YouTube.” I close my laptop and yawn. I’m dying to check if Luke IM’ed me, but I don’t want to do it with Mom in the room.
Okay, Mom, good night
!
“Did you brush your teeth?”
“
Yeees
.” I groan. “Good night.”
“Good night, honey. Sleep well.”
She turns off the overhead light and closes the door, leaving it cracked just a little so I can see the night-light in the hallway like she has since I was little and afraid of the dark. Doesn’t she realize I’m not that little kid anymore, I’m fourteen? That’s one of the things I like about Luke; he treats me like an equal, like a grown-up, not like I’m a little kid with no opinion.
Once Mom’s safely down the hall, I open my laptop and check. What I see makes me want to cry, because what I see is nothing. No chat messages, no e-mails. No sign of life from Luke at all. How can he leave me hanging like this? I feel sick to my stomach. Maybe he doesn’t care about me after all. Maybe he really thinks I’m ugly and this was all just a game to him — maybe he’s been laughing with his twenty-seven-year-old friends about what a gullible idiot I am.
I grab my cell phone and text Billy Fisher that I’ll go out with him tomorrow night. Then I cry myself to sleep.
CHAPTER 7
OCTOBER 8
Another day goes by and there’s still no sign of Luke. Mom’s starting to nag me because I’ve had no appetite and there are shadows under my eyes from lack of sleep. I’ve been waking up every few hours to log on to the computer, just to see if there’s a message from him, and each time I see there’s nothing, I feel like I’m falling into a deep, dark hole, my thoughts spinning crazily, wondering why he isn’t there and why he hasn’t written to me. Then I cry until I manage to sleep for another hour or so. I’m having a hard time concentrating in class, which I guess isn’t surprising because I can barely stay awake.
Meanwhile, I’ve got this date with Billy tonight. Mom’s dropping me off at his house at four thirty so we can study, then we’re going to a six fifteen movie, and after, his mom will drive me home. I don’t even want to go. I don’t want to spend that many hours away from the computer. But then Luke hasn’t been online in days. What if he got killed in a car crash? What if he found out he has terminal cancer and only has a month to live?
Or what if he decided that you’re just some stupid fourteen-year-old who isn’t worth his time? What if he decided he wants to be with a real woman instead of someone whose onlyexperience is kissing Roger Hunter behind some bushes at the eighth-grade picnic
?
I log on to my computer again. He’s not online. No e-mails, no messages. No nothing. Fighting off tears, I try to figure out what to wear for the date I don’t even want to go on with the boy I don’t even know if I’m that into.
Jeans and a tank top with a long-sleeved shirt over it, I guess. I figure I at least owe it to Billy to pretend I’m into this, so I put on some makeup and a little spritz of that perfume Aunt Penny got me for Christmas last year, the one that she said the woman at Sephora told her was “all the rage with teen girls.”
Great
, I thought when she told me that.
I can smell just like all the Clique Queens,
No luck after dinner, either. I can barely keep my eyes open because I’m so tired from the night before, but I figure maybe he had to work late at whatever he does — he never answered that question when I asked — so I decide to try to stay up at least till eleven.
“Abby, turn off the computer and go to bed!” Mom says. “You fell asleep on the keyboard.”
I feel like it’s three in the morning, but when I look at the clock it’s only ten thirty.
“I thought you said you finished all your homework before dinner,” Mom says. “Close that computer and go to sleep!”
“I did. I was just watching some funny videos on YouTube.” I close my laptop and yawn. I’m dying to check if Luke IM’ed me, but I don’t want to do it with Mom in the room.
Okay, Mom, good night
!
“Did you brush your teeth?”
“
Yeees
.” I groan. “Good night.”
“Good night, honey. Sleep well.”
She turns off the overhead light and closes the door, leaving it cracked just a little so I can see the night-light in the hallway like she has since I was little and afraid of the dark. Doesn’t she realize I’m not that little kid anymore, I’m fourteen? That’s one of the things I like about Luke; he treats me like an equal, like a grown-up, not like I’m a little kid with no opinion.
Once Mom’s safely down the hall, I open my laptop and check. What I see makes me want to cry, because what I see is nothing. No chat messages, no e-mails. No sign of life from Luke at all. How can he leave me hanging like this? I feel sick to my stomach. Maybe he doesn’t care about me after all. Maybe he really thinks I’m ugly and this was all just a game to him — maybe he’s been laughing with his twenty-seven-year-old friends about what a gullible idiot I am.
I grab my cell phone and text Billy Fisher that I’ll go out with him tomorrow night. Then I cry myself to sleep.
CHAPTER 7
OCTOBER 8
Another day goes by and there’s still no sign of Luke. Mom’s starting to nag me because I’ve had no appetite and there are shadows under my eyes from lack of sleep. I’ve been waking up every few hours to log on to the computer, just to see if there’s a message from him, and each time I see there’s nothing, I feel like I’m falling into a deep, dark hole, my thoughts spinning crazily, wondering why he isn’t there and why he hasn’t written to me. Then I cry until I manage to sleep for another hour or so. I’m having a hard time concentrating in class, which I guess isn’t surprising because I can barely stay awake.
Meanwhile, I’ve got this date with Billy tonight. Mom’s dropping me off at his house at four thirty so we can study, then we’re going to a six fifteen movie, and after, his mom will drive me home. I don’t even want to go. I don’t want to spend that many hours away from the computer. But then Luke hasn’t been online in days. What if he got killed in a car crash? What if he found out he has terminal cancer and only has a month to live?
Or what if he decided that you’re just some stupid fourteen-year-old who isn’t worth his time? What if he decided he wants to be with a real woman instead of someone whose onlyexperience is kissing Roger Hunter behind some bushes at the eighth-grade picnic
?
I log on to my computer again. He’s not online. No e-mails, no messages. No nothing. Fighting off tears, I try to figure out what to wear for the date I don’t even want to go on with the boy I don’t even know if I’m that into.
Jeans and a tank top with a long-sleeved shirt over it, I guess. I figure I at least owe it to Billy to pretend I’m into this, so I put on some makeup and a little spritz of that perfume Aunt Penny got me for Christmas last year, the one that she said the woman at Sephora told her was “all the rage with teen girls.”
Great
, I thought when she told me that.
I can smell just like all the Clique Queens,
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