with being married. Like just being able to slide into someone’s embrace whenever you felt like it. It was so very nice.
He rested his forehead against hers. Their breaths mingled. She knew his scent better than her own. And she knew when he was upset sometimes even before he did. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head, his hand slowly stroking up and down her back.
Yeah, he was about to crack. With the lightest of touches, she brushed a kiss near the corner of his mouth. “Something’s up. Tell me.” She kissed him again. “Please?”
His hands clenched at her waist. “It could have been you. Or Ash.”
The honest anguish in his voice startled her into tightening her arms around his neck. “What?”
He took a deep breath. “You remember when I was in med school you would tease me about how paranoid I was?”
Leyla remembered. It seemed like every time she talked to Mason back then, he was spouting some gloom and doom about a new illness or disease.
“I mean, it’s like, we get hit upside the head with all this knowledge about how fragile the human body is, all the horrible things that can go wrong with it. And then we practice and it all kind of becomes commonplace. You…you get used to it, used to people dying or getting sick. Or you just think, it can’t happen to you or the people you love.” He glanced up at her, his eyes unfocused. “Even when Ash was born. I know about all of the stuff that can go wrong with babies. But I held her and I was so damn certain none of it would happen to her. She wouldn’t have CP or die from SIDS or drown in a pool. Not our baby.”
He shuddered. “Those parents at the hospital. They’re all just sitting around and waiting. How many of them thought the same thing when they held their babies? In a few years, Ash is going to have to go to school. That could be her. Or you. That teacher, she was just at work. You’re in the lingerie store by yourself so much, what if someone comes in and opens fire?”
She didn’t realize she was crying until she tasted the saltiness of her tears. “Oh, Mason. Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling with all of this?” The horror of the shooting had touched her, but obviously not to the degree it had affected him. Her reality had revolved around her brother. Mason had witnessed every person who rolled through the hospital doors.
He sucked in a ragged breath. “When I heard the cop who got injured was Sasha…it was like my world got turned upside down, and I started thinking about all this stuff. You and Sasha and Ash…I don’t have any family but the three of you. If he can be hurt, that means you and the baby… God. I think I’d die, Leyla.”
Her heart clenched. “Don’t say things like that. Listen to me. Look at me, Mason.”
He used the trick she’d been on to since he was about thirteen and trying to avoid her gaze, looking just over her left shoulder. She grasped his chin in her hand and made him look directly at her. “Sure, bad things happen. I worry every time you have a night call and you drive to and from the hospital because you’re tired. I worry that somehow Ash will figure out how to get past the cabinet locks and into the Drano. I worry a million times over about the fact that Sasha carries a gun while at work.” She made a face. “Though maybe that worked out for him this time. The point is, I will never stop worrying about any of you. You’re all the family I have too. But just because something bad could happen, doesn’t mean we can all bury ourselves in our home and never come out again. It just means we have to enjoy the time we have together.” She gave him a watery smile. “Listen to me, I sound like a Hallmark card.”
He gave a bark of laughter. “Yeah, you do.”
She hugged him tight and savored the solid feel of him against her. It would take him, and her, some time to get over this. Amazing how the actions of one crazy man with a gun could create ripples of trauma and
He rested his forehead against hers. Their breaths mingled. She knew his scent better than her own. And she knew when he was upset sometimes even before he did. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head, his hand slowly stroking up and down her back.
Yeah, he was about to crack. With the lightest of touches, she brushed a kiss near the corner of his mouth. “Something’s up. Tell me.” She kissed him again. “Please?”
His hands clenched at her waist. “It could have been you. Or Ash.”
The honest anguish in his voice startled her into tightening her arms around his neck. “What?”
He took a deep breath. “You remember when I was in med school you would tease me about how paranoid I was?”
Leyla remembered. It seemed like every time she talked to Mason back then, he was spouting some gloom and doom about a new illness or disease.
“I mean, it’s like, we get hit upside the head with all this knowledge about how fragile the human body is, all the horrible things that can go wrong with it. And then we practice and it all kind of becomes commonplace. You…you get used to it, used to people dying or getting sick. Or you just think, it can’t happen to you or the people you love.” He glanced up at her, his eyes unfocused. “Even when Ash was born. I know about all of the stuff that can go wrong with babies. But I held her and I was so damn certain none of it would happen to her. She wouldn’t have CP or die from SIDS or drown in a pool. Not our baby.”
He shuddered. “Those parents at the hospital. They’re all just sitting around and waiting. How many of them thought the same thing when they held their babies? In a few years, Ash is going to have to go to school. That could be her. Or you. That teacher, she was just at work. You’re in the lingerie store by yourself so much, what if someone comes in and opens fire?”
She didn’t realize she was crying until she tasted the saltiness of her tears. “Oh, Mason. Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling with all of this?” The horror of the shooting had touched her, but obviously not to the degree it had affected him. Her reality had revolved around her brother. Mason had witnessed every person who rolled through the hospital doors.
He sucked in a ragged breath. “When I heard the cop who got injured was Sasha…it was like my world got turned upside down, and I started thinking about all this stuff. You and Sasha and Ash…I don’t have any family but the three of you. If he can be hurt, that means you and the baby… God. I think I’d die, Leyla.”
Her heart clenched. “Don’t say things like that. Listen to me. Look at me, Mason.”
He used the trick she’d been on to since he was about thirteen and trying to avoid her gaze, looking just over her left shoulder. She grasped his chin in her hand and made him look directly at her. “Sure, bad things happen. I worry every time you have a night call and you drive to and from the hospital because you’re tired. I worry that somehow Ash will figure out how to get past the cabinet locks and into the Drano. I worry a million times over about the fact that Sasha carries a gun while at work.” She made a face. “Though maybe that worked out for him this time. The point is, I will never stop worrying about any of you. You’re all the family I have too. But just because something bad could happen, doesn’t mean we can all bury ourselves in our home and never come out again. It just means we have to enjoy the time we have together.” She gave him a watery smile. “Listen to me, I sound like a Hallmark card.”
He gave a bark of laughter. “Yeah, you do.”
She hugged him tight and savored the solid feel of him against her. It would take him, and her, some time to get over this. Amazing how the actions of one crazy man with a gun could create ripples of trauma and
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