out apocalypse, I don’t know what does.”
Jordan chuckles and grabs a wet nap to wipe his fingers clean. My smile is wide and smug.
“You gonna call your uncle, check in with him?
“No. We’re not out of the woods yet.”
It’s a dark outlook to take but it’s the truth. We aren’t in the clear yet and I don’t want to tell my uncle I’m out of the city and safe just to die ten minutes later.
“Fair enough.”
I look at Jordan and his face looks so incredibly tired. I wonder if he got much sleep last night or if it’s exhaustion from his rowing session.
“Are you going to call your family?”
“Not yet.”
“No one else you want to talk to? To check in on?” I dig, and I don’t know why I’m doing it.
Jordan looks at me sideways. He looks at me like he knows exactly why I’m asking and the edges of his mouth twitch.
“Nope. It’s just you and I.” he says, and my stomach flips.
“For now.” I reply, my voice hollow.
He pauses. “Still thinking about taking off on your own, huh?”
I look at him and I feel kind of bad. He’s looking down at his hands, tearing the used wet nap into strips, and his face is blank.
“Yeah.” I say softly. “I won’t go until you’re somewhere safe, though.”
He laughs darkly and wads the strips of thin, wet cloth. “Don’t worry about me and don’t do me any favors.”
“Why are you so mad about this?”
“You can trust me, Alissa.” he mumbles.
I blink, taken aback by his seriousness. “And I do. I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.”
“Whatever, let’s go.” He stands abruptly and leans down to take his pack.
I reach out and grab his wrist, holding it tight until he looks me in the eye.
“Jordan.”
“I can keep you safe.” he says, his voice hard. Determined.
“I know you can. You have. More than once.”
“Then stay. I’ll protect you.”
His eyes are boring into mine and there’s an intensity that stuns me. I don’t know what this is about, because it’s certainly not about me, but I do know that I want to stay with him more than anything. He’s so sure of himself, so self-possessed it’s almost inspiring. I feel steady and strong with him and when my meds are gone that’s exactly what I’ll need. Strength and fortitude. I want to have that, I would kill to have that. But at what cost to him?
“You can’t.” I whisper. “You can’t protect me. Not from this.”
His brows draw in tight. “You’re not talking about the infected, are you?”
“No.”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“What aren’t you telling me ?”
We stare at each other, neither of us ready or willing to give up our secrets, and I notice again how tired he looks. It’s not simply physical. He is mentally tapped and stretched too thin, which is probably why he’s so emotional right now. He’s taken care of me, saved me, and though I returned the favor back on the dock, I feel I still owe him.
“Jordan, let me take over rowing. You need to rest.”
He reaches out his hand, the one I’m not holding, and presses it to the side of my face softly. My breath hitches and I sit perfectly still as he leans over me, staring down at me. I know he’s not going to kiss me and the disappointment I feel is ridiculous. He rubs his thumb over my sunburned cheek and closes his eyes briefly.
“I let her…” his voice is hoarse and gruff as though he’s fighting for the ability to speak, his body trying to hold the words in. He swallows hard and opens his eyes again. “I let them—“
A branch crunches behind us where the trees line the path running through the park and along the river. We intentionally sat in the shade closest to the water, but when I hear feet trample through the brush, our small boat seems miles away. Jordan drops his hand away and we both lunge for our weapons. He steps in front of me with his bat raised as I reach back for an arrow, notch it and stand at the ready. There’s silence for a long time and I
Jordan chuckles and grabs a wet nap to wipe his fingers clean. My smile is wide and smug.
“You gonna call your uncle, check in with him?
“No. We’re not out of the woods yet.”
It’s a dark outlook to take but it’s the truth. We aren’t in the clear yet and I don’t want to tell my uncle I’m out of the city and safe just to die ten minutes later.
“Fair enough.”
I look at Jordan and his face looks so incredibly tired. I wonder if he got much sleep last night or if it’s exhaustion from his rowing session.
“Are you going to call your family?”
“Not yet.”
“No one else you want to talk to? To check in on?” I dig, and I don’t know why I’m doing it.
Jordan looks at me sideways. He looks at me like he knows exactly why I’m asking and the edges of his mouth twitch.
“Nope. It’s just you and I.” he says, and my stomach flips.
“For now.” I reply, my voice hollow.
He pauses. “Still thinking about taking off on your own, huh?”
I look at him and I feel kind of bad. He’s looking down at his hands, tearing the used wet nap into strips, and his face is blank.
“Yeah.” I say softly. “I won’t go until you’re somewhere safe, though.”
He laughs darkly and wads the strips of thin, wet cloth. “Don’t worry about me and don’t do me any favors.”
“Why are you so mad about this?”
“You can trust me, Alissa.” he mumbles.
I blink, taken aback by his seriousness. “And I do. I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.”
“Whatever, let’s go.” He stands abruptly and leans down to take his pack.
I reach out and grab his wrist, holding it tight until he looks me in the eye.
“Jordan.”
“I can keep you safe.” he says, his voice hard. Determined.
“I know you can. You have. More than once.”
“Then stay. I’ll protect you.”
His eyes are boring into mine and there’s an intensity that stuns me. I don’t know what this is about, because it’s certainly not about me, but I do know that I want to stay with him more than anything. He’s so sure of himself, so self-possessed it’s almost inspiring. I feel steady and strong with him and when my meds are gone that’s exactly what I’ll need. Strength and fortitude. I want to have that, I would kill to have that. But at what cost to him?
“You can’t.” I whisper. “You can’t protect me. Not from this.”
His brows draw in tight. “You’re not talking about the infected, are you?”
“No.”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“What aren’t you telling me ?”
We stare at each other, neither of us ready or willing to give up our secrets, and I notice again how tired he looks. It’s not simply physical. He is mentally tapped and stretched too thin, which is probably why he’s so emotional right now. He’s taken care of me, saved me, and though I returned the favor back on the dock, I feel I still owe him.
“Jordan, let me take over rowing. You need to rest.”
He reaches out his hand, the one I’m not holding, and presses it to the side of my face softly. My breath hitches and I sit perfectly still as he leans over me, staring down at me. I know he’s not going to kiss me and the disappointment I feel is ridiculous. He rubs his thumb over my sunburned cheek and closes his eyes briefly.
“I let her…” his voice is hoarse and gruff as though he’s fighting for the ability to speak, his body trying to hold the words in. He swallows hard and opens his eyes again. “I let them—“
A branch crunches behind us where the trees line the path running through the park and along the river. We intentionally sat in the shade closest to the water, but when I hear feet trample through the brush, our small boat seems miles away. Jordan drops his hand away and we both lunge for our weapons. He steps in front of me with his bat raised as I reach back for an arrow, notch it and stand at the ready. There’s silence for a long time and I
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