kidding me? But I refrain. Barely.
We glare at each other in a standstill. Come on, Dad. Show some regret. Some sadness. Some anything other than this blind anger. I'm begging you .
"If you didn't want it, you should have told me before I worked it out with Philip, who, in case you've forgotten, is my goddamn CEO, Cassidy. There's no backing out now."
"I did want it. That's what I'm trying to tell you. But now… But now…"
"But now what?"
"Now I feel like I'm just filling Jason's shoes for you. So you can continue pretending like what happened to him never happened. But it did. He—"
"That is enough."
"It's not though. Can't you feel it?" Tears sting my eyes now and I let them fall, not bothering to wipe them away. Let him think I'm weak. I'm beyond the point of caring. "Can't you feel what you're doing to him by acting like he never existed? You're so angry—and mom's so purposefully ignorant."
His eyes go cold. Flinty. Furious. "We grieved for your brother. We're trying to move on."
"No. You didn't. And you're not." I suck in air, gulping it shakily into my lungs. "But that's on you two. I have to deal on my own—I have been dealing on my own. I'm not doing the internship." The words come out of my mouth and for the first time in six months, gravity doesn't sit so heavily against my shoulders.
"The hell you aren't."
"I'll be in hell if I do." The more I let the truth out, the stuff I'd been hiding even from myself, the more I realize I absolutely cannot do this thing over the summer, even to make my parents happy. My skin itches all over just thinking about it.
"You said yourself you're a business major," he throws back at me. "Passing this up would be a huge mistake."
"You're right," I say, nodding. "But I'm still not doing it."
"As long I'm providing you with a place to live, you will follow my rules," he growls. "Rule number one is that you keep your word to Philip Chambers and get your ass out the door to get fitted for suits with your mother."
"I appreciate the place to live," I spit out. "Granted, most kids back from college would call living with their parents home and find it always welcoming." Not all places, though. Teagan comes to mind for a moment, and the arrangement she has with her grandparents. Fine. Maybe I'll end up with the same exact one here. "You want to give me a curfew again? Do it. You want me to contribute to grocery shopping and bills? Great. My new job will help with that. But you cannot tell me that I have to do this internship. You don't have that much control over my life anymore."
"Don't be so self-indulgent." He slams the palm of his hand down on the top of my dresser, making a few of the picture frames fall onto their faces. I'd maybe care if Jason was featured in any of the pictures, but my mom took those, too. My dad's face is turning red. "This is my job, too. My boss reports to Philip. How do you think I pulled these strings in the first place?"
"This isn't about you." I almost roll my eyes. "I'm sorry if it makes you look bad. Play the dead kid card, I'm sure that'll help."
"Cassidy Rachel Evans."
I spin around so fast I fall back onto my bed—and I stay there, clutching the comforter under me, frozen. My mom is poised in the doorway, fist pressed to her mouth, tears swelling in her eyes and hanging in tiny droplets from her bottom lashes.
My anger collapses into itself, leaving the shock of complete horror in its stead. "Mom. I didn't mean —"
"Goddamn it, Cassidy." My dad storms past me toward my mom, but her face crumples and her tears become rivers and she flees down the hall.
"You," my dad snarls, pointing at me from the doorway. "Make a choice. Keep the internship or get out of my house." Then he's gone, too, slamming the door behind him and I'm left on my bed, shaking uncontrollably.
What the hell did I just do?
CHAPTER NINE
Ropes of regret twist into knots of anger and braid into a panic so cruel in the pit of my stomach all I
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