forgive me. Please, don’t stop loving me,” I mumble, hoping he’ll understand, while I make a silent promise to myself never to disappoint him like this again.
Not Ever.
LT’s soft voice saves me from my pity party, “We have to go. Carry her to the car.”
“You okay, Roxy?” Tami gives my shoulder a squeeze, and I gaze at her with apologetic eyes.
Cody carries me to the car without uttering a single word. He doesn’t have to, because the way he’s holding me speaks volumes. His touch conveys a multitude of sweet words without saying them, his heat…his heat I absorb it. I want to crawl inside him…inside the heaven he created for me…for us. The air he breathes is as much his as it is mine. I don’t want to lose this…I don’t want to lose him. I hope he holds me until the day I breathe in my last breath.
It’s not until the car starts moving, and I’m tucked in next to him that Cody whispers to me. The words he utters humbles me…
“Roxy, I’ll never stop loving you. My mom once told me that love always trusts …it always protects …always perseveres … and it always hopes . I’ll always trust your actions are fueled by love…I’ll always protect you because you’re mine, as I am yours…I’ll always persevere to keep our love strong and our commitment solid. I’ll always hope your love for me will be as unmistakable as when you first loved me.”
He seals it with a kiss so magical it transports me to our blissful place, without him being inside me. As his tongue glides inside my mouth in search of its mate, my tongue finds him. Every flick of his tongue, as well as each time mine quickly brushes his, is a vow of our devotion to each other. The pace in which he devours me is equivalent to how fast I want to say ‘I love you’ to him, each and every time. My heart is full…my mind clear, and my guilt…my Cody erases them all.
A feeling of peace washes over me as soon as I have Roxy in my arms. Nothing and no one will ever compare to it. I can still feel the bite when I remember what she said after we made love, but I know she said it out of anger. I may be upset for a bit. I’m only human, and my heart isn’t made of steel, after all. However, I can never deny her forgiveness. I can’t deny her anything. Although, there’s a portion of my brain that tells me there’s always a limit to everything. I pray there will never be a time where my patience will run thin…where my hope will run dry.
While I’m happy Roxy finally understands everything about the damn secret I feel as though control seems to be like water in my hand. It seeps through every crack, and my need to have control seems to intensify when I’m with her.
I expect her to completely trust me, to give me control of what’s going on with us and everything else around us. It’s not that I want her to be a door mat. I just want her to let me take the lead in our relationship, but for a strong woman like her…it’s a feat I’m afraid I can’t ever achieve. Like me, she’s never been in a committed relationship, not because there isn’t enough love to go around. It’s because she can’t trust, and I can’t give up control.
Five hours into our eight hour journey up north, we take our first break.
“Roxy, wake up. Show me your eyes, love,” I say as I caress her hand.
She moans, and I do what I do best. I go and kiss her neck, peppering her with open mouth kisses until she opens her eyes. She scrunches up her nose and smiles at me. A simple action like that puts everything in perspective. It aligns the right, and the wrong fades away, momentarily.
LT requests, the girls to get our food after he signals for me to stay behind, which Roxy notices immediately. As I’m about to leave the car, one touch from Roxy slams my ass right back down.
“Why?” She asks. Her eyes dart from me to LT, standing next to his car.
Learning from my mistake, I decide I’ll tell her the truth from here on out.
I start
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