is it?”
she asks. She looks so sweet, dark curtains of hair falling across her bare
shoulders.
“Ally, we
can’t do this,” I said. I couldn’t even recognize my voice right now. It was
husky with want, desperate with the battle raging within me. Her face instantly
fell and I swear I felt her wilt in my arms. Fuck, she felt rejected. I had to
get out of here. I moved her off my lap and stood, adjusting myself, trying to
shove my painful erection back into the confines of my pants. “I mean, we’re
drunk. It wouldn’t be right to do this,” I managed. I couldn’t look her in
the eye anymore. I scooped up her dress and handed it to her as I grabbed my
own shirt.
“Owen?” she
asked softly. I closed my eyes, refusing to look at her. I didn’t want to see
the look on her face. I didn’t want to see how I was hurting her. I was
trying to do the right thing. I wanted her…so much…but I couldn’t do this to
us. I couldn’t lose us. Sex would ruin us. I needed her in my life. She was
my safe place and I was screwing it up. I had to get it together. I took a
deep breath and looked back at her. She was sitting on the couch, clutching
her dress to her. I saw the confusion on her face. I reached down and ran my
fingers across her cheek.
“Not like
this,” I managed. “I can’t…I just can’t. Get dressed. I’ll meet you outside,
okay?” I kissed the top of her head and walked out of the barn. I hated
myself. No, that didn’t even begin to describe the emotions that I had right
now. I loathed myself. I was low. I didn’t deserve to even be around her.
She was my best friend. I was supposed to take care of her. She trusted me. I
had just taken that trust and stomped all over it. I’d let my wants get the
best of me while she was vulnerable. I was worse than Brendon. If she hadn’t
thought I was an asshole before, she most certainly did now. I leaned back
against the wall of the barn and rubbed my temples. My body was still
hypersensitive from our time on that couch. I needed some relief. I needed to
get out of here and clear my head. Hell, I didn’t know what I needed. I
needed her. Part of me wished I hadn’t stopped. I shut my eyes and all I saw
was that look of fire in her eyes. She wanted me too. Or at least she had
thought that she did. She didn’t know what she was asking for. She didn’t
know that side of me. She didn’t know what an asshole I was. I cursed beneath
my breath and kicked the dirt beneath my shoe. I hated myself.
Ten minutes
later there was still no Ally. I was going to have to go back in. What if she
was crying? She was probably beating herself up over the whole thing. I had
just left her there, nearly naked and alone. I wasn’t earning any points. I
opened the door to the barn and stepped in.
“Ally? I’m
sorry….I shouldn’t have walked out. I just needed some air.” I looked around
and realized I was talking to myself. She wasn’t here. Where had she gone? I
had been waiting outside. Damn. She was gone.
I sent her a
text: Where are you? She didn’t respond. I had screwed up. Maybe I
should just give her a little bit to sort it all out and see that I was right.
We could talk it out. We always talked stuff out. This wasn’t any different.
Two days
later, she still hadn’t returned any of my texts or calls. She didn’t answer
the door when I stopped by. This was bad. I was a mess. I had just ruined
the best thing I’d ever had. I had lost her.
Chapter Eight
I stood at the
bar waiting for the bartender to get my order. The restaurant was busy, a
constant hum in the air. I turned and glanced around at the people filling the
space near the bar. I was anxious to get this dinner started. This account had
the potential to do big things for the agency, and for me and my career. I was
lost in my people watching when I
she asks. She looks so sweet, dark curtains of hair falling across her bare
shoulders.
“Ally, we
can’t do this,” I said. I couldn’t even recognize my voice right now. It was
husky with want, desperate with the battle raging within me. Her face instantly
fell and I swear I felt her wilt in my arms. Fuck, she felt rejected. I had to
get out of here. I moved her off my lap and stood, adjusting myself, trying to
shove my painful erection back into the confines of my pants. “I mean, we’re
drunk. It wouldn’t be right to do this,” I managed. I couldn’t look her in
the eye anymore. I scooped up her dress and handed it to her as I grabbed my
own shirt.
“Owen?” she
asked softly. I closed my eyes, refusing to look at her. I didn’t want to see
the look on her face. I didn’t want to see how I was hurting her. I was
trying to do the right thing. I wanted her…so much…but I couldn’t do this to
us. I couldn’t lose us. Sex would ruin us. I needed her in my life. She was
my safe place and I was screwing it up. I had to get it together. I took a
deep breath and looked back at her. She was sitting on the couch, clutching
her dress to her. I saw the confusion on her face. I reached down and ran my
fingers across her cheek.
“Not like
this,” I managed. “I can’t…I just can’t. Get dressed. I’ll meet you outside,
okay?” I kissed the top of her head and walked out of the barn. I hated
myself. No, that didn’t even begin to describe the emotions that I had right
now. I loathed myself. I was low. I didn’t deserve to even be around her.
She was my best friend. I was supposed to take care of her. She trusted me. I
had just taken that trust and stomped all over it. I’d let my wants get the
best of me while she was vulnerable. I was worse than Brendon. If she hadn’t
thought I was an asshole before, she most certainly did now. I leaned back
against the wall of the barn and rubbed my temples. My body was still
hypersensitive from our time on that couch. I needed some relief. I needed to
get out of here and clear my head. Hell, I didn’t know what I needed. I
needed her. Part of me wished I hadn’t stopped. I shut my eyes and all I saw
was that look of fire in her eyes. She wanted me too. Or at least she had
thought that she did. She didn’t know what she was asking for. She didn’t
know that side of me. She didn’t know what an asshole I was. I cursed beneath
my breath and kicked the dirt beneath my shoe. I hated myself.
Ten minutes
later there was still no Ally. I was going to have to go back in. What if she
was crying? She was probably beating herself up over the whole thing. I had
just left her there, nearly naked and alone. I wasn’t earning any points. I
opened the door to the barn and stepped in.
“Ally? I’m
sorry….I shouldn’t have walked out. I just needed some air.” I looked around
and realized I was talking to myself. She wasn’t here. Where had she gone? I
had been waiting outside. Damn. She was gone.
I sent her a
text: Where are you? She didn’t respond. I had screwed up. Maybe I
should just give her a little bit to sort it all out and see that I was right.
We could talk it out. We always talked stuff out. This wasn’t any different.
Two days
later, she still hadn’t returned any of my texts or calls. She didn’t answer
the door when I stopped by. This was bad. I was a mess. I had just ruined
the best thing I’d ever had. I had lost her.
Chapter Eight
I stood at the
bar waiting for the bartender to get my order. The restaurant was busy, a
constant hum in the air. I turned and glanced around at the people filling the
space near the bar. I was anxious to get this dinner started. This account had
the potential to do big things for the agency, and for me and my career. I was
lost in my people watching when I
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