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Authors: Natalie Ward
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at all.
But I swear to you, from now on, I intend to keep that promise, Evie, I really do. And that’s the other part of why I’m writing this down. You don’t know me yet, but you will, as soon as you wake up. And until that happens, I wanted to say it, to spell it out in black and white, so you’ll know I mean it. Really mean it.
I will always look after you, Evie. I promise.
Finding you again tonight, after I lost you, has been the greatest day of my life. But finding you like this breaks me. Breaks me like you wouldn’t believe.
So please, Evie, please don’t disappear on me again. I can’t bear the thought of you ending up somewhere worse. I can barely live knowing you have to go back to these people. Just know, I will find a way to keep you safe, I promise.
I love you, Evie, I’m going to tell you that this time.
Dad’s coming, I’ve gotta go…please wake up, baby, please.
Love, Ben x
9:45 pm - 29 February 2012
Evie doesn’t say anything when she finishes the letter this time. Just lowers her hands to her lap and stares off into the distance. She’s leaning against me, her back to my side, her body tucked against my shoulder and her legs stretched out on the couch. My arm is wrapped around her and the room is quiet, only the distant noise of traffic to fill the silence.
“You okay?” I eventually ask, squeezing her gently.
Her head falls back onto my shoulder and she gazes up at me. I can see tears in her eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “I can’t…I just can’t imagine what that night was like for you. And I really can’t believe you think you failed me, Ben.”
I give her a half smile. “It was kind of the best and the worst night of my life,” I admit. “Getting you back. Getting you back was amazing…but then realising what you’d been going through…it killed me, Eva. It still does. And I did fail you, baby,” I say. “I know I did because I couldn’t protect you…I couldn’t…”
“Ben,” she whispers, her hand coming up to brush my cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, you know. None of what happened to me with those parents was ever your fault.”
I shrug, not knowing what I’m supposed to say to that. It might not have been my fault, but I still felt like shit having to watch it. And knowing she’d been living through it for the previous eight months, knowing she was so close but I didn’t even know. That just made it all worse
“You know I could hear your voice that night,” Evie says, her hand still on my cheek. “I could hear you talking to your dad, could feel you holding my hand. Even felt you kiss me. I had no idea who you were or what was going on, but everything about it just felt so safe and so warm.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised. I never knew this.
Evie nods. “Yeah, really. It was hard to explain, hard to understand, but I just knew it felt familiar. I knew I should somehow know your voice and your touch. It all just felt so right, like something we’d done a million times before that night. Only I couldn’t work out why…” she adds, her words trailing off.
I bend down and press a soft kiss to Evie’s lips. A part of me so badly wants to somehow forget this moment, this night when everything seemed so awful. But as awful as it was, I also know that they were the reason she came back to me. That if that fire hadn’t have happened, god knows how long it might have been before I saw her again, before she found her way back to me. And all of that would have meant Evie would’ve been stuck with them for even longer.
“How long was I asleep for?” she asks, her mouth still against mine.
I kiss her once more. “Couple of hours,” I whisper. “Dad had called me as soon as he got to the hospital. I was home watching TV and legged it over there. He told what had happened, about finding you and of course had a million questions for me. Thankfully a nurse distracted him, wanted him checked out too, and that’s when
But I swear to you, from now on, I intend to keep that promise, Evie, I really do. And that’s the other part of why I’m writing this down. You don’t know me yet, but you will, as soon as you wake up. And until that happens, I wanted to say it, to spell it out in black and white, so you’ll know I mean it. Really mean it.
I will always look after you, Evie. I promise.
Finding you again tonight, after I lost you, has been the greatest day of my life. But finding you like this breaks me. Breaks me like you wouldn’t believe.
So please, Evie, please don’t disappear on me again. I can’t bear the thought of you ending up somewhere worse. I can barely live knowing you have to go back to these people. Just know, I will find a way to keep you safe, I promise.
I love you, Evie, I’m going to tell you that this time.
Dad’s coming, I’ve gotta go…please wake up, baby, please.
Love, Ben x
9:45 pm - 29 February 2012
Evie doesn’t say anything when she finishes the letter this time. Just lowers her hands to her lap and stares off into the distance. She’s leaning against me, her back to my side, her body tucked against my shoulder and her legs stretched out on the couch. My arm is wrapped around her and the room is quiet, only the distant noise of traffic to fill the silence.
“You okay?” I eventually ask, squeezing her gently.
Her head falls back onto my shoulder and she gazes up at me. I can see tears in her eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “I can’t…I just can’t imagine what that night was like for you. And I really can’t believe you think you failed me, Ben.”
I give her a half smile. “It was kind of the best and the worst night of my life,” I admit. “Getting you back. Getting you back was amazing…but then realising what you’d been going through…it killed me, Eva. It still does. And I did fail you, baby,” I say. “I know I did because I couldn’t protect you…I couldn’t…”
“Ben,” she whispers, her hand coming up to brush my cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, you know. None of what happened to me with those parents was ever your fault.”
I shrug, not knowing what I’m supposed to say to that. It might not have been my fault, but I still felt like shit having to watch it. And knowing she’d been living through it for the previous eight months, knowing she was so close but I didn’t even know. That just made it all worse
“You know I could hear your voice that night,” Evie says, her hand still on my cheek. “I could hear you talking to your dad, could feel you holding my hand. Even felt you kiss me. I had no idea who you were or what was going on, but everything about it just felt so safe and so warm.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised. I never knew this.
Evie nods. “Yeah, really. It was hard to explain, hard to understand, but I just knew it felt familiar. I knew I should somehow know your voice and your touch. It all just felt so right, like something we’d done a million times before that night. Only I couldn’t work out why…” she adds, her words trailing off.
I bend down and press a soft kiss to Evie’s lips. A part of me so badly wants to somehow forget this moment, this night when everything seemed so awful. But as awful as it was, I also know that they were the reason she came back to me. That if that fire hadn’t have happened, god knows how long it might have been before I saw her again, before she found her way back to me. And all of that would have meant Evie would’ve been stuck with them for even longer.
“How long was I asleep for?” she asks, her mouth still against mine.
I kiss her once more. “Couple of hours,” I whisper. “Dad had called me as soon as he got to the hospital. I was home watching TV and legged it over there. He told what had happened, about finding you and of course had a million questions for me. Thankfully a nurse distracted him, wanted him checked out too, and that’s when
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